A Life Worth Living Part 19

Controlling Destiny by Cheeya

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Renaissance/Universal Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended. This story is based on the love between Xena and her lifebond, Gabrielle. There is no subtext� only blatant maintext, so if this offends you, if you're too young to read it, or if it's illegal where you are, please don�t read on any further. There's nothing too graphic in here though.

Violence: a bit of a battle scene but nothing too bad.

Archiving : Go ahead, you want? you take! Drop me a mail to let me know if you want! I'd get a kick outta it!

Dedication: For my wonderful mother, Patricia... for Danni and Adam, I love you both. And of course for Sham.

"I'm sorry, Gabby. We can't."

The little girl frowned and squirmed in her mother's arms.

"Want to see Mama!" she yelled and Xena fought to keep her emotion in check. She handed her daughter to her mother and walked away. She walked to the edge of the trees and dropped onto her knees, crying silently.

"Gabrielle, Love, it's too much. I can't do this alone. I need you so much. How do I tell a three year old little girl that she'll never see her mother again?"

Cyrene watched from the edge of the trees as her daughter dropped to her knees and sobbed her heart out.

"Michael, there has to be something else I can do!" Gabrielle spun and pointed into the Archangel's face. "I am NOT leaving Xena to walk her path alone!"

Michael shook his head sadly and reached out to squeeze her shoulder but she pulled away.

"Gabrielle," he said softly. "You did what you could. This is your time. Your only hope was to petition Hades but he refused. I'm sorry, but it's over."

Gabrielle's face turned red and she exploded, clenching her fists and almost breathing fire in her anger.

"NO! NO! I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS! I MADE A PROMISE TO MY LIFEBOND THAT I'D BE THERE AND I'M NOT LEAVING HER NOW!"

She spun on her heel and ran away, needing to vent her anger. She ran along the shore of a lake until she reached the edge of the forest where she pulled her sais and beat up as many trees as she could find. She finally collapsed, exhausted and emotionally drained, against a tree and sobbed her heart out.

"Xena, please. You have to eat something," Cyrene said as she watched her daughter push her food around her plate.

"I'm not hungry," came the mumbled reply. The warrior looked around the tavern and every inch of it brought back a memory about her lifebond. The ornaments on the fireplace that they had brought back from one of their treaty negotiation trips... the stag's head on the chimney breast that Gabrielle had taken three days to get up the nerve to shoot... the little girl, sitting on the floor beside her grandmother, who looked so much like her mother that she could be a replica... Xena pushed her chair back with a growl and stormed across the room to the bar. She picked up a jug of port and knocked back the entire contents before slamming it back on the counter. She smiled a bitter-sweet smile as her mother placed a gentle hand on her arm.

"Xena, don�t do this," she said softly but the warrior spun, a look of fury on her face.

"DO WHAT, MOTHER? DRINK TO TRY TO EASE SOME OF THIS PAIN I'M FEELING? HUH? IS THAT IT???"

Xena almost collapsed from shock as she felt the stinging blow to her face. No one had hit her like that since Gabrielle had when they had been rebuilding the village.

"Don�t you dare speak like that," Cyrene said, her voice low and controlled. "Don�t you give in to that pain. You've never given up on anything in your life, Warrior Princess! You have a daughter who needs you! So you just get a grip on yourself!"

The warrior nodded slowly as the anger drained from her.

"I miss her," she whispered as she stepped into her mother's arms.

"I know. We all do, Xena, but Gabby needs you now more than ever. Please don't push her away."

"Oh gods, she's dying. I can feel it." The Warrior Bard of Poteidaia wrapped her arms around herself as she listened intently and extended her senses to find her lifebond. "Oh, Xena. I wish I could be there to hold you. I'm so sorry."

"Xena, are you sure about this?"

The Warrior Princess nodded as she saddled her horse. She lifted her daughter into her seat and kissed her gently on the cheek.

"Yeah, I am, Mom. This is what Gabrielle would have wanted. She passed her Right of Caste to Gabby last year. When Gabby comes of age, she will become the rightful Queen of the Amazons. She needs to be trained and tutored in the customs of her tribe and the responsibilities of her rank."

The older woman placed a hand on her daughter's arm and then pulled her into a hug.

"We'll be waiting here for you when you get back and please� visit?"

This brought a grin from Xena, the first one since the death of her lifebond.

"I will. I promise, Mom. Just keep everyone out of trouble... especially Toris. His wife must be nearly ready to deliver their second... right?"

"Right. I'll let you know when it's born."

"Thanks. I'll see you soon, ok?"

"Ok, Little One."

Cyrene wiped a tear from her cheek as she watched her daughter ride away.

"Gabrielle, this is heaven. You're supposed to be happy! You're supposed to be enjoying the afterlife."

The bard narrowed her eyes at the Archangel Raphael and then shrugged.

"That's a cruel thing to say to me, Raph," she replied in an emotionless tone. "How can I be happy here when the only thing that ever made me completely happy isn't here? My family. I'm can't hold my little girl in my arms or feel Xena's arms around me as she sleeps beside me." She sighed heavily. "No, I won't be happy until my lifebond is back at my side."

Xena slipped down from her horse, her booted feet making a soft thud as they hit the dirt ground, and lifted her daughter from her seat atop Argo.

"Well, here we are, Gabby," she said quietly. "Once we step past these trees, we're in Amazon territory and you become a Princess. These feather-heads are going to drive you crazy but they're a strong and proud people and your Mama loved them. I know you'll make her proud too, Honey." She smiled at her daughter and kissed her on the hand. "I just have to change clothes. I'll be one minute." She sat the little girl back into her seat and slid off her normal armour and leathers, swapping them for her Amazon leathers, and then clipped her scabbard to her back before sliding her sword back into it. Her chakram was returned to her hip and she stood facing Gabby with her hands perched on her hips.

"Well, how do I look? Go on, be brutal."

"Nice, Xe," Gabby replied with a nod and the warrior chuckled.

"Thanks. For that, you get a treat later."

"If I agree, will I get one too?" came a voice from the trees. Xena's sword was drawn and held in a defensive stance in a matter of a heartbeat but she grinned as she realised who her intruder was.

"Damn, Chilapa. You shouldn�t sneak up on me like that!" she scolded but the Regent just raised an eyebrow at her.

"Shouldn't have been able to sneak up on you," she replied.

Xena blew out a long breath and absently fingered the fringing on her leathers.

"Yeah, I know. I just... I guess my focus hasn't been the best lately. I've had a lot on my mind."

"So has everyone else who ever knew Gabrielle," Chilapa replied tenderly. Then she pulled the warrior in for a brief hug. "How are you holding up, Xena?"

The warrior shook her head and lifted her daughter back into her arms.

"I'd be lying if I said I was coping," she replied honestly. "Chili, I don't know how I can go on without her."

The Regent smiled and patted Xena on the shoulder.

"She's been dead for almost two months, Xena. You're still here and you're still going, aren't you?"

"I guess... but... yeah, the reason I'm here..."

Chilapa nodded and raised a hand.

"I think I already know. You've returned so our rightful Queen can begin her training."

"You've got it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey Mom! Take a look at this!"

Xena watched as her daughter executed a perfect flip and landed with her staff in hand.

"Not bad, Gabby. Not bad at all!" she grinned and walked to her, pulling her into a hug.

"Aww, cut it out, Mom. The other girls are watching," Gabby replied, wrinkling her nose in embarrassment. Xena felt a twinge of pain. Gabby had grown up to be so much like Gabrielle that sometimes, the warrior thought she was actually talking to her lifebond. At ten years old, Gabby had been educated as both an Amazon Warrior and also as a future Queen but she was still a normal ten year old.

"Sorry to embarrass you, My Little Highness," Xena replied with a knowing grin. Then she planted a great big sloppy kiss on her daughter's cheek. "You asked for that," she whispered as Gabby turned and 'Eeeeuuuuuuwwwwwed' her way back across the village, wiping at her cheek as if she had been attacked by a slobbering puppy. The warrior chuckled and shook her head as her friend approached.

"She hates it when you do that," Chilapa pointed out.

"Yeah, I know," Xena replied with an evil chuckle. "So what's up?" Chilapa took a deep breath and then blew it out. "Chili, I'm not going to kill you for asking whatever it is you want to ask... so ask already!"

"I was thinking... um... it's the anniversary of Gabrielle's death in a few days..." She paused. "and I was wondering if you'd like to have a memorial service for her."

Xena drew in a deep shuddering breath. Damn, even after seven years, it hasn�t got any easier to talk about her being gone.

"That's a wonderful idea, Chili. Will you arrange it?"

"Of course. Would you like to say something at the service?"

The warrior paused briefly.

"Yeah, I would," she replied and then strode away to her hut to think.

"Gabby, stand still!" Xena scolded as she tried to fasten her daughter's armour. Her ceremonial leathers were polished, her armour was gleaming and her sword was positively blinding. Once finished, Xena stood back to look Gabby over. "You look great," she said proudly. "Your Mama would have been very proud of you, Honey."

"Thanks, Mom. I don't really remember her very well but I DO remember her holding me in her arms and telling me a story. I just wish..." The girl trailed off and Xena crouched down in front of her.

"What do you wish, Honey?"

Gabby sighed and leaned into her mother for a hug.

"I'm this demi-god and I can't even do anything to bring her back," she said softly, her breath hitching slightly as she tried to hold back her tears. Xena held her and stroked her blonde hair.

"Gabby, you mustn't think like that. No one can do anything. Your Mama just had to leave. She saved someone's life and died bravely like a true warrior. I'll always be proud of her and I'll always be proud of you too, Gabrielle."

"You know, I think that's the first time you've ever called me Gabrielle," Gabby replied as she wiped her tears away from her cheeks.

"Nah, I only call you that when you're in trouble but, guess what, you're a good kid so I don�t gotta call you Gabrielle that often."

"Thanks, Mom," the young Queen replied with a genuine smile and Xena sucked in a deep breath to keep her emotion in check.

"I love you, Gabby," she whispered as she kissed her daughter on the top of the head.

"Love you too, Mom."

Xena took her daughter's hand and led her across the village to the platform that had been set up there. The warrior's hands were shaking and Gabby squeezed her hand in an encouraging gesture, smiling up as Xena glanced down at her. There was a huge crowd surrounding the platform. The warrior stepped up and locked eyes with as many of her friends as possible.

"My friends," she began. "I'm finding it hard to believe that I've been without Gabrielle for seven years now. She touched us all in a very special way. She was a friend to everyone here and I love her..." She paused as her voice cracked and looked down, taking a deep calming breath. "I love her with all my heart. I know she can hear us right at this moment so I wanted to read something that I wrote for her."

Xena pulled out the piece of parchment she had tucked inside her gauntlet and slowly unfolded it. She cleared her throat and her voice lowered in tone and volume as her emotion rose.

"Love as pure as a petal floating on the breeze,

That's what I felt when I met you.

Your eyes locked with mine in that clearing

And I knew I'd found the other half of my soul.

We travelled a long and sometimes lonely road

But you were always there to take away my pain

How much I miss you, I can't put into words

How much I love you, only you can know.

When I lost you, a piece of me died too

But I promised to go on and I hope you're proud of your family

We'll be together again some day

And once again, two halves will be whole."

Xena folded up the parchment, tucked it back into her gauntlet and managed a smile.

"I know you loved her. We all did and we honour her on this day, the seventh anniversary of her death."

Every Amazon knelt, many teary eyed, and raised her sword but Gabby just hugged her mother around the waist and Xena rocked her gently, stroking her blonde hair and letting her tears fall unchecked. They stood like that for a while, just holding each other, until a guard suddenly ran into the village.

"Soldiers!" she yelled. "They've invaded our territory. Al least three hundred men!"

Xena's head snapped up and her eyes narrowed. A low growl came from her throat and then she looked down at her daughter.

"You know what to do, My Queen" she said softly.

"Yes, My Champion. Hide my butt someplace safe while you go kick some..."

"Gabby!" Xena said in a warning tone and the little girl winced.

"I wasn't going to say it!" she exclaimed.

"Like hell you weren't!" Xena replied with a laugh as she scooped her daughter up into her arms. She hugged her hard and kissed her on the cheek. "Just in case," she whispered and Gabby nodded. Her mother always held her and kissed her before she went into battle. Xena had regretted not being able to say goodbye to her lifebond since the moment she had lost her and she wasn't going to let the same thing happen with herself and her daughter. "I'll see you soon."

"Be careful, Mom," Gabby called as the warrior took off with the rest of the Amazon Warriors.

"Gabrielle, Xena's time is near."

The blonde bard looked at the Archangel Michael and nodded slowly.

"She'll be killed in this battle?" she asked.

"Yes and Gabby will take over as Queen of the Amazons."

Gabrielle looked into the Pool of Purification and saw her daughter running through the village, rounding up the other children and herding them to the nearby caves. A small group of warriors had stayed behind with the kids and were helping Gabby. Gabrielle felt her heart swell with pride. Her daughter had grown up to be a kind, generous and courageous girl and she knew she'd be a great Queen. Then the image in the pool shifted and Gabrielle could see her lifebond charging into battle...

Xena's war cry rang out through the trees and the soldiers paused in their marching as the Warrior Princess somersaulted from a nearby tree and landed in front of them. She drew her sword and spun it in her hand before pointing it at them.

"Afternoon, Boys," she said loudly, her voice carrying through the ranks. "Do you realise that you're trespassing on Amazon land? State your business!" A tall man, clad in leather and armour slid down from his horse and approached. As he drew nearer, he lifted his helmet and Xena nodded slowly. "I should have known," she stated with an exasperated eye roll. "You just can't leave us alone, can you?"

Draco chuckled and tucked his helmet under his arm.

"Long time no see, Xena," he said.

"I should have killed you when you took my daughter," she snarled in reply. "Then I wouldn�t have to look at your ugly mug now. What do you want, Draco?"

"I want some Amazons to sell as slaves and I think you're going to give them to me."

Xena laughed and shook her head.

"You're delusional," she replied incredulously. "Yeah, like I'm really gonna hand my friends over to you."

The warlord snarled and drew his sword.

"Well, in that case, I'm gonna have to take them!"

"Be my guest!"

Xena trilled her war cry and flipped, catching him under the chin with her boot and knocking him flat on his back. She heard the rustle of leaves as the rest of her Amazon warriors dropped from the trees, completely surrounding Draco's army. The battle began...

"Jane, get back here!"

Gabby grabbed a young Amazon by her braid as she tried to slip by.

"Owww! Let go! Gabby, we can help," the girl replied but the young Queen shook her head.

"Xena said to stay here," she said. "I'll get my butt kicked if we leave."

Jane snorted her sarcasm.

"You're supposed to be the Queen. You don�t have to do what Xena says."

Gabby shook her head and grinned.

"Even if she wasn't my champion, she's my mother. I have to do what she says."

"Chicken!"

"Am not!

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Prove it!"

Gabby stood up defiantly.

"Fine, let's go. All you other kids, stay here!"

The two young girls slipped past their escorts and headed back toward the village. Gabby picked up her staff and sword from her hut and led Jane out into the forest. As they drew closer to the battle, the two girls could hear the sounds of swords clashing against swords and the screams of the dying. Gabby was shaking and she saw that Jane looked scared too.

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea," the young Amazon said quietly.

"I said that in the beginning," Gabby replied. "But you're the one who wanted to come out here so shut up and keep your head down."

The young queen climbed a tree and Jane followed her. They had a clear view of the battle and Gabby could just make out her mother's form as she hacked and slashed her way through the enemy. The girls moved through the trees, knowing that the soldiers below were oblivious to their presence. Gabby wanted to get as close to her mother as possible...

Xena looked around for her next opponent. She was getting tired and blood was dripping from a deep gash on her arm.

"Dammit," she growled. "I'm getting too old for this." Then she dropped to one knee and plunged her sword under her arm and into the stomach of a soldier who thought he was sneaking up on her. She got back up and spun her sword in her hand as another man ran at her. He was good, she grudgingly admitted and it took longer than she thought to finish him off. She was breathing heavily when she kicked him off her sword and took a moment to catch her breath, but it was at that moment that two soldiers chose to attack her at the same time. She stopped one but the other was just too quick for her and before she even realised what had happened, she was looking down at a sword protruding from her chest. At first there was no feeling at all, then she felt the blood rise and spurt out of her mouth as she unsuccessfully fought the urge to cough. All around her, the battle raged on, soldier after soldier fell and finally, so did the Warrior Princess. She dropped to her knees as the pain hit her but then everything froze...

Gabby saw her mother take a breather for a moment and was almost going to call to her, but suddenly, she saw two soldiers attack her. Xena finished off one but Gabby's eyes grew wide as the other man ran her mother through from behind, leaving the sword protruding from her chest as he ran off. She watched for what seemed like an eternity as her mother just stood there, a disbelieving look on her face. The pain built in Gabby's chest, as if she had been stabbed herself and, as Xena dropped to her knees, she thrust out her hand and screamed.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

And everything just froze.

Gabrielle's eyes widened as she looked at the image in the pool. She blinked to make sure she wasn't seeing what wasn't there and then shook her head in disbelief.

"Michael?" she said but the Archangel looked as if he was in awe.

"My Lord," he said. "I... I... can�t believe it."

"What?" Gabrielle asked impatiently.

"I think we've just found out what Gabby's power as a demi-god is. She has the power to control time."

"But..." Gabrielle sat down on the edge of the pool and took a deep breath. "Oh god," she hissed.

Gabby looked down at the melee below. Every Amazon, soldier and horse was frozen. Everything was silent and still, even Jane beside her.

"What's going on," she whispered, looking at her outstretched hand. "Did I do this?" She dropped out of the tree and walked through the battle, touching metal, skin and leather now and again. They felt real, alive but just... frozen. "Is this my power?" she wondered aloud. "Can I stop time?"

The young girl sat down on a fallen tree. She wasn't yet ready to go to her mother so instead she concentrated on trying to get time started again. She tried unsuccessfully for a moment but then a thought occurred to her. She stood and slowly walked to when Xena was kneeling, a look of pain on her face. Gabby reached out and touched her cheek.

"Mom," she said softly. "I said before that I was a demi-god and I couldn't even do anything to bring Mama back. Maybe I was wrong..."

The End