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" Size matters "
If you would impress your wife buy garments marked "Petite"
but if your paying just make sure that you keep the receipt.
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" T.V.malady "
S*x on Television cannot hurt you that's for sure
unless you break a leg when you fall off & hit the floor
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" Smoked ham "
My Granny had a saying- it's a relic from the past.
"If you smoke after dinner then your eating it too fast"
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"Dis ease"
Scientists now have good news for every boy & girlie
"Chastity" is curable if its detected early.
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" As a rule "
There are 2 rules in life and I will give them now to you.
Just look out for number one --dont step in number two.
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"Dough to go"
Inflation now is rampant, it's getting hard to bear,
yet-it's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
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"Strewth--no Ruth"
I took my girl out for a ride, her name was Ruth you see,
I hit a bump along the way and rode on Ruthlessly.
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"what a day"
Mother said there would be days like this ,but she was being canny.
What she didn't tell me was that there would be so many
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"Go for bloke"
My ex wife still is missing me, but I would like to say.
"Her aim is now improving with every passing day"
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"Af,ford,able"
Ask women why they drive a Ford, they'll say they think they're "Dishy"
I think the reason is because they can't spell "Mitsubishi".
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"Lost in space"
I asked at casualty "What is this buzzing in my head?"
"It could be space invaders" is what the doctor said.
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"Whinge & win"
" Misogynistic" is a word that helps describe a fella
who runs a basement pub for women,
which he calls "Whine cellar."
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Poems Printed with permission of author