Spoiler Alert: This contains info about the last three eps of season 5 not to mention bits and pieces from all the other seasons too..

Disclaimer: All that copyright stuff comes into effect here.

For: Sham, Dec, Gill, Sid and Philip.

What am I thinking as I look across the campfire at my best friend? I’m thinking that I love her more than anyone else in the world.

Who’d have thought that a young, innocent bard from Potedaea could meet a strong, cold ex-warlord and learn so much from her that she’d never be the same again? What’s more unusual is that that ex-warlord could also learn from that bard. I know her five years now. I remember the first time I saw her. I was being tossed around, along with other women from my village, by some slavers and suddenly there she was. She was so beautiful. I remember every detail; long raven black hair, high cheekbones, full lips and eyes to rival the bluest summer sky. Even in her simple white, cotton shift, she looked like a princess. And that she was. The Warrior Princess.

After she had saved us from the slavers she surprised me by dropping to her knees and digging up something, which I saw afterwards were her leathers and armour. After speaking to her for the shortest of time, I knew that I had to go with her. My life was going nowhere in Potedaea and I didn’t want what my family had planned for me. Perdicus was a nice guy but I didn’t love him then and I certainly wasn't ready to be a farmer’s wife. Xena left after my father treated her badly and even though I tried to get her to let me go with her, she was determined to go on alone. What could I do? I had to follow her. She told me she was on her way home, to Amphipolis, so that night, I left my home, family and betrothed behind and left to follow my destiny. Somehow, I knew my destiny lay with Xena.

When she finally let me stay with her, it was on the silent condition that I didn’t pry into her life, especially her past. Her eyes held a multitude of emotion when she thought I wasn’t looking. When she knew I was, they were cold and guarded. She rarely smiled and barely tolerated my banter. Our first night together, I tried a number of times to get her to speak to me. She grunted a few times and I questioned her further. I remember the joy I felt when I finally received a smile for my troubles. When I first met Xena, her smiles were like Solstice gifts but now, they are one of the things I love most about her. She smiles so often now that my heart is nearly always light. She says that it’s thanks to me that she smiles. I think they were always there but she didn’t want to let them through because she felt she didn’t deserve to be happy.

Our first year together was a year of exploration… the exploration of our new friendship. Xena spent most of her time saving me from having my throat cut but when I received my Right of Caste, I was trained by the Amazons to use a fighting staff. Luckily, my skill increased over the years or Xena would probably still be saving me every other day! Now I fight by her side.

Our second year together was incredible. I learned so much from her, even though she didn’t realise she was teaching me at all. We also grew closer after Callisto murdered my husband. I suppose you can’t live with someone twenty-fours hours a day without getting to know them quite well and I started to see a side to Xena that I always suspected was there but rarely got to see. I realised that she was a very loving woman who made herself step back for my own safety and she told me that she was afraid that I’d become a target for her enemies. I told her that I had no intentions of leaving her and she just smiled. It was at this point that I realised just how much I had come to cherish her and when I told her on the deck of that ship that she was my best friend and I loved her, she said she loved me too… and I know she meant it. Xena never says anything she doesn’t mean.

She died that year. I felt an emptiness inside that scared me half to death and I realised that I needed her. I spoke to her in my mind and when she finally found her way back, she told me that she had heard everything I said and she couldn’t leave me. I think our bond strengthened that day and it was the beginning of the rest of our lives.

Our third year together was the most difficult of my life so far. We were in turmoil for a long time what with Chin and my daughter killing her son. We both went crazy with grief and blamed each other for everything. We hurt each other so badly, both physically and emotionally, that I thought we would never trust each other again but we made it through it all and became stronger for it. It’s true. We went through Tartarus and back with my daughter, the daughter of the evil god Dahok, but I couldn’t let Xena sacrifice herself to rid the world of my evil child and as I fell over the edge of the lava pit, pulling my daughter with me, I saw Xena’s grief as she realised that she had lost me. I was lucky though. Somehow, I was spared a fiery death and was able to get back out of the pit. I made my way back to Potedaea to find that my daughter had taken my place there but Xena knew she wasn't me. She had searched for me in the Amazon Land of the Dead but when Alti showed her a vision of our death, she knew I was still alive. We had a final showdown with my daughter… the one I had called Hope… and were finally able to put that terrible year behind us. Xena told me that I was the one she loved most in the world and I knew exactly how she felt.

Our fourth year was, to put it mildly… interesting. We did a lot of travelling and in India we had some strange adventures. I met someone in India who changed my life. Eli taught me about the Way of Love and for a while, I tried my best not to fight. Xena and I had spent a lot of our time fighting to defend villages and so on up to that and I felt a bit guilty that I couldn’t help her but she understood and respected my decision. I didn’t know she was in torment over the vision of our death but she didn’t tell me until I forced her to. I had told her that I had accepted the consequences of our life together and I really meant it. I had also accepted the fact that I could die at anytime. I wasn’t afraid of it… until the moment I saw Xena lying on the ground, her back broken by her own chakram. It was at that moment that I feared it most and I picked up a sword and killed a number of Roman soldiers to protect my best friend, as she lay helpless on the ground. Xena’s vision came true and we were crucified side by side. Just before the nails were driven into my hands and feet, Xena whispered something to me that I will never forget.

‘You were the best thing in my life’

I was so overcome by emotion that all I could do was tell her that I loved her… and I did, more than my own life. I could hear her screaming as her hands and feet were brutalised, as mine had been. The pain was excruciating and I remember praying to the gods to let us die quickly. I think I died first. Xena was too stubborn to die and I know that she hung on with every ounce of strength she possessed before her body finally gave up.

We are now in our fifth year and it has been a year of new life, in more ways than one. After Eli brought us back from the dead, we never discussed the battle for heaven but I don't want to. Xena saved Callisto from Hell and as an angel Callisto repaid her in a way that neither of us, warrior or bard could ever have imagined. She gave her a child. After Xena found out she was pregnant, she was afraid. She knew that her baby would be in danger but she was determined to keep this child. She had very much regretted giving up her son. After Xena and I saved the baby’s soul from Alti, Xena decided that we should go east so she could ‘learn a few new tricks’. Being the mother of the Bringer of the Twilight was very difficult for Xena and we spent most of our time fighting the gods. After the baby was born, we were in even more danger but we were just about able to keep ahead of the gods. We stayed with the Amazons for a while and then went to Egypt to stay with Cleopatra. Unfortunately, Cleopatra was killed by the man who crucified us, Brutus. Xena had to pretend to be Cleopatra in order to prevent Rome from taking over Egypt but she fell in love with a Roman soldier, Antony. I’ll never forget the look on her face as she was forced to kill him. There was a sadness in her eyes that tore my heart right out of my chest but as usual, she made her way through it. Gods, that woman is strong.

Faking our own deaths is probably the most unusual thing we’ve ever done and believe me, we’ve done a lot. The plan was risky but we had to get the gods off Eve’s back and the best way for us to do that was to make them think that we were dead. We never could have known that Ares would interfere and when we woke up in that freezing cave, twenty-five years had past. The first thing that crossed out minds when we woke up was ‘Where’s Eve?’. We found her in Rome with Octavius, but the woman we saw, Livia, was the Champion of Rome. She wouldn’t believe that she was Xena’s daughter and it took us a long time to finally make her see who she really was. The hardest part for me to live with is that I tried to kill her, my adopted daughter. Ares put the Furies in my head and they drove me to murder. I thought I was protecting Xena but as I felt her chakram slice open the back of my head, I knew that I had done something terribly wrong. Xena would never hurt me without good reason. When I woke up, Xena had slaughtered half the gods and Ares was mortal, having given up his godhood to save Eve and I. Eve told me that Xena had said that I was the purest thing in her life and that Eve was her great hope. As Xena and I stood on the beach watching Eve playing with a spider, I told her that she had got her daughter back. She turned to me, smiled and told me that we had got our daughter back and at that moment I loved her more than ever. She was sharing her most precious possession with me. That precious possession is asleep near to her mother right now. That was yesterday and since the beach, I’ve been dying to write all this down. I want to give it to Eve some day…

So what am I thinking as I look across the campfire at my best friend? I’m thinking that I love her more than anyone else in the world.

The End