Well yesterday I went to church with Maggie. Its crazy how we are starting to get along really well. Before she thought I was just some crazy girl...Well I still am *lol*, but its nice to know that she respects my craziness. And its nice to know I can have a great friend like her. My Dad just left with my little brother to help my Grandparents move from their really cool house.. sad. Hes also going to tll them that my parents are getting divorced. I dont know if I'm really that sad, somehow I knew this would happen, ever since I was little. Now it dosent bother me because my Dad is an ass anyways. Ahhh! I'm going out to breakfast with my Mom. yey! byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
| @imee says: it's been nice but I have to scream now @ 8:29 a.m |
Wow I had a crazy dream last night. I was somewhere in the back stage of some stage (a lot like the Rogers stage but nicer) with my clarinet and one of our bassoon players, Richy. Richy had his own bran new bass clarinet and he wanted to play and bass clarinet Bb clarinet duet with me. We began setting up our instruments while people where busy carrying things and setting up for something in the background. Richy started bragging how his new instrument always plays in tune.. But he started warming it up and it wasn�t the best bass clarinet sound I've heard. Then before we started to read through some music he said just to warn you I'm not very good, and I was just like umm.. neither am I. Then we started playing and it did sound pretty bad because we had trouble playing together, then it started to play together and it wasn�t that bad. But then he had to leave to go somewhere for a minute so he set down his instrument and left while I look ahead at some runs in the music. Then I decided to mess with his instrument because I've never had the chance to play a new bass clarinet. When I picked it up and held it on its stand thingy I realized that I was holding it upside down so I turned it over and looked at the mouthpiece and there was no damage. Then things start to get weird. I look at the mouthpiece and the plastic is curved to the left but when I take off the reed it is straight, when I but it on the mouthpiece it curves with the mouthpiece. Then Maggie comes and she is really psyched about a new instrument. I tell her to be careful because its Richy's but she still takes it from me and starts playing it. Then she disappears along with Richy and I cant find either of them and everyone had deserted the back stage, so I start to back up my instrument and there's a nasty tan spider that looks like a crab that crawled into my case and it freaked me out. The next thing I know I�m in the weird hotel that�s been in so many of my dreams. I has dark hallways that twist around and around until you get lost or ones that go to dead ends, where you don�t want to be. And it has light places near large windows and weird stuff all over the place. But anyway, then band was in the weird hotel and I hear people talking and they were like, "Yeah Maggie and Richy are off making sweet music together if you know what I mean". And I was like whoa buddy. Then all of a sudden I was back on the stage and Richy comes up to me and he tells me he�s not in love with Maggie and that he�s in love with me and he wants to take me to a club. So I get in his car with some other person and we start driving up a mountain pass. The person in the back seat told me we were going to club ____ but I didn�t hear the name of the club so I asked what it was. And they were both looked surprised and they shook their heads at me and laughed ignoring my question. Then Richy started talking about picking up Patty and then we saw her walking along the road (the road in the mountains, don�t ask me why). But then I woke up as she was getting in the car because my arm fell asleep and I needed to get blood back into it because it was turning almost blue. That was a very VERY strange dream, but it was very symbolistic for me (don�t ask how! lol). Okay now I'm going to go practice.. er.. do my homework.
| @imee says: it's been nice but I have to scream now @ 8:40 a.m |
I just got back from my trip to WMEA. Our over all performence I thought went pretty well. My performance on the other hand..... well I actually did quite well considering I was running on 3 hours of sleep because I spent all night hanging out with friends. But besides the music.. which should have been my main focus, but something more important began to clog my mind. Ive realised that not all people are good, some people I thought were great turned out to be people I dont want anything to do with anymore. Even if your nice to everyone and care about them.. the favor never seems to be returned. I spend to much of my time worrying about other people, then it hit me today while we were watching a movie ont he bus ride home (Dumb and Dumber, the movie that changed my life), I've realised that I have barely anyone who cares about me. I have alot of aquantances.. but when I need a shoulder to cry on.. theres no one there for me. I feel like I have no one Im comfortable with.. and the people I really want to care about me.. don't really care about me at all. I've realised that people are selfish and they only find it necessariy to care about someone when it is convinient for them, or they feel they have to. Maby my thoughts are too deep for a teenage girl I dont know.. I feel so much older than everyone around me.. while my friends joke about things I laugh to humor them.. or just because it seems appropriate to laugh when other people laugh. Just as long as I smile and laugh along with people everyone will think im fine.. because no one really cares to talk to me.. unless they have nothing better to do. When I came back tonight I went to the performing arts center and sat on the stage and looked out into the empty rows of chairs. trying to decide if I should just come home and kill myself, so I can stop worrying about everything, and make this aching in my body and mind go away. I think I've made the right choice. Even if music and peforming isnt what im good at. I love performing. I love trying to get up to that level, that level of consentration and thought. I love hearing the applause and being able to give people something they can listen to and enjoy. I love it all, and Im going to choose to live for music over death.
| @imee says: it's been nice but I have to scream now @ 10:45 p.m |
Well.. tomorrow I'm going to go perform at a WMEA conference. Yey go us! I just spent three hours talking with Greg and watching Beat the Geeks and the Olympics. Wow the Swiss are making us look bad in snowboarding. Psh on them We also tried to figure if it snows in Japan or not. I mean think about it.. its in a tropical climate, but its also surrounded by mountains in some places. In some places I bet toxic waste falls fromt he sky from pollution but that dosent count does it? Oh no I better go to bed or else I'll be in a state of metal retardation tomorrow. Oh boy! Patty here I come!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
| @imee says: it's been nice but I have to scream now @ 9:43 p.m |
