AJ poems

"Curtains"
I have a new computer
it's the best I've ever seen,
but now I'm using Windows, should
I get a curtain for my screen?
"Age"
Here's a statement about age,
and the message that I send
"It's not the pace of life I mind,
I'ts the sudden stopping at the end,"

" No check"
My cash was low-it had to go
I know I'm going to mourn it.
I can no longer play my chess
my Set I had to pawn it
"Un happy hour"
An Alcoholic is the name
that's given by his shrink,
to a man who goes to topless bars
just to get himself a drink.

"Whine"
Wine improves with age
I know this to be true
The older that I get,I find
the more I like it too.
"Sleep"
The amount of sleep required
by the average guy I'm sure,
If you were to ask him
is about five minutes more

"Homeward bound"
This guy returns home to his wife
when he is drunk you see.
By all his mates he's known now as
"High Fidelity".
"Wacko"
Will Rodgers had a saying
that was apt but kinda Wacko
"Never punch a man who
may be chewing on tobacco".

"Flat out"
Pat & Mike ,arrested after having
too much drink,
are being charged with GBH
down at the local clink.
The sergent says "Address?"
"No fixed abode "sez Pat,"tis true"
and Mike adds "Yeah ,and I live
in da flat above him too".
"Daily dose"
My doctor said
" Your liver is starting to decay"
And so he set a limit
of one glass of wine per day.
and now I'm trying very hard
to keep my self alive
So far I'm up to April
In the year two thousand five.

"Hans down"
German cafe has a sign
in English there's this greeting
"Mothers are advised to wash their Hans
before their eating"
"Kaboom"
Do not smoke near petrol pumps
now that's a federal law.
Your life may not be worth much
but the petrol is for sure.

"Sickly"
Sign on health shop window
was clearly seen to say
"Due to sudden illness
we will be closed today"
"Bully"
Farmer say's pedestrians may cross
this field for free"
but heres a word of warning
" The bull charges constantly".

"Caution"
Toilet door in office block
now has a sign to show
TOILET OUT OF ORDER
(please use floor below)
"Duece"
Watching lawn bowls on tv
my doctor calls a menace
"You need more exercise ",he said
so now I watch the tennis.

" Go Man"
Procrastination is an art
when it is properly done
but if it weren't for the last minute
then nothing would get done.
"Murphy's law"
Attempts at printing murphy's law
just leave me with a frown.
Each time that I have tried it
my printer's broken down.

"Golden rule"
The Golden rule is famous
It's always being taught.
It's good to "Love your neighbour"
Just make sure you dont get caught.
"Right on"
We're all aware that Murphy's law
is nothing but a blight
so ,how come, no one notices
when everything goes right.

"Paradise Lost"
Paradise was lost I've heard
in a story going round
T'was not the apple on the tree
But the pair upon the ground
" Law #5 "
Here's a well known Murphy's law.
It's definitely his
"If you think it's too good to be true,
It usually is."

"Drinking Problem"
Alcoholic constipation
is my friend's downfall.
No matter how he tries
he cannot pass a pub at all.
"One drink"
My friend is always falling down
after just one drink
we're not really sure ,but
it's the thirteenth one we think.

"Look you"
A book on voyeurism
is best left well alone
as far as I'm concerned
It's just another "peeping Tome"
" Ring a Ding"
Physiologists do tests
that often turn out well
in the scheme of things
does the name "Pavlov
ring a bell.?

"Assault"
I saw a news headline
and all it had to say was
"Energiser Bunny" charged
with battery today.
"Gory"
I went to the blood bank
and there a sign I saw
" The blood group of all pessimists,
B-negative for sure."

"Slipper"
Sometimes speakers make mistakes
and this is just another.
A freudian slip is when you say one thing
and mean your mother.
"Groovy"
Those newspaper fashion ads.
consist of many kinds,
and now it's corduroy pillows
that are making the headlines.

"Bust"
The womens Movement had its day
But then it had to stop,
when women who had burnt their Bras
complained it was a flop
"All behind"
My ex has just found out some news
that didn't please I fear
She's no longer "Just a pretty face"
Shes now "Rear of the year".

Poems Printed with permission of author

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"Curtains" I have a new computer it's the best I've ever seen, but now I'm using Windows, should I get a curtain for my screen?	"Age" Here's a statement about age, and the message that I send "It's not the pace of life I mind, I'ts the sudden stopping at the end,"
" No check" My cash was low-it had to go I know I'm going to mourn it. I can no longer play my chess my Set I had to pawn it	"Un happy hour" An Alcoholic is the name that's given by his shrink, to a man who goes to topless bars just to get himself a drink.
"Whine" Wine improves with age I know this to be true The older that I get,I find the more I like it too.	"Sleep" The amount of sleep required by the average guy I'm sure, If you were to ask him is about five minutes more
"Homeward bound" This guy returns home to his wife when he is drunk you see. By all his mates he's known now as "High Fidelity".	"Wacko" Will Rodgers had a saying that was apt but kinda Wacko "Never punch a man who may be chewing on tobacco".
"Flat out" Pat & Mike ,arrested after having too much drink, are being charged with GBH down at the local clink. The sergent says "Address?" "No fixed abode "sez Pat,"tis true" and Mike adds "Yeah ,and I live in da flat above him too".	"Daily dose" My doctor said " Your liver is starting to decay" And so he set a limit of one glass of wine per day. and now I'm trying very hard to keep my self alive So far I'm up to April In the year two thousand five.
"Hans down" German cafe has a sign in English there's this greeting "Mothers are advised to wash their Hans before their eating"	"Kaboom" Do not smoke near petrol pumps now that's a federal law. Your life may not be worth much but the petrol is for sure.
"Sickly" Sign on health shop window was clearly seen to say "Due to sudden illness we will be closed today"	"Bully" Farmer say's pedestrians may cross this field for free" but heres a word of warning " The bull charges constantly".
"Caution" Toilet door in office block now has a sign to show TOILET OUT OF ORDER (please use floor below)	"Duece" Watching lawn bowls on tv my doctor calls a menace "You need more exercise ",he said so now I watch the tennis.
" Go Man" Procrastination is an art when it is properly done but if it weren't for the last minute then nothing would get done.	"Murphy's law" Attempts at printing murphy's law just leave me with a frown. Each time that I have tried it my printer's broken down.
"Golden rule" The Golden rule is famous It's always being taught. It's good to "Love your neighbour" Just make sure you dont get caught.	"Right on" We're all aware that Murphy's law is nothing but a blight so ,how come, no one notices when everything goes right.
"Paradise Lost" Paradise was lost I've heard in a story going round T'was not the apple on the tree But the pair upon the ground	" Law #5 " Here's a well known Murphy's law. It's definitely his "If you think it's too good to be true, It usually is."
"Drinking Problem" Alcoholic constipation is my friend's downfall. No matter how he tries he cannot pass a pub at all.	"One drink" My friend is always falling down after just one drink we're not really sure ,but it's the thirteenth one we think.
"Look you" A book on voyeurism is best left well alone as far as I'm concerned It's just another "peeping Tome"	" Ring a Ding" Physiologists do tests that often turn out well in the scheme of things does the name "Pavlov ring a bell.?
"Assault" I saw a news headline and all it had to say was "Energiser Bunny" charged with battery today.	"Gory" I went to the blood bank and there a sign I saw " The blood group of all pessimists, B-negative for sure."
"Slipper" Sometimes speakers make mistakes and this is just another. A freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.	"Groovy" Those newspaper fashion ads. consist of many kinds, and now it's corduroy pillows that are making the headlines.
"Bust" The womens Movement had its day But then it had to stop, when women who had burnt their Bras complained it was a flop	"All behind" My ex has just found out some news that didn't please I fear She's no longer "Just a pretty face" Shes now "Rear of the year".
Poems Printed with permission of author AJ's INDEX	NEWSLETTER INDEX