March 2000 - Top Of The Pops - Fooling Around
Wicked women, shipwrecked shenanigans and dodgy make pants! Time for WESTLIFE's racy recelations - anybody interested?
What's the main talking point in the Westlife camp at the mo?
Bryan: (Quick as flash) Women! Who the best looking women on the scene ate.
Mark: That's easy, Mariah Carey!
Kian: No, Catherine Zeta Jones!
Shane: Heather Graham!
Bryan: Jennifer Lopez!
Mark: Left-Eye!
Nicky: Liz Hurley!
Bryan: I'm more of a Jennifer Love Hewitt man myself. (Westlife proceed to list practially every female celebrity on the planet...)
Apparently head-to-toe white is the look for spring/summber 2000. Do you feel like trendsetters?
Shane: Yes, but we set that trend last year!
Nicky: (Clearly taking the mick.) I don't know what you're taklig about! We've never worn all-white in our lives!
Bryan: I think we definitely set the short-sleeved shirt trend. Short sleeves in the dead of winter. Any time of year in fact.
Kian: The thing is we only wear all-white for performances and photo shoots. I'd never go out wearing all-white! I'd look like I was in a boy band!
Bryan: Do you remember when me and Mark always had to wear those big, long coats? We looked so stupid!
Nicky: What about my hair at teh beginning? Now that was stupid!
What's the best laugh you've had recently?
Shane: That'd have to be the cow up the tree.
Kina: We were at a photo shoot and went outside for some air. Anyway, there was this guy up the tree (starts chuckling)...
Nicky: (Taking over.) And so one of the lads asked what he was doing. Being silly, I said he was probably trying to get the big cow from the top of the tree. (Laughing.) And the lads fell for it and went, 'Where?' I suppose you had to be there!
Shane: We're not normally that gullible. Mark is though. He believes pretty much anything.
Mark: Sometimes I just ahve trouble working out if people are being serious or not.
How do you reckon you'd cope on the new teenage documentary, Shipwrecked?
Mark: I'd be useless!
Kian: Oh I think I'd quite enjoyit. What agreat way to chill out.
Bryan: But who would Nicky cope without his mobile? Nicky's the worst for his phone.
Nicky: How am I? You're the worst!
Bryan: I am not!
Nicky: OK then, Feehily is.
Kian: Yeah, Mark is the worst without a doubt.
Nicky: (In football chant style.) Feehily's the worst on the mobile! Feehily's the worst on the mobile!
Mark: I'm not that bad.
Shane: Oh Mark, you're on it every chance you get!
Boys, please, back to the question...
Bryan: Haven't they got to kil pigs though?
Shane: Oh, I couldn't do that. I'm too sqeamish. I'd sooner eat one of the lads! Probably Nicky cos he's the cleanest!
Mark: Wouldn't we start to stink though after a while?
Nicky: Well, no cos you can still wash yourself in the ocean. And you can get, like, exotic flower oetals and make your own cologne.
Kian: And after three months your hair would start to wash itself naturally.
Shane: I think I'd grow a beard. (Thinking aloud.) I'd grow quite a good beard. I have to shave twice a day now, imagine the size of it after a couple of months!
So who's the biggest ponce in Westlife?
Shane: Well Nicky's quite posh so I'd say him.
Nicky: What?!
Shane: Oh come on! You do wash an awful lot.
Nicky: (Complete with dodgy American accent.) Don't even go there!
Shane: (In equally dodgy American twang.) You rock teh party!
Nicky: Get out of town!
Who's the worst ligger in Westlife?
Shane: That'd have to be Bryan.
Bryan: No!
Nicky: Come on Bryan, let's lay it out on the table.
Would that have to be soemthing to do with his repitation as a bit of a ladies' man by any chance?
Bryan: No. I'm not this lady-killer the papers keep trying to make me out to be.
Nicky: I mean he's never killed any of them, heh heh!
Bryan: I'm honestly not like that at all though.
Kian: Actually Mark's more of a ladies' man. He's a real dark horse. (Cue Mark looking even more coy than usual!)
Shane: Everyone thinks he's really quiet but he's a rel charmer. He doesn't tell us everything he gets up to!
Bryan: He's a bad man for the models.
Shane: Oh yeah, he always pulls a stunner of a girl.
Have any of you ever crashed and burned when you've tried to chat up a girl?
Bryan: There was this one time when I tried on of Joey from Friends' lines. I went up to this irl and said (in think, himbo-style, US twang), 'How you doin'?' And she just turned and said, 'Shut up you sap'!' and walked off. That's definitely not one to use in future!
Which of you is the worst for the sucking up to management?
(Cue whopping laughter and much finger-pointing in Kian's direction)
Kian: I don't suck up, it's just that I'm the one who keeps in regular contact with management.
The rest: Yeah right!
In light of Posh's revelation about Becks wearing her thongs, would you ever be tempeted to try one yourself?
Shane: Oh, no way!
Bryan: Oh, why not? Yeah, bring 'em on if you ask me!
Shane: They're meant to be very comfortable.
Nicky: I thjnk if you're very happy with it and it's your own time then why not.
Mark: If you're wearing trousers no one's going to know what you've got underneath anyway.
Nicky: Go man! Boy power!
On a night out who's the last to bed?
Bryan: (With a cheeky lint in his eye.) Well that depends on how well the night goes, if you know what I mean!
Mark: I can never go to bed early.
Bryan: Basically the lat one to leave for bed is usually the one who hasn't pulled!
(Much raucous laughter)
When you eventually make your film, which one of you will make the most cock-ups and forget your lines?
Mark: Me, cos I'm just crap at learning lines so I think I'll defintely be Mr 20 Takes!
Bryan: It doesn't really matter though, as long as I get a screen kiss, that's the main thing!
Well, after all Bryan, you do have a reputation to uphold!
Fact
Those Westlife lads enjoy nothing better than a hearty breakfast. Particularly Nicky and Bryan...
Bryan: I always have a proper breakfast. Usually I have a bowl of All Bran every morning but Nicky has a cooked breakfast every day.
Nicky: I hate cereal. I like it sometimes but it can make me feel ill. Ideally if we're not in a rush I'll have a fry-up. The full works - black pudding, white pudding... it's like black pudding except it's white!
Bryan: Yeah. We have all races of pudding in Ireland!