Unca Cheeks the Toy Wonder's Silver Age Comics Web Site!

. . . or: "Why Carl Barks Was the Greatest Comics Writer of All Time. . . Bar None. (No Foolin')" (Part 2)

Scrooge McDuck was wealthier than God Almighty.

His fabulous, multi-story "Money Bin," located at the epicenter of Duckburg, measured -- according to the canon -- "three cubiic acres."

The man wasn't anything so plebeian as a garden-variety "billionaire"; he was, instead, that rarest and most fantastic of economic entities: an "umpty-squazillionaire." (A "squazillion" being -- we are reliably informed, in the course of more than offering -- the numeral "1," followed by one million zeroes. Comparatively speaking: Ted Turner, Michael Eisner and Steve Case all tap-dance for stray dimes, over on Wilshire Boulevard. I'm just sayin')

Nothing -- but nothing -- in the world enntire afforded the feathery Fagin so much unalloyed joy as the ability "to dive around in my money, like a porpoise... and burrow through it, like a gopher... and toss it up and let it hit me on the head!"

However: never let it be said that -- all obvious excesses of naked avarice, aside -- Scrooge McDuck had not earned the right to luxuriate howsoever he pleased, within those hoary piles of lucre. He had, after all (this, too, was an unshakable aspect of the Barks canon) started out with, literally, nothing in his pockets, upon first sojourning to America from his native Scotland, back in The Year of Our Lord, 1902. "I made [my fortune]," Scrooge informs us, "on the seas, and in the mines, and in the cattle wars of the old frontier... I made it by being tougher than the toughies, and smarter than the smarties. And I made it SQUARE!" [See pictures, below]

(Note, too: Scrooge shares with us, as well, the knowledge that he refused to squander his hard-won wealth within the notorious "honkytonks" of the era. For which the grateful reader may only breathe a heartfelt sigh of "... thank God." The very notion of a nekkid McDuck, diving headlong into a writhing, waiting pile of mining town hookers... brrrrr.)

Granted, this was one duck who was "tight" with a buck. Whenever dragooning the infinitely malleable Donald and his three beloved nephews into yet another one of his never-ending schemes to amass even greater reserves of gain (ill-gotten, or otherwise), he compensated them at the truly miserly rate of "thirty cents an hour... take it or leave it!" [See picture, below]

On the other hand: the skinflint bore an obvious and deep-seated fondness for Huey, Dewey and Louie. He would (and did, on more than one occasion) sacrifice his own safety and well-being -- and even, in one notable instance, his beloved fortune -- in order to ensure their safety and well-being, whenever danger beckoned. And woe, woe betide any man or mallard -- even Donald Duck, his own muddled self -- who refused to flat-out spoil the trio of tykes rotten, come birthday or Xmas. [See pictures, below]

[Little-Known Bit of Scrooge McDuck Lore: in the course of one particular story -- during which, Scrooge is going over the terms of his Last Will and Testament, with his attorneys -- it is revealed that Huey, Dewey and Louie are to be the sole recipients of the McDuck fortune... with the single exception, that is, of the much-maligned Donald. He gets "one thin dime." However: as will be revealed, a little later on in our narrative -- this is one Really Exceptional Dime.)

It would be a dire mis-reading of the canon, however, for anyone to posit that -- Donald and the boys aside -- Scrooge McDuck harbored no higher, finer sentiments for any other living creature. In the course of yet another exemplary tale, we are startled to learn that there was even a woman in the umpty-squazillionaire's checkered past!

The fortunate fowl la femme was one "Glittering Goldie" -- the self-styled "Star of the North," and as rapacious a gold-pan gertie (back in Scrooge's mining town days) as was the old tightwad himself.

(Before you lot start to getting all misty-eyed and whatnot on me, however: Scrooge's fifty-plus year reunion with the aforementioned Goldie -- "the only live one I ever knew," in the gent's own words -- was in pursuit of a half-century old debt, which she had neglected to repay. So... you see.)

The most significant woman within the Barks "duck chronicles," however, was no romantic interest of any stripe.

Ladies and gentlemen: the time has come, at last, to discuss my all- time favorite comic book villainess -- that slinky sorceress: Magica DeSpell. (Not to mention that mysterious dime we were talking about, earlier.)

The story goes as follows: Magica -- an enchantress of no mean puissance or repute -- divined that "money which has been touched by very rich men" retains trace, magical elements of whatever intangible it is that has so afforded said individuals their enormous wealth. To that end, then: she sought to purchase oft-handled loose change from the very richest of such men, believing that -- once melted down into the form of an amulet, or other talisman -- the reconstituted coins would enrichen her, likewise.
(Y'know... this "seeking out the world's richest men" thing brings an altogether unwholesome notion to mind: Bruce (BATMAN) Wayne's business guru, Lucius Fox, buzzes his boss on the intercom, one morning:

(LUCIUS [haltingly]: "... ummmm... Mr. Wayne, sir? There's a... ahhhh... duck here to see you. And she's in... ummmm... high heels..."

(WAYNE [chuckling]: "... heh-heh-heh... ah, Lucius... you sly dog, you. You do know what I like, don'tcha...?"

(I'm just sayin', is all.)

The hard-headed and pragmatic Scrooge, of course, pooh-pooh's the witch's theory as nothing more than airy fantasy... but is perfectly willing to sell her all the ten cent pieces she cares to tote away, at the rate of one dollar per dime. (After all: there are those "three cubic acres" of such coins, resting securely within his impregnable Money Bin. What does he care... right?)

However: once DeSpell learns that Scrooge still holds fast the very first dime he ever made, out of skinflint sentiment -- even to the point of giving it a name (i.e., "Old Number One") -- nothing will do for the sorceress, save that she own that one dime, in particular.

Scrooge, of course, flatly refuses to offer her "Old Number One," at any price... and, thus: one of the most enduring (to say nothing of flat-out weirdest) enmities in all of comics history was off and running.

As the years progressed -- and the Scrooge/De Spell encounters began to pile gloriously up and up and up -- Barks actually began to hint (obliquely, at first; then, more blatantly) that there might actually have been something to the lady thaumaturge's theorizing... at least, so far as the sainted (by Scrooge, that is) "Old Number One" was concerned. In the course of one particular story -- during which time, De Spell actually manages to acquire the relic for a brief period -- she uses the coin to summon ancient Olympian deities to Earth (!!).

In light of a revelation such as that: Scrooge's leaving "one, thin dime" to Donald, in his will, scarcely seems all that cold-hearted, in retrospect... now, does it?

Carl Barks' DONALD DUCK and UNCLE SCROOGE: Page One

Carl Barks' DONALD DUCK and UNCLE SCROOGE: Page Three

Carl Barks' DONALD DUCK and UNCLE SCROOGE: Page Four

HERBIE POPNECKER: The Most Omnipotent Being In All of Comics History

"MORE COMIC BOOKS," YOU SAY...?

The DC Comics Sub-Directory
The Marvel Comics Sub-Directory
The Miscellaneous Comics Sub-Directory
The "Gotta Find That DC Character" Menu
The "Gotta Find That Marvel/Miscellaneous Character" Menu

Home Page

LEGAL SHAMANISMS