| Brian | Total points: 9 |
| 1: | John Wooden | 94 |
| 2: | Mitch Miller | 93 |
| 3: | Art Linkletter | 92 |
| 4: | Kirk Douglas [Issur Danielovitch] | 87 |
| 5: | Ernest Borgnine | 87 |
| 6: | James Whitmore | 83 |
| 7: | Jack Klugman | 82 |
| 8: | Christopher Lee | 82 |
| 9: | Chuck Yeager | 81 |
| 10: | Charlton Heston [Charles Carter] | 80 |
| 11: | Johnny Carson | 79 |
| 12: | Jerry Lewis [Joseph Levitch] | 78 |
| 13: | Chuck Berry | 78 |
| 14: | Max Von Sydow | 75 |
| 15: | George Jones | 73 |
| 16: | Peter O'Toole | 72 |
| 17: | Jerry Lee Lewis | 69 |
| 18: | Marion Barry | 68 |
| 19: | Dennis Hopper | 68 |
| 20: | Charlie Daniels | 68 |
| 21: | Albert Finney | 68 |
| 22: | Elliott Gould | 66 |
| 23: | Bill Walton | 52 |
| 24: | Les Claypool | 41 |
| 25: | Robert Downey Jr. | 39 |
 | Julia Child | 91 |
|
| Chasmo | Total points: 70 |
| 1: | VACANT | 99 |
| 2: | Lou Jacobi | 90 |
| 3: | Ernest Borgnine | 87 |
| 4: | Arnold "Red" Auerbach | 87 |
| 5: | Mike [Myron] Wallace | 86 |
| 6: | Billy Graham | 86 |
| 7: | Andy Rooney | 85 |
| 8: | Al Molinaro | 85 |
| 9: | John Paul II [Karol Joseph Wojtyla] | 84 |
| 10: | James Doohan | 84 |
| 11: | Steve Van Buren | 83 |
| 12: | Kurt Vonnegut Jr. | 82 |
| 13: | Pete Pihos | 81 |
| 14: | Hank Stram | 81 |
| 15: | Charles Durning | 81 |
| 16: | Bob Barker | 80 |
| 17: | Monty Hall | 79 |
| 18: | B.B. King | 79 |
| 19: | Jerry Lewis [Joseph Levitch] | 78 |
| 20: | Pat Summerall | 74 |
| 21: | Earl Weaver | 74 |
| 22: | Charlie Watts | 63 |
| 23: | Tammy Faye Bakker Messner | 62 |
| 24: | Roy Uwe Ludwig Horn | 60 |
| 25: | Diego Maradona | 44 |
| Ronald Wilson Reagan | 93 |
| Rodney Dangerfield [Jack Cohen] | 82 |
| Marlon Brando | 80 |
| Yasser Arafat | 75 |
|
| Jack | Total points: 45 |
| 1: | Mitch Miller | 93 |
| 2: | Richard Widmark | 89 |
| 3: | Harry Morgan [Bratsburg] | 89 |
| 4: | Kirk Douglas [Issur Danielovitch] | 87 |
| 5: | Billy Graham | 86 |
| 6: | James Doohan | 84 |
| 7: | Shelley Winters [Schrift] | 82 |
| 8: | Estelle Getty [Estella Scher] | 80 |
| 9: | Pat Summerall | 74 |
| 10: | William Shatner | 73 |
| 11: | Ralph Nader | 70 |
| 12: | Saddam Hussein | 67 |
| 13: | Freddy Fender [Baldemar Huerta] | 67 |
| 14: | Paul Sorvino | 65 |
| 15: | Ryan O'Neal | 63 |
| 16: | Richard B. Cheney | 63 |
| 17: | Annette Funicello | 62 |
| 18: | Gary Busey | 60 |
| 19: | Billy Preston | 58 |
| 20: | Dave Davies | 57 |
| 21: | Ozzy Osbourne | 56 |
| 22: | Luther Vandross | 53 |
| 23: | Michael Moore | 50 |
| 24: | Eddie Van Halen | 49 |
| 25: | Nicole Kidman | 37 |
| Fay Wray | 96 |
| Ronald Wilson Reagan | 93 |
| Julia Child | 91 |
| Yasser Arafat | 75 |
|
| Roy | Total points: 50 |
| 1: | Al Lewis [Albert Meister] | 94 |
| 2: | Byron Nelson | 92 |
| 3: | "Professor" Irwin Corey | 92 |
| 4: | Rosa Parks | 91 |
| 5: | Ralph Edwards | 91 |
| 6: | Gerald Rudolph Ford | 91 |
| 7: | Claudia Alta "Lady Bird" Johnson | 91 |
| 8: | Zsa Zsa [Sari] Gabor | 88 |
| 9: | Ernest Borgnine | 87 |
| 10: | John Paul II [Karol Joseph Wojtyla] | 84 |
| 11: | Charles Durning | 81 |
| 12: | William Hubbs Rehnquist | 80 |
| 13: | Charlton Heston [Charles Carter] | 80 |
| 14: | Jonathan Winters | 79 |
| 15: | B.B. King | 79 |
| 16: | Art Donovan | 79 |
| 17: | Jerry Lewis [Joseph Levitch] | 78 |
| 18: | Fidel Castro Ruz | 78 |
| 19: | Shirley Temple | 76 |
| 20: | Pat Summerall | 74 |
| 21: | Larry Hagman [Hageman] | 73 |
| 22: | Saddam Hussein | 67 |
| 23: | Stephen Hawking | 62 |
| 24: | Annette Funicello | 62 |
| 25: | Roy Uwe Ludwig Horn | 60 |
| Ronald Wilson Reagan | 93 |
| Rodney Dangerfield [Jack Cohen] | 82 |
| Yasser Arafat | 75 |
|
