"A comedy about celebrity, family and other forms of insanity."
America's Sweethearts is a film I never dreamed would make this site. My girlfriend rented it looking for a night of sweet, escapist fun. Unfortunately, even she despised the phony cardboard characters and synical attitude of Crystal's wildly uneven (and unfunny) screenplay. Also, there is more technical incompetence surrounding this production than any other "big screen" film I've seen.
The plot follows Gwen Harrison (Catherine Zeta Jones) and Eddie Thomas (John Cusak), "America's Sweethearts". This duo has headlined more successful romance pictures than Tracy and Hepburn. Unfortunately, it seems this Eddie and Gwen have pulled a Sonny and Cher, breaking up their off screen love-life. Of course this ruins their box office draw, as they can't carry solo careers. When their last picture (directed by Christopher Walken) is due for release, the head of the funding studio (Stanley Tucci) decides to orchestrate a press junket. Well, Gwen brings her nerdy assistant - and sister (believable) - Julia Roberts, and Eddie loads of medication. Seems he's become mentally unstable since their break-up. Crystal is in charge of this event (and keeping the once in love duo talking). Sound funny? Well, for extra laughs, Hank Azaria is thrown in as Hector, Gwen's new Spanish "boy toy". Azaria's Spanish accent will make one cringe and wish Jon Voight played this role (he was a more believable Spaniard in Anaconda).
Aside from Roberts, this is a cast of actors I usually enjoy. Unfortunately, nothing here is funny - or even remotely believable. The fact a Hollywood star would use their sister for an enotourage is pure nonsense. Wouldn't this girl despise her starlet sister pushing her around all the time? And what does she get paid? The movie never even tells us the details of their working arrangement. Terrible. It continues to goes downhill. Sweethearts is also hampered by soem of the WORST cinematography in years. The screen is in and out of focus at one point, and at other times (during an unfunny scene involving Crystal's private area and Zeta Jones' dog) the frame shakes uncontrolably. I've never seen incompetence like this in a big-budget theatrical release. These things should be givens.
The low point: When some decent aerial photography is finally thrown in, it consists of rocks and dirt. Where'd they shoot this thing? It's not quite bland enough (sarcasm intended).
The high point: You can only see up Robert's huge nostrils once or twice. Usually, I have to bring a vomit bag any time she lies down (I swear I can see her brain!).
The bottom line: I'm not sure how, but this thing is rated PG-13, despite the "f-word", many drug references and talk of Azaria's small penis. As a romantic comedy, America's Sweethearts fails miserably. As a bad/funny film, it's only moderatlely successful. Watch if you're bored.