| The Spanish Guy Who Didn't Know English There was this Spanish Guy who came to the U.S. He wanted to work at a grocery store but he didn't know any English. He was hired but his boss told him to say three things. If a customer asks "How much is this product?". You say, "$.50, $.50". If they say "How fresh are these?". You say "As fresh as can be, as fresh as can be". If they say "I'm gonna buy it here instead of at the other store". You "If you don't someone else will!". One day he meet a robber. The robber said, "How much money do you got?!". The man said, "$.50,$.50". The robber was kinda pissed. "Are you trying to be fresh wit me?!"asked the robber. "As fresh as can be as fresh as can be" said the man. The robber wuz really really pissed now! "I'M GONNA KILL YA!!" he yelled. The man simply said, "if you dont someone else will!" |
| Hearing Problems An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair. He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?" There was no response. He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hearme?" Still, there was no response. Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?" She replied, "For the third time, Yes!" |
| Are You a Boy or Girl Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?" "I don't know," replied the other baby giggling. "What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby. "I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply. "Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling. "I'll climb into your crib and find out." He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets. After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face. "You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly. "You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell?" "It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy "you've got pink booties and I've got blue ones." (What were u thinking?!) |
| A LAWYER AND HIS CAR A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?" |
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| Click da Pic 2 beginin of site!! |
| JOKEZ!!! |
| These jokes were ones that I found and ones that frendz told me about!! Thankz heapz!!! If u have good onez send them to me at [email protected] avoid da rude ones!! :P Have fun!! |
| Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard: "One and one, the son of-a-bitch is two." ; "Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four." ; "Three and three... " His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Clara Jones taught him. His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she approached Ms. Jones and told her what happened. The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Jones exclaimed, "Oh, I know... here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teacher: "Johnny, give me a sentence starting with 'I'" Little Johnny: "I is..." Teacher: "No, Little Johnny. Always say 'I am.'" Little Johnny: "All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. " The detectives want him very badly." So Little Johnny asked, "Why the heck didn't you keep him when you took his picture?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None.", replied Johnny "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third sucking the cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking." ----------------------------------- "do you admit you broke in the shop four times" "yes your honour" the acused said "what did you steal" "one dress your honour" "but you admit to breaking in the shop four times!" "my wife didn't like the colour" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- All these jokes where Passed on to me by Minh!! HEh, Thanx Minh!! |
There was this guy that loves eating bake beans.... but he had a problem...... everytime he ate bake beans, he will fart for the nest 10 minutes..... but he was really addicted to it. one day he found the woman of his dreams and decided to quit bake beans.... he suceeded, they got married and had a beautifull family togther. one day, it was his birthday.... and he was on his way home from work, his car had just broke down, soo he called his wife and said he wont get home like ussual, because his car broke down, his wife told him to just relax and enjoy the walk home, but she said not too late, coz she had a surprise for him, on his way, he found a bake bean shop, soo he said...... 'if i eat some now, i can fart my way home', soo he went in and ask the guy for 2 bowls of bake beans ..... after he ate all those bake beans.... he walked home, leaving alot of farts behind..... he arrived at last, and his wife put a blind fold on him, and leaded him to the main room of the house, still blind folded she made him sat down, the phone suddently rang, so his wife got it........ as his wife was talking, he felt an urge to fart, but this one was just small..... soo he let it go knowing his wife still was talking on the phone....... as he fart, he quickly breath in and outto make the smell go away, second fart came bigger then the first..... but then again, he let it out and breath in and out....... but this fart, was the fart of all farts!!!!, he couldnt hold it much longer, soo he got his hankerchief out, and let it out, he quickly waved his hankerchief backwards and forward, and breath in and out as hard as he can, then his wife got off the phone, she said, 'ready for ure surprise hunny?', and she un-blindfolded him, he found out that all that time about 20 of his relatives and friends was sitting around him watching him embarase himself -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde woman was in a party with alot of her friends. There was alot of drinking going on. Some people drank beer, and some prefered coke. One of the blonde's friend held his hand high up and said ''Every body!, the beer is on the house!''. The blonde quickly went on the roof of the house to see if the beer was really on top of the house. Her friends were laughing they're heads off thinking that she must be really drunk. Even though she was one of the people that drank coke. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hehehehe Thanx Storm for these jokes ;)!!!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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| The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast." |
| TOILET HUMOR: Embarrassingly Funny! I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?" I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restrooms at a rest stop but, I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassedly: "Doin Just Fine!" And the other guy says: "So what are you up too?" What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh I'm like you, just traveling east!" At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. Can I come over to your place after while? Ok, this question is just wacky but i figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "Well, I have company over so today is a bad day for me!" Then I hear the guy say nervously... "LISTEN!!! I'll have to call you back, there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions, |
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