The secrets to making it on the dance floor
There are a number of secrets to making it on the dance floor. The most important of these are the moves. You don't need to know how to do the moon walk or some break dance move that ends with everyone in the room coming under the mysterious spell of immaculate conception. You don't have to be John Travolta, Kevin Bacon or Michael Jackson to burn up the floor. All you need is a few moves like these up your sleeve. These moves are known and come under the category of Super Mega A Grade! The best and only way to bust a move.
The Funky Chicken
This move is best pulled off at the of the night when every one is out trying to do the most craziest and awesome dance moves. Out of the blue you will all of a sudden turn into a crazy, funky chicken that's on crack!
Simply put one hand on the back of your head and with the other hand grab your foot behind your back and jump around like you are trying to knee yourself in the head but don't actually head but your knee or you'll look like a real dick! The trick to pulling this one off is to always grab your opposite foot eg. grab your left foot with your right hand or vice versa.
The Funky Chicken never fails. Is always good one to pull off when you are shoved into the middle of a circle.
Crazy Legs
Crazy legs is a high energy move that is pulled off with some danger to yourself and others. This move, like most moves, looks best when done in a small group, or a large group, it doesn't really matter. The key to pulling this one off is fast feat movement, not kicking yourself and falling on your face and a high sugar intake.
Remember this dance is all about "going off!"
The Safety Dance
The safety dance is a move that originated from the song The Safety Dance by Men Without Hats. During the film clip they travel through a medieval village with the safety dance singer, blond chick and the most important thing to take on any journey, a midget. the safety dance can be done by any dolt. all you need to do is make an S with your hands. every now and then doing it very stifly with a serious face, just like the film clip. This dance is best done with the safety dance but can be done to most songs.
Remember, it's not all that safe!
The Extended Safety Dance
This move evolved from the safety dance and grew into something much much more. It involves doing the safety dance S followed by a reverse S, then a kick. This move is then repeated but with the kick on the other leg.
The Bob AKA The Homer Simpson Bob
This is the most simple dance move. the only thing more easier than this is standing. simply stand there and every now and then bend your knees. This move was made famous when Homer Simpson did it one day. Simple but effective.
The Air Guitar
This is one super mega hardcore move that every one needs to know how to do. All you need to have is a good imagination and act like you know how to play the guitar.
There are three main levels of air guitar.
Standard
This is the staple of being a great air guitarist.
Hardcore
This is for those who are really rocking out like they mean it. Pull this one off during a heavy rock song and you will get more chicks than the guitarist them self would!
Meg-Hardcore
Careful doing this one, you just might get a stacks on when all the chick decide they can't hold themselves back! This is often done after hardcore and in. Some times you just have to rock out mega-hardcore style!
The Thrust or The Mr. Bean Thrust
This move is also simple but effective. This move is Mr. Bean's trade mark dance move and is tried and proven.
The Hung Gorilla
One of the lesser used dance moves in the Super Mega A Grade category, when done correctly this move will make you look like a gorilla carrying his massive cods. This is a good one to pull if you there is a lot of tree hugging animal lovers about. It shows you care.
New Super Mega A Grade moves are being created all the time. Watch this space for new and improved moves.
The Ogre Walk
Next time you see an ogre just copy how it walks. If you have your doubts that you will see an ogre then read this. This is not as much a dance move as it is a walk that works well in crowded footpaths and corridors. People will look at you and get out of your way, much like cars do when an ambulance is trying to get through. They will move simply because you look like a retard.
To do the ogre walk bend over looking at the floor, hang your left arm limply down and the other on your body. Now walk without putting your right foot in front of your left. Don't be afraid to walk a bit sideways at times. Now all you need to do is make sound. mrrrhhh-errrr-eeeeeeeeer, or what ever retarded noise you can come up with.
Enjoy.
Splitting The Herd
There are times, often early in the night where every one is on the dance floor and all the chicks are congregated in one area of the dance floor and the blokes on the other and there is nothing much you can do about it. Wrong! This is where the designated fat guy comes into play. If TV has taught me anything, and it has, it's that fat people can get away with anything! No one suspects the fat guy... Any way this move is quite simple as there is often a fat guy in most groups and 9/10 times he has heavily indulged in baked beans or something to that effect. To "split the herd" it's as simple as this:
Impossible to get in? I think not.
Enter the fat guy!
"Did some one cut one?"
Mission accomplished.