A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two good looking blonde genies appear and tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. He notices crunching under his feet and looking down, he realizes that the entire floor is covered in $100.00 bills. Suddenly there is a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing there are two people dressed in Klu Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he is dead. The Klansmen walk off. As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one, "I don't get it... I can understand the first wish, having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But... WHY he'd want to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When confronted, he said: "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral, I'm a gynecologist." At that point, the proctologist fainted.
It is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her own mother, she met this guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, she believed him to be so much her dream guy, that she fell in love with him but never asked for his number and then....... A few days later, the girl killed her own sister. Question: What is her motive in killing her sister? Give this some thought for a while before you scroll down. Your first thought is what counts here. Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in this test and answered it as indicated above. If you didn't answer correctly - good for you. If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can remove you from my address book!
1. First, it's pronounced LOSS-VAYGUS. It doesn't matter how they say it in other places. 2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Las Vegas has it's own set of traffic rules. There's no book about them. All you can do is get in your car and hope you survive to learn them. 3. All directions start with, “Go down 95 'cause you don't want to get on 15". 4. Las Vegas Blvd, Charleston Blvd and Torrey Pines have no beginning and no end. 5. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street that you started on. The Chamber of commerce calls this a "scenic drive". 6. The 8:00 am rush hour is from 4:30am to 11:30am.The 5:00pm rush hour is from 11:30am to 10:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning and ends sometime late Sunday night. 7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, then you cannot be from Las Vegas You may only apply your brakes when the end of a yellow light and the beginning of the red light create a "pumpkin-orange" hue. 8. For the most part, you can do anything you want, as long as it isn't in a school zone 9. If you like being an individual, don't even think of working for a casino. You'll be branded like cattle and made to walk all over town with your "Gaming Tag" around the collar of your white shirt or clipped on to your belt loop of your black tuxedo pants. 98% of the people within a 200-mile radius work for a casino. When someone says “Steve Wynn," casino employees are trained to face the Strip, hit their knees, kneel, and say Praise Steve" three times. 10. Just remember that Camino Al Norte is Martin Luther King blvd., Boulder highway is Fremont Street, Eastern Ave is 25th street or Civic Center Drive, Desert Inn is Lamb blvd., Spring Mountain/Sands/Twain are all the same street. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you 11. Henderson is the only place in the world where THREE "parallel" streets intersect at one traffic light. That would be the 4-way of Green valley Parkway/Eastern Avenue/Maryland Parkway. For laughs, ask you middle school Geometry teacher to try to explain it. 12. Rainbow Blvd. has THREE exits from the 95, this just makes giving driving directions to newbie’s more entertaining. There is also a Lake Mead Drive" and a Lake Mead "Blvd" and both run east/west but are 30 miles apart. You have to be specific when you say "the corner of Lake Mead and...” Again, this is just another way to harass the 5000 newcomers every month. 13. Many major roads just end abruptly in somebody's garage, a Home Depot, a Casino or McCarran International Airport Runways and start again after the interruption. That was done to encourage you to "see the sights" and meet new people. For fun, just try to take Harmon Ave from Rainbow to Nellis. 14. If moisture at hand is determined to be rain, not sweat, all traffic must immediately cease. Ditto for daylight savings time, girl applying eye shadow across the street, or a flat tire 3 lanes over. Do not attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event like snow, blowing dust, or a 3-day weekend. 15. Once a year, when it rains the Las Vegas wash and the City of Las Vegas are one. 16. The wind blows every day and it is impossible to live in Las Vegas without some kind of allergy drug. 17. Construction on I-15 and US 95 is a way of life and permanent form of entertainment. I-215 will never be completed. Get used to it! 18. Stay away from the corner of Nellis and Las Vegas Blvd. If you do not like the thought of being in a remake of the movie "Top Gun" (Jet noise) 19. And, yes, we all know that man in a teddy and a tiara on Fremont Street His name is Leslie and he probably makes more money than you do.
A Little Guide For Your Potential Home Buyers: A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter): "Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin." Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter): "Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the US from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to US ownership was obtained from France , which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain . The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus , who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella . The good queen, Isabella , being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus ' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ , the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope to hell you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?" The loan was approved.