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well im back and im not feeling much better. in fact, im feeling worse. i better not say that it couldnt get worse or else it just might. now i want to run into my room and under the covers of my own bed and hide there until all the bad things in this world have discinigrated into dust and when i come out, to have everybody like me. i dont think anybody really does. so many people have lied to me, told me that they were my friends, or told me that they really liked me. And i was naive enought to believe them. i dont know who or what to believe anymore. So far in life i have come this far and it hasnt paid off. why should it change? why did i think that people had changed? why did i allow myself to be hurt once again? i should have learned my lesson the first time. or even the second, or the third. but i let it slip, constantly reassuring myself that there was nothing wrong with me, that even if there was, i could change. i dont want to change. and i havent. and the hard truth has come and smacked me across the face once again, and i was too blind to expect it, though i knew it was coming. if you really want to know what is going on, you should ask some of the people that i thought were my friends, maybe try asking some of the people that made me believe that i was able to actually make real friends and keep them. the people that took me in and when they were finished threw me out like i was some test that they got a bad grade on; scowling at it, then crumpling it up and tossing it into the trash can letting it hit the wall first. nice metaphor. whatever. 11.45 pm |
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