Duly inspired, then, post this site's recent interview with former SUICIDE SQUAD scripter super-dee-duper John Ostrander: Unca has taken it upon his own senile and smart alecky self to do a li'l low-grade pondering, re: this whole ticklish "How To Make the Concept of an Ongoing SUICIDE SQUAD Work, Nowadays."

One of the potential problems with the most recent "take" upon the SUICIDE SQUAD concept (and Unca would like it clearly understood, right from the proverbial git-go, that what follows should in no way, shape or form be taken as even the mildest criticism, re: the estimable Mr. Ostrander's outstanding work on said series; SUICIDE SQUAD was the bee's knees, in Unca's book) is that -- in any meta-fictive "world" where the resolutely foursquare and paladin-ish likes of Superman, the Batman and the Justice League are shared auctorial "givens" -- they really should oughtta, by all rights, be shut down in a hurried half-heartbeat, once the fact of their very existence has been made manifest to the greater portion of the spandexed community, overall.

Too: there's always the ongoing storytelling dilemma of just how, precisely, to best render a team of studiedly recalcitrant sociopaths and career recidivists reasonably sympathetic to the average reader, without undercutting or diluting the very same hard-edged and chilling amorality which renders criminal characters such as (say) Poison Ivy or Deadshot so gosh-darned appealing (in a seamy, squalid sort of way, I mean) in the first bloody place.

(I mean: would anyone really wanna see a story in which it is revealed -- just as a f'rinstance, mind -- that Marvel Comics' the Red Skull harbors a warm, soft spot within his innermost heart of hearts for li'l fluffy baby bunny rabbits? Or one where we watch, aghast, as Darkseid takes time out from his busy schedule of Ruling Apokolips With A Fist Like Unto Iron just long enough to play a quick game of "ring-around-the-rosie" with a gleeful and giggling brace of pig-tailed schoolchildren? You see the problem, then, I trust.)

Naturally, then: Unca has his own ideas as to how best to to circumvent said potential storytelling snafus.

Just in case any of you, out there, were losing any appreciable measure of sleep over the matter, I mean.

Okay. Here's the rundown on the unimaginably arbitrary (and grossly self-serving) baseline "rules" I imposed upon myself, for this little exercise:

1.) The modern-day incarnation(s) of the Suicide Squad -- UNlike the Justice League of America; UNlike the Avengers; UNlike the Mighty Crusaders; UNlike Kickers, Inc. -- are uniquely comprised of either:

a.) ... hardcore and coolly unrepentant career super-criminals; and/ or--

b.) ... super-heroes who (for one reason or another) fit in badly -- if at all -- with the ideals and/or approaches of their more "traditional" comrades in the spandexed trade.

That being said, then: my "dream team," on this page and those following, is broken down into three sub-groupings:

a.) A "core," public team of no more than six or seven characters; said organization's "acceptable" public face, in other words. (Within the costumed community, I mean; obviously, the greater portion of the world's non-super populace would never, should never, COULD never know jack diddley-doo-dah, re: the existence of a functioning, occasionally-sanctioned-by-the-U.S.-government "Suicide Squad" in their midst. Not without bloody counter-measures being undertaken by each and every other world governmental superpower, I mean.)

Said "core" roster is utilized, re: missions and assignments of which (say) a Superman or Batman might reasonably be expected to approve, overall; but cannot (for reasons of diplomatic nicety, or what-have-you) undertake themselves, within the more overtly "public" costumed arena.

b.) A secondary roster of semi-"known" Squad regulars; an appreciably more shadowy cabal of measurably... ummmm... welllllll... harder-edged individuals, who might not as readily blanch at the prospect of (again, say) the occasional international law adroitly sidestepped; or (if warranted) even the occasional throat cut, if needs must.

This "shadow" team performs an absolutely essential secondary function, as well: that of convincing the occasional suspicious super- snooper (e.g.: Oracle; the Batman; Cameron Chase; etcetera), if necessary, that they've "discovered" the Squad's deepest, darkest secret...

... which, of course, is precisely what the Squad's mysterious and unseen brain trust wants them to believe, of course.

c.) ... and, finally: the third and final Squad "team"; the one whose existence isn't even known to those serving within said organization's other two branches.

These characters are the ones trotted out whenever someone (or -- more likely -- a great many someones) need to die very, VERY quickly, indeed.

They are the specifically selected ones who don't much mind doing that sort of heavy situational "lifting," in all naked honesty.

They are, in short, well and truly d-i-s-t-u-r-b-e-d.

Or mind-bogglingly evil.

Or (often as not) both.

One final caveat, before we launch ourselves headlong into merry consternation and contention:

It is Unca's position that it doesn't really much matter (for purposes of discussion, that is) precisely why any or all of the following individuals are pulling their respective hitches with a revitalized SUICIDE SQUAD.

Some of 'em (doubtless) are doing so for one (or more) of the "traditional" reasons offered, over the years. (i.e.: the lawful commuting of an especially lengthy or arduous prison sentence, or suchlike.)

Some of 'em (again, doubtless) are being blackmailed by the Squad's hidden brain trust. (Always a popular storytelling option, in the past.)

Some of 'em (it's been known to happen) may actually believe in the stated goals of their particular "branch" of the Squad, by and large; or have been promised something uniquely precious, in the way of personal information and/or assistance; or maybe even have their own long-range (if unspoken) agendas in play, re: the commandeering or utilization of an organization such as the Squad.

A clever enough writer, in other words, can convincingly finagle practically any motivation, afforded sufficient auctorial impetus.

I'm just sayin', here, is all.

TEAM "A" ("A 'core,' public team of no more than seven or eight characters; said organization's 'acceptable' public face, in other words.")

1.) ARGUS

A woefully under-utilized Mark Waid creation, circa the honored gent's lengthy and celebrated tenure on THE FLASH.

An ex-undercover cop and potent "street-level" combatant, gifted with the twin abilities of invisibility (within deep shadow) and enhanced visual hyper-acuity (thermal vision; x-ray vision; etcetera); the urban crime-oriented Argus makes a perfect "frontsman" for our revamped and revitalized SUICIDE SQUAD, both in character and in concept.

Resolutely straight-shooting and forthright, with a squeaky clean "rep" re: a core member of the Justice League (the Flash, in this instance); and uniquely well-suited to sub rosa strike operations, both in attitude and ability.

Too: Argus' prior experience as a police officer renders him the prototypical "good soldier"; equally capable of leading or following, out in the field.

Let's start off with him, then; and build around him, for our (quasi-) public "A" Team.

WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY: the definitive "covert" operative; sees whatever's hidden, whilst remaining hidden his own bad self.

The guy practically has "Suicide Squad" tattooed on his bloody forehead, for pity's sake.

2.) AZRAEL

You all know this fellah, of course.

Having spent more than a little time working both sides of the situational spandexed street, good guy and bad guy-wise -- trained (initially) to function as an unfeeling and remorseless assassin; and (later) serving with no little distinction as an aide elect to none other than Gotham's own hyper-critical Batman -- the visually arresting Azrael is a born and efficacious "follower"; and a gent who's seen (and experienced) enough of what Bruce Springsteen once referred to as "The Darkness On the Edge Of Town" to be readily able to cope with same, sans flinching...

... but, wait! There's more!

As painstakingly explicated by master comics wordsmith Dennis O'Neil: the contemplative (and deeply conflicted) Azrael couldn't help but provide ample storytelling fuel for a series such as SUICIDE SQUAD; with the hapless hitman-turned-hero being whipsawed ruthlessly between Duty (to his perception of the Squad "ideal") and Desire (to his own adamantine ideals.)

In other words: just exactly the sort of character any writer worth his putative salt would bloody kill for, re: a series such as this one.

WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY: the emotional linchpin (and bellwether) for our planned "A" Team; proven, primo combat prowess; and (it's primarily a visual medium, let's remember) one of the three or four way niftiest costumes of the modern comics era, bar none.

What? You want he should maybe paint the garage, while he's at it...?

3.) DOLPHIN

For this whole " 'A' Team" business to stand even a halfway decent chance of actually working (" [...] said organization's 'acceptable' public face, in other words"; remember?)...

... said team has to include at least one individual who instinctively engenders trust, and more trust.

Someone (comparatively) gentle.

Someone (seemingly) open and accessible.

Someone like her, f'rinstance.

Any group such as this one, in Unca's estimation -- with a charter all but mandating the ability (and willingness, really) to trespass the line betwixt the ethical and the expedient -- requires, really, a designated innocent; someone who can convincingly "stand in" for the reader's own inflamed sense of outrage, ultimately, whenever the dictates of the SQUAD storytelling ethos end up nudging its primary characters down the length of some darker moral corridor, altogether.

Additionally: any covert, espionage-oriented team worth writing home about absolutely, positively needs an underwater-based "arm," ultimately; given that not every planned "strike" may be reasonably effected via land or air. (Think "Navy SEALS," here.)

... and, of course: one should never, ever discount the all-important "eye candy" factor, in any undertaking such as this one.

"Primarily a visual medium"; remember...?

WHAT SHE BRINGS TO THE PARTY: someone who can play The Voice of Sweet Reason, without being unduly compromised (existing characterization-wise, I mean) in so doing.

They can't all be rogues and/or loose canons, you know.

Not without severely limiting the sorts of stories we can tell, in any event.

4.) HAWKWOMAN

That much being decently admitted and attended to, however:

... we absolutely, positively could make good, storytelling use of some character more traditionally given over to fiery, fatal explication of the other POV, by way of contrast, couldn't we...?

I mean: the name of our series is THE SUICIDE SQUAD, after all; not THE CARE BEARS.

Unca will cheerfully and readily confess, right upfront, that he has no clue whatsobloodyever as to whether or not the John Ostrander-

informed Hawkwoman character of the mid-'90s is still considered decently canonical or "in continuity," or no. (Over the course of the final year or so of the last HAWKMAN series, events became so increasingly muddled and self-contradictory that he's not even altogether certain there was ever a HawkMAN, when you get right down to it.)

However: assuming, for the nonce, that said character is still counted as being amongst the four-color living...

... then: Unca sincerely doubts that anyone who's ever encountered the hot-tempered hellion in question, in the course of Mr. Ostrander's tenure upon said title, would feel overmuch like gainsaying her induction within the ranks of a revamped SUICIDE SQUAD, proper.

WHAT SHE BRINGS TO THE PARTY: this team's designated "by-any-

means-necessary" advocate; and a workable "bridge" between teams "A" and "B," both in philosophy and inclination.

5.) THE KNIGHT (from CHECKMATE!)

This was a nifty and waycool DC Comics concept from the late '80s, which -- for any number of reasons, really (not the least of which was some of the most wildly inconsistent scripting placed on public display since the long-gone days of DC COMICS PRESENTS) -- simply failed to decently catch on, ultimately.

For Those Who Came In Late, then: the late, lamented CHECKMATE! series -- initially conceptualized by Paul Kupperberg; John Byrne; and Steve Erwin -- involved the hush-hush, government-sponsored (and flagrantly extra-legal) exploits of a small, select team of armored adventurers (i.e., "knights"), all of 'em tricked out pretty much exactly the same; both in order to preserve the much-needed anonymity of said operatives, and to muddy the outside perceptual waters, re: just how many of these whackos there actually were, poncing about in the field.

The standard "Checkmate"-issued body armor was reasonably bullet proof, versus small caliber fire; and all field operatives were trained to excel in the use of both hand guns and collapsible battle staves (as well as being Hell On Wheels in hand-to-hand combat, in general).

Assuming (solely for the sake of argument, mind) that our reconstituted SUICIDE SQUAD enjoys (or suffers under) the watchful auspices of governmental involvement, then: it only stands to reason, really, that our, ummmm, "heroes" would be required to list one of these amongst the duly anointed...

... if only to keep one suspicious, gimlet eye on the rest of 'em, I mean.

WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY: given that any Checkmate "knight" can be pretty much whatever sort of individual we want him (or her) to be: the sky's the virtual limit, here, characterization-wise...

... and, as mentioned previously: some level of governmental involvement (or interference) with an organization such as the Squad is pretty much de rigueur, really.

6.) THE QUESTION

Why this fellah was never folded into the storytelling SQUAD Chex Mix before now, Unca will never, ever know.

The philosophical (and perpetually conflicted; morally and ethically) adventurer known as Vic Sage -- as matchlessly interpreted by maestro O'Neil -- is, aside from the Batman, DC Comics' most unique (and uniquely effective) "street-level" costumed adventurer; and one whose bleakly bemused world view renders him a natural and pleasing "fit" with the ethos of our projected "A" team, overall.

(... and, as to that "morally and ethically conflicted" business, aforementioned: we're talking about an individual, here, who can airily prattle on and bloody on about the precepts of non-violence, on the one hand; and get all convincingly schoolboy-ish and puppy-eyed over the vicious and volatile likes of the Huntress, on the other. Now, that's what Unca calls conflicted, by golly, by jingo -- !)

Besides: this team positively shrieks for someone with something approaching a genuine, for-real sensahumor, f'cryin' out loud...

... even if it ends up being one as unfailingly mordant and unleavened as this guy's, I mean.

WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY: the invaluable ability (not possessed in any great measure by any of the others, hereabouts) to examine -- and act upon -- any given situation or occurrence from both sides; making him the emotional "fulcrum," if you will, for the philosophical extremes exemplified by his deeply divided teammates, push come to situational shove.

Plus: c'mon... he's the Question, f'chrissakes! He's the comic book mack daddy of four-color cool -- !

7.) WILDCAT

... that is to say: the Chuck [ROBIN; NIGHTWING; BIRDS OF PREY] Dixon version of said character.

The grizzled, hard-bitten, go-hump-yourselves version.

The unrepentant spandexed hardcase, in other words.

Plain and unvarnished, then: pretty much precisely the sort of never-

back-down scrapper one wants taking their back, when the stakes are high altitude ones; and the odds, desperate and then some.

An additional benefit to having someone along the lines of ex- heavyweight champion pugilist (and longtime JSA regular) Ted Grant in one's corner -- especially insofar as this team is concerned -- is that he brings a great, heapin' freighter barge load of "real world" experience to the operation, as predicated; with all the other "A"-team operatives, by and large, falling rather more noticeably on the tyro side of the dues- paying ledger, comparatively speaking.

Too: said presence affords our (remember the set-up, here) "public face" team of operatives muy MASSIVE "creds" within the greater spandexed community, overall. (I mean: who in their right mind is ever gonna suspect any super-team with a Justice Society of America veteran within its ranks of being anything other than completely and totally on the up-and-up, for the luvva pete...?)

WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE PARTY: Whupass. Lots and lots of w-h-u-p-a-s-s...

... and: he brings his own jumbo, economy-sized can with him, to boot.

Okay.

So:

That's our modified and jumped-up SUICIDE SQUAD's public "game face," then; insofar as the whole, wide rest of the super-community is concerned, at any rate.

That's the team which the U.S. government calls upon to (say) shut down an embarrassingly public hostage situation or standoff, out of the omnipresent shadow and whrrrrrr of the television cameras; or to undercut the organizational structure of some hate-based demagogue who's become a little too shrilly loud and effective, on either side of the political spectrum; or to serve (if necessary) as the last, kamikazee-style line of defense for some vital, visiting foreign dignitary whose managed to anger too many of the wrong people.

This is (in short) the SUICIDE SQUAD whose existence they don't much mind admitting to an inquiring Superman, Batman or Wonder Woman, in other words.

That's a good fifty percent of the reason they're there in the first bloody place, after all.

To draw the heat.

Just in case somebody should start raising any potentially embarrassing questions, I mean.

... but, in the meantime: there's a shadowy second team out there, operating in the field...

.... and: their mandate is an appreciably... darker one than that of their "A"-team counterparts.

Go ahead and turn straightaway to Page Two, then...

... but, remember: not everything is completely as it seems here, either.

Which is perfectly and precisely the way things oughtta be, really, for any outfit out there doing business under the name of THE SUICIDE SQUAD.

CHEEKS'CHOICE: "IF I RAN THE SUICIDE SQUAD..." (Page Two)

CHEEKS'CHOICE: "IF I RAN THE SUICIDE SQUAD..." (Page Three)