"Escape"
Nut rings up the mental home & says "would you please see
who you have residing now in unit 23?"
the nurse says "That room's empty, and could I have your
name?"
"Don't bother" says the nutter, "Looks like I've escaped again"
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"Problem solved"
Women solve their problems that can turn up now & then
and say "life would be delightful if it wasn't for the men".
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"Jerk"
I left my ex-wife when she said that I was "Just a jerk "
then used all those 4 letter words like "Stop & don't & work".
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"Battery"
Never hit a man with glasses, they will not respond to that
It's been proven more effective if you use a baseball bat.
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"Equality"
The bloke who said "All men are equal" (It is obvious to me)
has never seen those men who live inside a nudist colony.
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"Pent up"
Proctoligist discovers his thermometer and then
says "crikey, I think that somebody's
walked off with my pen."
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"Waiter"
I went up to my boss & asked him could I have a raise
It took him by surprise because he said,
"Well spare me days, you'll get one when you've earned it"
I said "Sorry mate, that's wrong,
I reckon I'll be outa here "cos i can't wait that long".
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"Meditate on this"
The yogi said "I wont need gas
I'm known throught the nation
as one who's able to Transcend
Dental medication.
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"Dusty"
Dusting is a waste of time,
It's just futility
'cos when you come back later
there is always more to see.
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"Freeze fees please "
I have 3 kids at uni., with ever rising fees
and every day I find I'm getting poorer by degrees.
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"Why"
A scientific graduate asks, "Just why is it so?"
An engineering graduate says, "Just what makes it go?"
An economic student ponders "Why is business flat?"
A batchelor of Arts just says,
"Do you want fries with that?"
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"Court"
The robbery victim says, "That's him,
I'll swear it come what may.
The felon says "She's lying
I wore a mask that day".
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"Ending"
Sleeping lecture students would probably contend
that they would be more comfortable if laid out end to end.
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"Sure thing"
If you're needing a good lawyer, it would seem to me
the surest place that you should look is
at the cemetery.
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"Ducky"
Two irish men out hunting ducks decide that they'll retire
one says "We might do better if we threw the dog up higher."
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