| Brian | Total points: 20 |
| 1: | VACANT | |
| 2: | John Wooden | 93 |
| 3: | Julia Child | 91 |
| 4: | Art Linkletter | 91 |
| 5: | Kirk Douglas [Issur Danielovitch] | 87 |
| 6: | Ernest Borgnine | 87 |
| 7: | James Whitmore | 82 |
| 8: | Jack Klugman | 81 |
| 9: | Chuck Yeager | 81 |
| 10: | Christopher Lee | 81 |
| 11: | Charlton Heston [Charles Carter] | 79 |
| 12: | Jerry Lewis [Joseph Levitch] | 78 |
| 13: | Chuck Berry | 77 |
| 14: | Max Von Sydow | 74 |
| 15: | George Jones | 72 |
| 16: | Peter O'Toole | 71 |
| 17: | Marion Barry | 68 |
| 18: | Jerry Lee Lewis | 68 |
| 19: | Dennis Hopper | 67 |
| 20: | Charlie Daniels | 67 |
| 21: | Albert Finney | 67 |
| 22: | Elliott Gould | 65 |
| 23: | Bill Walton | 51 |
| 24: | Les Claypool | 40 |
| 25: | Robert Downey Jr. | 38 |
 | Sir Alistair Cooke | 95 |
| Jack Paar | 85 |
|
| Chasmo | Total points: 0 |
| 1: | Ronald Wilson Reagan | 93 |
| 2: | Lou Jacobi | 90 |
| 3: | Ernest Borgnine | 87 |
| 4: | Arnold "Red" Auerbach | 86 |
| 5: | Mike [Myron] Wallace | 85 |
| 6: | Billy Graham | 85 |
| 7: | James Doohan | 84 |
| 8: | Al Molinaro | 84 |
| 9: | John Paul II [Karol Joseph Wojtyla] | 83 |
| 10: | Rodney Dangerfield [Jack Cohen] | 82 |
| 11: | Kurt Vonnegut Jr. | 81 |
| 12: | Hank Stram | 81 |
| 13: | Charles Durning | 81 |
| 14: | Marlon Brando | 79 |
| 15: | Monty Hall | 78 |
| 16: | Jerry Lewis [Joseph Levitch] | 78 |
| 17: | B.B. King | 78 |
| 18: | Yasser Arafat | 74 |
| 19: | Earl Weaver | 73 |
| 20: | Elizabeth Taylor | 72 |
| 21: | Geraldine Ferraro | 68 |
| 22: | Saddam Hussein | 66 |
| 23: | Johnny Winter [John Dawson III] | 60 |
| 24: | Roy Uwe Ludwig Horn | 59 |
| 25: | Leslie West | 58 |
|
| Jack | Total points: 25 |
| 1: | Fay Wray | 96 |
| 2: | Ronald Wilson Reagan | 93 |
| 3: | Mitch Miller | 92 |
| 4: | Julia Child | 91 |
| 5: | Kirk Douglas [Issur Danielovitch] | 87 |
| 6: | Billy Graham | 85 |
| 7: | James Doohan | 84 |
| 8: | Shelley Winters [Schrift] | 81 |
| 9: | Estelle Getty [Estella Scher] | 79 |
| 10: | Yasser Arafat | 74 |
| 11: | William Shatner | 73 |
| 12: | Saddam Hussein | 66 |
| 13: | George Carlin | 66 |
| 14: | Freddy Fender [Baldemar Huerta] | 66 |
| 15: | Paul Sorvino | 64 |
| 16: | Richard B. Cheney | 63 |
| 17: | Ryan O'Neal | 62 |
| 18: | Annette Funicello | 61 |
| 19: | Gary Busey | 59 |
| 20: | Billy Preston | 57 |
| 21: | Ozzy Osbourne | 55 |
| 22: | Luther Vandross | 52 |
| 23: | Michael Moore | 49 |
| 24: | Eddie Van Halen | 49 |
| 25: | Nicole Kidman | 36 |
| Marge Schott | 75 |
| Drop: | Jeff Smith | 65 |
|
| Roy | Total points: 20 |
| 1: | Ronald Wilson Reagan | 93 |
| 2: | Al Lewis [Albert Meister] | 93 |
| 3: | "Professor" Irwin Corey | 92 |
| 4: | Rosa Parks | 91 |
| 5: | Claudia Alta "Lady Bird" Johnson | 91 |
| 6: | Ralph Edwards | 90 |
| 7: | Gerald Rudolph Ford | 90 |
| 8: | Zsa Zsa [Sari] Gabor | 88 |
| 9: | Ernest Borgnine | 87 |
| 10: | John Paul II [Karol Joseph Wojtyla] | 83 |
| 11: | Rodney Dangerfield [Jack Cohen] | 82 |
| 12: | Charles Durning | 81 |
| 13: | Charlton Heston [Charles Carter] | 79 |
| 14: | Jerry Lewis [Joseph Levitch] | 78 |
| 15: | B.B. King | 78 |
| 16: | Art Donovan | 78 |
| 17: | Fidel Castro Ruz | 77 |
| 18: | Shirley Temple | 75 |
| 19: | Ariel Sharon | 75 |
| 20: | Yasser Arafat | 74 |
| 21: | Larry Hagman [Hageman] | 72 |
| 22: | Saddam Hussein | 66 |
| 23: | Stephen Hawking | 62 |
| 24: | Annette Funicello | 61 |
| 25: | Roy Uwe Ludwig Horn | 59 |
| Sir Alistair Cooke | 95 |
| Art Carney | 85 |
| Drop: | Jim Otto | 66 |
| Drop: | Sharon Osbourne | 51 |
|
