Guide To A Big Night
1. Preparation
Like any finely tuned athlete preparation is important. Having plenty of sleep the night before the big one is is crucial. Those who are worried about their performance might even have to turn to energy drinks to get through.
This is important for many reasons as those who are known to go to sleep (pass out, pike it, soft it out, gay, die in the arse etc.) during a big night leave them selves open to be drawn on, given a make-over, placed in strange situations and even turkey slaps. It is also very likely that they will have photos taken of them and put on the internet (fig. 1). Remember passing out around drunks leaves you very vulnerable, it's always a good idea to be there until the end.
Fig. 1 Lenny, all tuckered out.
2. Draw On Your Mates
If your mate happens to pass out it is your responsibility, as a mate, to do something to them. Remember if there are women living in the house that the party is at or there are women at a venue then there is likely to be make-up. Find some. Permanent markers or any other kind of texters or pens are plentiful. Use them to draw on your sleeping friends face, hands, arms etc.
Fig. 2 A proud work of art
Nothing says you care like drawing a penis on their cheek or forehead and waiting to see how long it takes them to find it in the morning. Once your friend finds your artistic surprise they will be most impressed. It is also complementary to use a black texter and connect their eye brows, draw stylish facial hair and other pictures.
Fig. 3 "Sex-u-arl"
3. Knowing Your Limits
Drinking is less of a sprint and more of a middle/long distance run for many of us. Remember it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk your get. Remember failing to know your limits could see you come under rule number 2. Knowing your limits does not apply to all of us. For example there is David Boon. David Boon was a great Australian cricketer but also a champion Australian drinker. Boonie possibly has the toughest stomach of any human ever born. That is assuming he is human as there is a theory that some one has just stuck a moustache and a cricket bat on a keg. Boonie's most famous stat is the 52 beers he drank on an aeroplane flight from Australia on his way to England. While Boonie is a role model for many of us drinkers, it is important to remember that he is a professional and trying to out do Boonie always ends in tears.
Fig. 4 David Boon celebrates drinking all the beer in Ireland and then making a test century in the one day.
4. Warm Down
Warm down is one of the most enjoyable and satisfying parts of having a big night. The basic principles of the warm down are fast food, especially KFC, Dim Sims and Kebabs! When finishing up a big night, there is nothing better than eating hot greasy food. This is not just extremely pleasurable but also helps prevent hangovers. The greasier the better when finding something to eat.
Fig. 5 Awesome Greasy KFC
KFC is cooked in oil and lard (the greasiest of grease) so it is often the best although Dim Sims are also often cooked under these conditions and kebabs are often dripping with pure goodness as well.
Fig. 6 Kebabs are the staple early morning diet
5. Recovery
Recovery is the part all of us dread, especially after a big night. But there are a few tricks for successfully beating the hangover.
Gatorade, Powerade or any sports drink are truly awesome when it comes to recovery. There is nothing better than downing a bottle or two of this stuff.
Fig.7
KFC is the next thing when in recovery mode. Like any finely tuned machine you need to re-grease and top up the oil every now and then. The greasier the KFC the better as the secret herbs, spices, grease and chicken growth products have been formulated to suite and aid those who are hung-over. Jerk food, which is anything vegetarian or stuff marketed as being healthy like the crap McDonalds are going on with at the moment won't help you here. Remember if you aren't eating animals, you aren't contributing to man's ever long battle against nature.
Bacon and eggs are the other staple breakfast diet of the hung over. These provide essential grease and taste awesome! Definitely follow up a bacon and eggs breakfast with KFC and Gatorade. In fact eat as many different types of animals in the one day as you can, this will not affect your hangover greatly but it'll be a fun thing to do.