Blue Monkey

Government Cheese
Review by guest critic Government Cheese

out of

(Moderator's note: "Blue Monkey" is an awful 1987 sci-fi film about a geriatric who recieves an insect bite while working at a greenhouse. He later lays eggs and releases a giant man eating bug. However, the title is a mystery to us. The film is mostly shot with a red filter and contains no primates. Our African American guest critc helps decipher why "Blue Monkey" has such a misleading name.)

The White Devil has invaded my project's local video store. Yo', shit. If it's not bad enough that they give me my welfare checks, mothafuka', I have to sit through jive like this. Racist honkeys. Stay in your own 'hood!

Why call this movie Blue Monkey? There's no "monkeys" anywhere. It's about some giant bug eating white people. Oh. I get it. It's a case of "the man" kicking the helpless African American when he's down. The only colored character in the film is a cop. A BLACK COP. Know the slang term for an African American? Monkey! And what do they call the po-po? Men in blue. That's right. Blue Monkey. What the fuck is that? We'll start a riot up there in Beverly Hills, punk ass bitches.

Shit, I hope every fat, white bitch involved with this movie dies. If a brother had directed, it would have been called Fat Roasted Pig. Know why? Cause all you white mother fuckers have jelly rolls around your waste, and the lead would be a cop - and if it took place in Compton, a DEAD Cop. I'd bust a cap in his ass personally.

What's the sequel gonna be? Blue Monkey 2: Four scrawny ass redneck bitches in blackface? 1

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