I hate HieixKurama fanfics.

I hate the way people completely forget that both Hiei and Kurama are many, many years old, and have either one of them acting like teenagers (usually Kurama, because he is the more expressive (read: "emotional") of the two, and looks most like a girl). I hate how some ignore the fact that both of them are demons, despite Kurama’s human form and the fact that they both live in the human world. (Especially considering how often Hiei complains about the human world, the humans in said world, and how incredibly stupid the entire thing is.) I hate how Hiei’s character is changed from a cold-hearted, stoic, and blunt demon to a misunderstood, mentally fragile, and pubescent human-that-calls-himself-a-demon. I hate how Kurama’s character is changed from a manipulative, understanding, and struggling-with-past-issues demon to a emotional, wimpy, and struggling-with-PMS teenage girl (that doesn’t even try to pretend he’s a demon.)

I loathe it when Hiei suddenly realizes he’s in love with Kurama through some weird circumstance, like a battle (like that hasn’t ever happened before), or Kurama getting hurt (...), or just because he sat down and really thought about it for a good long while. It’s even worse when Hiei is forced to do tacky things like dance or sing or buy chocolates for Kurama because that is what teenage girls think would perfect romance from their (hypothetical) teenage boyfriends. I hate it even more when Kurama falls for that.

I despise when Kurama can’t handle everyday life, and must ask Hiei for help. I hate it when, to get his way in the relationship, Kurama sometimes pleads (with wide, sparkling emerald eyes, of course) or storms away in a huff (‘cause that’s so how Kurama deals with adversity), or even starts sobbing (quivering lip and all.) I hate it when people abuse the fact that Kurama is expressive to the point where Kurama cries if Hiei goes to the store without him. (And sadly, I have read stories like that.) It is disgusting whenever I read about Kurama pining endlessly away for Hiei, who is living in Makai, and who is so mean ‘cause he won’t come visit Kurama, even though if Kurama really wanted to see him he could just go to the Makai himself. Even when it’s just Kurama being stubborn, half the time he acts like a starry-eyed middle school twit instead of a centuries old demon incarnate. Not cool.

I glower at fanfics that display KuramaxHiei as a perfect couple, whose fights amount to a bit of snapping on the side. (They both have tempers, Hiei especially so. If Kurama really loved him, he wouldn’t be that understanding.) It is aggravating when the other members of the Rekai Tantei react with disgust, causing oh-so-much angst. (Demons are not human. Yuusuke and Kuwabara know this.) I especially hate it when Kuwabara is shown as a bigoted, self-centered, annoying snot who hates homosexuals and anything other than the accepted norm, despite the fact that he is (in general) a very nice guy who wouldn’t throw friendship away just because of sexual preference. Even with people he doesn't like (read: Hiei), Kuwabara wouldn't dislike him for something so pitiful as who Hiei is sleeping with. (Rather, he'd dislike him 'cause Hiei is a jackass.) But that's another rant.

It’s annoying when fanfics have Kurama and Hiei try and deal with social prejudice. Whenever Kurama is feeling bad about the nasty stares they are getting, or Hiei is trying to comfort the upset kitsune, I’ve always wondered why Kurama even cares (it’s not like the people are his mother, one of the only humans that Kurama really does care about) or why Hiei goes so far as to comfort him (because Hiei should know that Kurama shouldn’t care, and henceforth, consider comforting a pointless pastime.) I don’t like when Kurama stresses on coming out to his mother, which, while making a bit of sense in regards to Shuuichi, is a bit strange considering how many lies Kurama has already told his mother. (So why should one more make a difference?)

It pisses me off when Hiei is the always the seme, even though Kurama is clearly more mentally stable and controlling than the fire demon is. I hate it when Hiei is the strong yet stoic supporter while Kurama is the essential damsel in distress, who still needs protecting despite his fighting skills. (Considering that Kurama is probably older than Hiei; considering that Kurama has a strong, fierce reputation as a ruthless thief; considering that Kurama kicks just as much ass as Hiei does...) I hate it when Kurama’s troubles are all trivial in comparison to Hiei’s, or vice-versa.

I hate it when either one of them tries to "protect" the other by doing something incredibly stupid, like forgetting that the other knows very well how to fight. Or trying to involve themselves in a fight that the other is in, when they really have no place in it at all. I loathe it when trite words of affection are tossed around effortlessly, especially before a battle, when both of them should really just be focusing on fighting. I hate it when the words "I love you" are uttered after they’ve had sex for the first time. Or when the entire story leads up to them having sex at the end, as a declaration of their utmost love.

I really, really hate it when any nicknames are given that include the words "sugar", "cutie" or "honey." This goes back to how I hate it when people forget that a) Hiei and Kurama are demons and b) are not prepubescent human teenagers.

I despise it when sex is such a big deal, especially since it’s usually Kurama whose making such a huge deal of it. Kurama is a youko. He has lived for centuries. He HAS had sex before. Likely, considering that he is a demon, so has Hiei. I hate it when Kurama and Hiei swear virginity and eternal monogamy, because no matter how hard it is to believe, Christianity likely isn’t practiced in the Makai. I hate it when Kurama and/or Hiei is so embarrassed about sex that they cover it up with lies.

On the flip side, I hate it when Kurama cheats on Hiei with Yuusuke for no other reason than Yuusuke was there. It’s sickening how Kurama is viewed as the only one who could possibly be so uncontrolled as to be taken in by lust, despite the fact that Kurama is rarely, if ever, uncontrolled. It’s aggravating when, for some reason, Hiei deals with this by first getting angry and then crying about it, instead of getting angry and brooding. I hate it when Hiei is forced to be overly emotional, because heaven knows he's trained himself to feel barely anything aside from anger over the many years of scorn and pain and whatnot. I hate it when Kurama is pretty much drawn by lust, and can’t help it when he has sex, because the other guy was so damned sexy. It’s disgusting when Kurama acts like a inexperienced teenager who doesn’t know how to handle sexual urges, instead of a fox demon who causes many of said urges.

I hate when Kurama and Hiei’s tales of love are told in bad grammar and spelling. I hate it when people don’t know how to spell their names. I hate it when the chapters are a page long, or involve the use of "!!!" or "??" or "?!??!" I hate it when IM speech is used in a fanfic, like "cu latr!" or "gtg" or "lol." I hate it when the plots are so unrealistic that I have to check at the top of the page to see if the story is Alternate Universe or just severely fucked up. I hate it when authors end the story with things like, "Will Kurama finally admit his love for Hiei??!!" and "I need (so many) reviews to continue this!!" I hate it when authors won’t accept criticism when they have Kurama sobbing endlessly about a bad report card, or something equally hideous.

It really sucks.

Because I love HieixKurama.

But I hate most of the fanfiction.

....

Stupid fucking demons.