Disclaimer : Xena and Gabrielle belong to those clever clogs’ at Renaissance/MCA/Universal Pictures.

Sex : Implied, requested (hehe!) but nothing in detail

Dedication : For Dec, Shamrock and everyone who knows me!

Bard’s Note : This is just something I wrote to relieve some of the stress of writing a more serious fic. It’s short, light hearted and frivolous and has absolutely no meaning whatsoever!

~*~

"Aaaagh! Yodel ay hee hoo!"

Gabrielle gritted her teeth and jumped up, grasping her staff firmly in both hands. She bounded into an open space and started her practice drills, whirling suddenly to viciously attack the nearest tree. She hit it again and again, trying to sweat out what she was feeling. The truth was, she was feeling damned aroused.

"Stupid tree! Look at me like that huh?! Take that! Ha ha!" she cried as she danced back and forward, jabbing the tree’s midsection with the furry end of her weapon.

Xena strolled into camp, whistling her theme song with a rabbit in each hand but stopped, frozen to the spot when she beheld the sight of Gabrielle beating up the offending tree. The rabbits dropped from her suddenly nerveless fingers. Her mouth dropped open and she shook her head slowly in disbelief.

"Uh… Gab? What are you doing?"

The bard spun and stormed up to within inches of her, looking up at the warrior with undisguised fury.

"Do NOT call me that! My name is GABRIELLE!" she yelled and then went back to continue her assault on her tree. Xena leaned forward, righting herself again and approached her best friend from behind.

"Ok GABRIELLE… What are you doing?"

"I’m teaching this tree a lesson in manners!"

Xena covered a grin by scratching her nose.

"What did it do to you? Annoy you by talking too much? I know how you feel," she deadpanned. She received a scowl and shook her head.

"Look Gabrielle. Just calm down."

"CALM DOWN? YOU’RE TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN?!

"Gabrielle!"

"I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN!"

"GABRIELLE!"

"STOP YELLING AT ME!"

"I’M NOT… " A breath. "I’m not yelling at you. What in Hades name has got into you?"

Gabrielle threw her hands dramatically into the air, dropped her staff and bent over to pick it up with a curse that made even the Warrior Princess blush.

"Nothing! Absolutely nothing… and that’s the whole damned problem!"

The raven-haired warrior stared at her friend, a confused look on her face.

"I don't understand," she said slowly.

"No, you wouldn’t Miss Sexually Prolific!"

"What?"

"You got it last week!"

Xena shook her head.

"I repeat… what?"

"I need to get laid, do the wild thing, the horizontal mambo, HAVE SEX!"

Xena smiled understandingly and raised an expressive eyebrow.

"Ok, I get it," she chuckled.

"Don't laugh at me Xena. It’s not funny."

The warrior immediately wiped the grin off her face.

"I’m sorry, it’s just… I’ve never seen you like this before."

"Ha ha! Funny what you said about knowing myself the other week. If I don't get companionship soon, I won’t have any trouble knowing myself!"

"Gabrielle!" Xena exclaimed, shocked to hear these words coming from the mouth of her sweet, innocent, blonde, emerald eyed, sexy… sexy? Where did that come from? …bard.

"Don’t Gabrielle me Warrior Princess! I’m the one who’s stuck out here in the middle of nowhere with no one but a six-foot, scantily clad warrior and a horse for companionship! And hey, the horse is starting to look pretty good right now!"

Xena suddenly felt exhausted and flopped down cross-legged onto her bedroll.

"Fine! What do you want to do?"

The young bard stopped mid-rant.

"Do? As in you and me? Together?" she asked, wide-eyed as the possibilities began to run through her mind, creating delightful little pictures. Xena started to sweat beneath her aforementioned scanty leathers and brass armour.

"Well I kinda… I mean I… I meant that in a more general sense… as in… you know… um…" she stammered, her mouth suddenly very dry. Gabrielle sat down facing her, so close to her that their knees were almost touching.

"Xena, I never realised you were… um… that way inclined."

"Me neither," the warrior muttered under her breath and then shook her head.

"Gabrielle look, I can bring you to the nearest town where I’m sure that some nice young man would be willing to…"

She stopped at the disappointed look on the bard’s face.

"What’s wrong?" she asked innocently.

"I don't want a nice young man," Gabrielle stated evenly, staring into the warrior’s piercing blue eyes.

"You don’t?"

"Nope. I’m not that way inclined," Gabrielle replied.

"Not that way…? Ohhhhhh… oh I understand… wow… I didn’t know that about you."

"Wow? Why wow?"

Xena began to feel very uncomfortable and tugged absently at her leathers. Gabrielle reached out and slapped her on her hand.

"Stop that. It’s not fair for you to be flashing your cleavage at me if you’re not going to follow up," she said in an annoyed tone.

"You want me to follow up?" asked Xena, after swallowing deeply to clear the lump from her throat.

"Do you want to follow up?" the bard countered, her eyes narrowed in suspense.

"What if I do?" Xena asked in a non-committal tone.

Gabrielle’s patience wore thin.

"Xena, just answer the question. Do you want to have sex with me? I love you, you know. No actually you don't know because you’ve been totally oblivious to all the longing looks I’ve given you and the ‘Oh Xena, let me help you take off your armour’ not to mention the ‘Let me wash your back Xena’ and me being in the ‘do anything for the Warrior Princess haze’"

She shook her head in disgust and went to get up but the warrior caught her arm and pulled her back down.

"No I wasn’t." she said quietly.

"Wasn’t what?"

"Oblivious."

Gabrielle’s eyebrows skipped up to almost meet her hairline.

"You weren’t?"

"No, of course not."

The bard smacked her gently on the arm.

"Then why in all the gods’ names didn’t you say something?" she asked confusedly.

Xena raised an eyebrow and shot her soon to be lover a sexy smirk.

"How else would I have got you to the stage where you really would ‘do anything for the Warrior Princess’? Huh?" she purred in her low, gravel-on-silk voice. "I told you Gabrielle, I have many skills."

There was a stunned silence for a few seconds and then Gabrielle leaned closer.

"I’d like to experience some more of those many skills," she replied, her voice husky with desire.

"Well then, why don't you help me take off my armour then," the warrior replied as she pulled the love of her life closer for a passionate kiss.

The End