| Brian | Total points: 0 |
| 1: | John Wooden | 95 |
| 2: | Byron Nelson | 94 |
| 3: | Karl Malden [Mladen Sekulovich] | 93 |
| 4: | Ernest Borgnine | 89 |
| 5: | Red Buttons [Aaron Chwatt] | 87 |
| 6: | Billy Graham | 87 |
| 7: | Ricardo Montalban | 85 |
| 8: | Jake La Motta | 83 |
| 9: | Charles Durning | 83 |
| 10: | Jack Whitaker | 82 |
| 11: | Tony Curtis [Bernard Schwartz] | 81 |
| 12: | Charlton Heston [Charles Carter] | 81 |
| 13: | B.B. King | 80 |
| 14: | Ariel Sharon | 77 |
| 15: | Pat Summerall | 76 |
| 16: | [Henry] Warren Beatty | 69 |
| 17: | Ryan O'Neal | 65 |
| 18: | Richard B. Cheney | 65 |
| 19: | Wayne Newton | 64 |
| 20: | Stephen Hawking | 64 |
| 21: | Ozzy Osbourne | 57 |
| 22: | Usama bin Laden | 49 |
| 23: | William "The Refrigerator" Perry | 43 |
| 24: | Ziggy Marley | 37 |
| 25: | Paris Hilton | 25 |
|
| Chasmo | Total points: 5 |
| 1: | W. Mark Felt | 92 |
| 2: | Gerald Rudolph Ford | 92 |
| 3: | P.W. Botha | 90 |
| 4: | Les Paul | 90 |
| 5: | Augusto Pinochet | 90 |
| 6: | Billy Graham | 87 |
| 7: | James J. Kilpatrick | 85 |
| 8: | Marty Allen | 84 |
| 9: | Jack Klugman | 84 |
| 10: | Kurt Vonnegut Jr. | 83 |
| 11: | Art Donovan | 81 |
| 12: | Art Buchwald | 80 |
| 13: | Pat Carroll | 79 |
| 14: | Jack Kevorkian | 78 |
| 15: | Ariel Sharon | 77 |
| 16: | Helmut Kohl | 76 |
| 17: | Robert Novak | 75 |
| 18: | Don Ho | 75 |
| 19: | Jerry Falwell | 72 |
| 20: | Luciano Pavarotti | 70 |
| 21: | Jerry Lee Lewis | 70 |
| 22: | Saddam Hussein | 69 |
| 23: | Don Imus | 65 |
| 24: | Muhammad Ali [Cassius Clay] | 64 |
| 25: | Gary Glitter [Paul Gadd] | 62 |
 | Al Lewis [Albert Meister] | 95 |
| Drop: | Jack LaLanne | 91 |
|
| Dave | Total points: 5 |
| 1: | Clarence "Ace" Parker | 94 |
| 2: | Sammy Baugh | 92 |
| 3: | Gerald Rudolph Ford | 92 |
| 4: | David Rockefeller | 91 |
| 5: | Zsa Zsa [Sari] Gabor | 90 |
| 6: | Walter Cronkite | 89 |
| 7: | Kirk Douglas [Issur Danielovitch] | 89 |
| 8: | Sir Edmund Hillary | 86 |
| 9: | Abe Vigoda | 85 |
| 10: | Pete Pihos | 82 |
| 11: | Charlton Heston [Charles Carter] | 81 |
| 12: | Margaret Thatcher | 80 |
| 13: | Jerry Lewis [Joseph Levitch] | 80 |
| 14: | Fidel Castro Ruz | 79 |
| 15: | Chuck Berry | 79 |
| 16: | Ariel Sharon | 77 |
| 17: | Dick Clark | 76 |
| 18: | Boris Nikolayevich Yeltsin | 75 |
| 19: | Saddam Hussein | 69 |
| 20: | Freddy Fender [Baldemar Huerta] | 69 |
| 21: | James Brown | 68 |
| 22: | Muhammad Ali [Cassius Clay] | 64 |
| 23: | Barbra Streisand | 64 |
| 24: | Usama bin Laden | 49 |
| 25: | Courtney Love [Harrison] | 40 |
 | Al Lewis [Albert Meister] | 95 |
|
| Jack | Total points: 84 |
| 1: | VACANT | |
| 2: | Ernest Gallo | 97 |
| 3: | Joseph Barbera | 95 |
| 4: | Byron Nelson | 94 |
| 5: | Gerald Rudolph Ford | 92 |
| 6: | P.W. Botha | 90 |
| 7: | Eli Wallach | 90 |
| 8: | Kirk Douglas [Issur Danielovitch] | 89 |
| 9: | Ingmar Bergman | 87 |
| 10: | Billy Graham | 87 |
| 11: | Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn | 87 |
| 12: | Dino de Laurentiis | 86 |
| 13: | Suharto | 85 |
| 14: | Mickey Rooney [Joe Yule Jr.] | 85 |
| 15: | Patrick Moore | 83 |
| 16: | Jake La Motta | 83 |
| 17: | Margaret Thatcher | 80 |
| 18: | George Melly | 79 |
| 19: | Vin Scully | 78 |
| 20: | Ariel Sharon | 77 |
| 21: | Pat Summerall | 76 |
| 22: | Don Ho | 75 |
| 23: | Larry Hagman [Hageman] | 74 |
| 24: | Annette Funicello | 63 |
| 25: | Obie Trice | 26 |
 | Caspar Weinberger | 88 |
 | Curt Gowdy | 86 |
 | Aaron Spelling | 83 |
 | Billy Preston | 59 |
|
| Peggy | Total points: 41 |
| 1: | Kitty Carlisle | 90 |
| 2: | Andy Rooney | 87 |
| 3: | Mickey Rooney [Joe Yule Jr.] | 85 |
| 4: | William Donald Schaefer | 84 |
| 5: | Tom Poston | 84 |
| 6: | Lauren Bacall [Betty Joan Perske] | 81 |
| 7: | Margaret Thatcher | 80 |
| 8: | Angela Lansbury | 80 |
| 9: | Burt Bacharach | 77 |
| 10: | Pat Robertson [Marion Gordon] | 76 |
| 11: | George Steinbrenner | 75 |
| 12: | Don Ho | 75 |
| 13: | Elizabeth Taylor | 74 |
| 14: | Robert Blake [Michael James Vijencio Gubitosi] | 72 |
| 15: | Marion Barry | 70 |
| 16: | Jerry Lee Lewis | 70 |
| 17: | David Nelson | 69 |
| 18: | Michael Learned | 68 |
| 19: | Richard B. Cheney | 65 |
| 20: | Ren� Angelil | 64 |
| 21: | Shelley Fabares | 62 |
| 22: | Arnold Schwarzenegger | 58 |
| 23: | Scott Turow | 57 |
| 24: | Whitney Houston | 42 |
| 25: | Courtney Love [Harrison] | 40 |
 | Don Knotts | 81 |
 | Coretta Scott King | 78 |
|
| Roy | Total points: 60 |
| 1: | Karl Malden [Mladen Sekulovich] | 93 |
| 2: | Claudia Alta "Lady Bird" Johnson | 93 |
| 3: | Gerald Rudolph Ford | 92 |
| 4: | Zsa Zsa [Sari] Gabor | 90 |
| 5: | Kitty Carlisle | 90 |
| 6: | Ernest Borgnine | 89 |
| 7: | Robert C. Byrd | 88 |
| 8: | Phil Rizzuto | 88 |
| 9: | Joey Bishop [Gottlieb] | 88 |
| 10: | J.D. [Jerome David] Salinger | 87 |
| 11: | Billy Graham | 87 |
| 12: | [Peggy] Yvonne DeCarlo [Middleton] | 83 |
| 13: | Charles Durning | 83 |
| 14: | Tony Curtis [Bernard Schwartz] | 81 |
| 15: | Charlton Heston [Charles Carter] | 81 |
| 16: | B.B. King | 80 |
| 17: | Fidel Castro Ruz | 79 |
| 18: | Ariel Sharon | 77 |
| 19: | Don Ho | 75 |
| 20: | Saddam Hussein | 69 |
| 21: | Stephen Hawking | 64 |
| 22: | Sarah Brady | 64 |
| 23: | Roger Ebert | 64 |
| 24: | Muhammad Ali [Cassius Clay] | 64 |
| 25: | Keith Richards | 62 |
 | Al Lewis [Albert Meister] | 95 |
| Drop: | "Professor" Irwin Corey | 94 |
| Drop: | W. Mark Felt | 92 |
| Drop: | Mary Travers | 69 |
| Drop: | Tammy Faye Bakker Messner | 64 |
| Drop: | David Graham | 60 |
 | Kirby Puckett | 45 |
|