The Mummy Returns offers us only a few glimpses of the mummy, who apparently was guzzling too much beer when he should have been using an Ab Rocker. That's right! The "terrifying" mummy has lovehandles. He even wears crappy shirts in a futile attempt to cover this up. Seems Arnold (Darkman 2) Vosloo put on a few pounds between flicks.
As for the plot, this one takes place ten(!) years after the original. Evelyn (Rachel Weisz) and Rick (Fraser) now have a son named Alex (Freddie Boath). Hmm. Wonder what the producers were thinking? If the kid thing didn't work in Episode 1 , why would it here? Anyway, there's something about a treasure of Rick's that is stolen by some folks who wish to ressurect Imhotep (aka the mummy). They kidnap Alex along the way. It's up to Rick and Evelyn to save the day, along with Jonathon, Evelyn's brother (John Hannah - Yep, he's back and more annoying than ever).
Oh yes, there are plenty of catch phrases. Including one extremely clever (heavy sarcasm intended) expression by an African American character, "I'm gonna get shot in the ass". Of course, he never does, making one wonder the relevance of this being CONSTANTLY said. In fact, that seems to be the whole problem with The Mummy Returns. No Payoff. The conclusion offers us The Rock as (drum roll please) "The Scorpion King". A character so badly rendered in CGI, that I was searching for a video game controller in the theater (of course, that was after I had woken up). Did I mention that it's boring too?
Senseless, ill concieved, money hungry big studio creations like this are easy to hate. And yep, I do HATE this. Save your money and buy the first one...not to watch of course, but to use for target practice.
The high point: Hmm, still thinking of one. Will get back with it later (if ever).
The low point: A gas powered flying boat that runs on...flames(?!).
Bottom Line: The Mummy Returns feels six hours in length. It is as far as I'm concerned.
Little known director Stephen (Deep Rising) Sommers once seemed talented. Not anymore. And, unfortunately, with The Scorpion King in prodcution, any signs of hope are lost. A pity.
