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| Funny Articles |
| In this modern age it is possible to tell from the markings on a bullet which gun it was fired from. Similarly, it must be possible to tell from the ridges of a dog turd which dogs arse delivered it, thus allowing the owner's face to be rubbed in it. |
| Which silly c**t said you should peel onions under water to stop them making your eyes run? I nearley drowned because I can't hold my breath for more than two minutes! |
| Adapted from Viz magazine |
| What a small world. For example, there appears to be 2 Terry Wogans. The one in the TV Times, criticising the BBC for paying big mane presenters inflated salaries at the expense of quality programming, and that other one who gets �550 000 a year to front sh**e like Aunti's Sporting Bloomers. |
| So scally rockers "space" think female of the species is more deadly than the male. Try telling that to my wife. She's burried under the patio. |
| They say a woman's work is never done. Well perhaps if they got on with it instead of painting their toenails all day we might see some results. |
| Why do women tennis players make such a loud grunt every time they hit the ball? If the act of hitting a ball is so difficult for them, perhaps they should stick to more ladylike pasttimes such as knitting or dressmaking. |
| Stupid things people have said |
| "Sometimes in football you have to score goals." - Thierry Henry |
| "Quinn, for the umpteenth time, got his first goal of the current campaign." - Brian Moore |
| "Michael Vaughan has a long history in the game ahead of him." - Mark Nicholas |
| "The Germans only have one player under twenty-two and he's twenty-three." - Kevin Keegan |
| Adapted from Privat Eye |
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| Joke of the DECADE! Updated once every 10 years - It's Utter F***ing Madness! |
| A small boy accompanied his parents to a nudist colony. They all stripped off and went out into the garden. The boy looked around and then asked his father why "some men had big ones and some had small ones". Dad couldn't be bothered with long explanations so he just said, "those with big ones are smart and those with small ones are stupid." The boy wandered off on his own for a while and then met his father again. "Have you seen your mother?" asked Dad. "She's behind that bush over there," said the boy, "talking to a stupid man who's getting smarter by the minute." |