Unca Cheeks the Toy Wonder's Silver Age Comics Web Site!

Unca Cheeks has gone on public record -- way, waaaaaaaay more than once, as a matter of readily verifiable fact -- that there is more than one storytelling and/or attitudinal culprit responsible, ultimately, for the comics industry's wholly deplorable present-day sales malaise.

Some parties, of course, are more nakedly and demonstrably guilty than others, on first blush. A cold, sneering auctorial indifference towards the needs and desires of the casual or "newbie" reader, nowadays; as made manifest by the hardcore fannish totemizing of "continuity" over coherent plot or prose. An industry-wide marketing stratagem based (apparently) on the time-honored principle of the Easter egg hunt (i.e., "... you'll have to go looking for 'em first, kid. Why don'cha try those bushes way over there, by the mulching pit? MWAH-ha-ha-haaaaa -- !"). An end product so slender and uncompetetively priced, pork belly futures end up seeming a better entertainment "buy" to the average eight- or ten-year-

old.

There are also the fraudulent fannish shibboleths of choice, of course, as to why the whole sad, sorry state of fiscal affairs must somehow be the vanished readers' fault, rather than that of the product, itself; Unca's peculiarly retarded favorite, amongst all of these, being the one to the effect of: "... it's 'cause kids don't read no more, goldarn it! The little crumb-snatchers all just wanna sit there and thumb video games, all the livelong day!"

(... and, meanwhile -- out in the real world; where real publishers actually have a, whaddyacallit, clue -- HARRY POTTER blithely continues to set, shatter and re-set sales records, weekly; and the ANIMORPHS and GOOSEBUMPS and BABYSITTERS CLUB and MAGIC TREE HOUSE series' keep right on moving in great, bulking job lots, nationwide; making the auctorial likes of R. L. Stine, Bruce Coville and Christopher Pike obscenely wealthy beyond the wildest, most frenzied dreams of naked, slavering avarice. Writing for kids who -- if you believe the no- neck natterings of the online set -- don't actually exist no mo', no mo'. But, again: that's all taking place in the real world, you see.)

Somewhat further down on the list of Reasons Why They Can't Even Bloody Give SPIDER-MAN Away, Nowadays -- but still a significant factor within the overall sales equation, nonetheless -- is the tragic withering away of the comics publishers' once-proven abilities to effectively hawk their four-color wares to their own pre-existing audience, by means of clever or convincing "house ads."

Witness and observe, please, how this sort of thing was better done, back in the Silver Age day.

We'll focus, this time out, upon the DC Comics "house ads" of the Silver Age; as these had a signature (and proven effective) style and slant that was uniquely and (even now) recognizably all their own.

The first thing one notices, of course, whilst flipping through any DC comic of the period, is just how great and significant a percentage of the interior pages are given over to the breathless, non-stop promotion of pretty much every other DC comic of the period.

There are -- at barest minimum, mind -- a good eight, ten or even (occasionally) twelve intriguing and enticing cover reproductions for upcoming titles and issues, strategically placed throughout virtually every DC comic published between the years of (say) 1964 and 1974; relentlessly driving home the message, to the younger reader, that: "... oh, yeah, Buster Brown! You liked this one just fine, didja? Well: we've got great, whopping buttloads more, just like it! Is that a dime and two pennies in your pocket... or are you just happy to see us? Helloooooooo SAILOR -- !"

Even the Mort Weisinger-edited SUPERMAN titles of the era (which were practically treated as a separate, walled-and-moated city state, most of the time) were unblinking in their vigilance, re: the now-vanished notion that -- if you write 'em as if each and every comic might be someone's first issue, ever -- then you can prob'ly market and SELL 'em as someone's first issue, ever. Which ends up making for one holy heck of a LOT of First Issues Sold, obviously.

All of said DC comics, however -- month in, month out; every single, last man-jack of 'em -- came equipped with their very own handy-dandy, did-you-remember-to-check-the-sofa-cushions-for-loose-change-this-

morning editions of the company's ubiquitous, full-page "Direct Currents" multi-title come-hithers; surely one of the longest-lasting (and most remarkably effective) marketing ploys in all of recorded comics history.

Unca hasn't Idea One as to the true identity (or -- more likely -- identities) of whomever it was who tirelessly hammered-and-nailed together those marvelously hyperbolic and over-heated Direct Currents pages, over the years; but he stands in unalloyed, unabashed awe of their proven ability to impart maximum impact, via emotionally-charged "action" words, in the most minimal amount of printed space.

(e.g.: "Roving bands of barbaric space pirates threaten the planets in the ILIAN QUADRANT, and when a mighty fleet takes to the cosmic skies, it's only a prelude to the cataclysmic clash in which the honor and the very life of HAWKMAN, the far-famed WINGED WARRIOR, seems sure to be lost! Soar into space with the Thanagarian Ace in the July issue of his magnificent mag, No. 26, on sale April 18!" Which inevitably brings to mind, in turn, famed science fiction author Robert Sheckley's oft-repeated dictum, re: how to best snag a potential reader's attention: "Hit 'em hard, and FAST! And then grab 'em by their collars and chew on their @#$%ing EYEBALLS!")

Additionally: said slap-happy hucksterism extended (in the cases of certain "E-Z Concept" titles) to specifically commisioned-and-designed "come on" pages placed in the backs of mags such as (say) THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD, and -- during its own "team-up" era -- WORLD'S FINEST.

As memorable as any, however, were DC's instantly attention-snaring who-is-that-guy-anyway? "silhouette" ads for brand spanking news titles and/or characters; a literary leitmotif utilized so often, over the years, that it was all but copyrighted, ultimately.

These ads were the artistic brain children of former Charlton Comics editor (and -- later -- Lord High Poobah of DC Comics, entire) Dick Giordano; a man of uncommon editorial horse sense and (perhaps even more importantly) an illustrious and justly storied artistic background, to boot.

Speaking from his own long-ago experience, as a wee and (virtually) penniless Silver Age shaver: Unca can readily attest as to the sales-

impacting power of those old "mystery person" advertisements. (Give a kid an intriguing, curiousity-pricking "code name" to conjure with; along with the bare bones scantiest of visual "clues," in accompaniment... and: they're off to the bloody races, anticipation-wise. I'm just sayin', really.)

This marketing stratagem proved an especially efficacious one, certainly, in the case of character-generating titles such as SHOWCASE; garnering sales sufficient unto the creation of regular, ongoing series' for the likes of (among others) THE CREEPER; THE HAWK AND THE DOVE; ANTHRO; ANGEL AND THE APE; and BAT LASH.

[UNCA CHEEKS' ASIDE: ... and it was that "teaser" ad for Steve Ditko's late, lamented CREEPER comic, in fact, which led to the greatest number of lazy, afternoon hours spent peering owlishly at the page in question; wondering just who -- or (for that matter, come to think) WHAT -- could possibly make a silhouette shaped like that, f'cryin' out loud. A guy with the head of a fully-grown lion situated squarely atop his shoulders, mayhap? A disturbingly well-muscled woman, with Very Long Hair, mebbe? Noted '60s faux crooner TINY TIM, even...? What? WHAAAAAAT -- ?!?]

The PTUTB ("Powers-That-Used-To-Be") at DC, way back when, were also engagingly capable at laughing at their own characters; and, therefore (by logical extension) themselves.

One of the cleverest (and most appealing) instances of this approach was the clever series of house advertisements scattered about on behalf of (then-) new title THE INFERIOR 5; in which the title characters themselves apologized profusely to the readers for the unrelieved silliness of their slapstick-y comic, in sequenced turn. (The example provided below -- with the gangly and ineffectual Merryman tendering huffed, exhausted regrets -- is Unca's fav'rite, out of the five.)

DC also expended considerable effort (and column inches) saying "I'm Sorry" -- for considerably greater cause, it must be confessed -- on behalf of their luckless and ill-considered '60s revival of signature Jack Cole creation PLASTIC MAN; a series which, for various and sundry reasons, never quite managed to measure up to the wit and charm so readily apparent in its own ad campaign.

One thing DC consistently got rightrightright, on the other proverbial hand, was its wholly praiseworthy dilligence in placing handy, multi-title subscription forms in virtually ev'ry issue of ev'ry TITLE published, during said era.

[UNCA CHEEKS' ASIDE: ... and, say: wanna feel really, really old and depressed, the way Unca always does? Then just take a good, long, heartbreaking gander at the subscription rates listed below, for your average, dopey, everyday DC Comics superhero title, whydon'cha...?]

That's right, campers'n'camperettes: twenty-four issues of (say) FLASH, or GREEN LANTERN -- Two. Freakin'. YEARS worth of waycool comics characters and stories -- for pretty much what one, single (and infinitely thinner) issue of GREEN LANTERN costs today.

Chump change, in other words.

Birthday money. Returnable bottles money. Allowance money.

Two years worth of GREEN LANTERN today would set a kid back FIFTY-FOUR SMACKERS, American.

$2.40.

$54.00.

For those of you, out there, who might well be even less gifted with numbers than is Unca (as terrifying a prospect as that may be to consider): that's an increase of slightly over twenty-one HUNDRED percent.

No matter how adroitly the online apologists attempt to jigger or juggle numbers such as these, people: the only way the average child's discretionary income could possibly have kept pace, in constant dollars, would have been either by being born to the purple; or else by taking on CEO-level duties for Microsoft, or Time-Warner.

I'm just sayin', really. That's all.

Skip right along to Page Two of this here article, pals'n'gals; and we'll all take a long, happy look at some more of Unca's all-time favoritest DC Comics house ads of the Silver Age.

In one or two well-chosen instances, there: said advertisements are even more fun than the comics for which they're so breathlessly shilling.

THIS SPACE FOR RENT: "Comic Book 'House Ads' of the Silver Age" (2)

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