| Brian | Total points: 0 |
| 1: | Max Schmeling | 97 |
| 2: | Fay Wray | 96 |
| 3: | Ronald Wilson Reagan | 92 |
| 4: | Julia Child | 91 |
| 5: | Kirk Douglas [Issur Danielovitch] | 86 |
| 6: | Jake La Motta | 81 |
| 7: | Conrad Bain | 80 |
| 8: | Charles Durning | 80 |
| 9: | Charlton Heston [Charles Carter] | 78 |
| 10: | Jerry Lewis [Joseph Levitch] | 77 |
| 11: | Hugh Hefner | 77 |
| 12: | Alan Greenspan | 77 |
| 13: | Chuck Barris | 74 |
| 14: | Earl Weaver | 73 |
| 15: | Ryan O'Neal | 62 |
| 16: | Richard Pryor | 62 |
| 17: | Stephen Hawking | 61 |
| 18: | Keith Richards | 59 |
| 19: | Jimmy Page | 59 |
| 20: | Gary Busey | 59 |
| 21: | Ozzy Osbourne | 54 |
| 22: | John Cougar Mellencamp | 51 |
| 23: | Louie Anderson | 50 |
| 24: | Puff Daddy [Sean Combs] | 32 |
| 25: | Snoop Doggy Dogg [Calvin Broadus] | 30 |
|
| Chasmo | Total points: 100 |
| 1: | VACANT | |
| 2: | VACANT | |
| 3: | Ronald Wilson Reagan | 92 |
| 4: | Claudia Alta "Lady Bird" Johnson | 90 |
| 5: | Lou Jacobi | 89 |
| 6: | Mike [Myron] Wallace | 85 |
| 7: | Arnold "Red" Auerbach | 85 |
| 8: | Billy Graham | 84 |
| 9: | Al Molinaro | 84 |
| 10: | John Paul II [Karol Joseph Wojtyla] | 83 |
| 11: | James Doohan | 83 |
| 12: | Rodney Dangerfield [Jack Cohen] | 81 |
| 13: | Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. | 80 |
| 14: | Bob Barker | 79 |
| 15: | Monty Hall | 78 |
| 16: | B.B. King | 78 |
| 17: | Jerry Lewis [Joseph Levitch] | 77 |
| 18: | Yasser Arafat | 74 |
| 19: | Jerry Lee Lewis | 67 |
| 20: | Saddam Hussein | 66 |
| 21: | Richard Pryor | 62 |
| 22: | Stephen Hawking | 61 |
| 23: | Annette Funicello | 60 |
| 24: | Johnny Winter [John Dawson III] | 59 |
| 25: | Ron Wood | 56 |
 | Frank L. O'Bannon | 73 |
 | Johnny Cash | 71 |
| Drop: | Liza Minnelli | 57 |
 | Warren Zevon | 56 |
|
| Jack | Total points: 0 |
| 1: | Fay Wray | 96 |
| 2: | Ronald Wilson Reagan | 92 |
| 3: | Mitch Miller | 92 |
| 4: | Julia Child | 91 |
| 5: | Kirk Douglas [Issur Danielovitch] | 86 |
| 6: | Billy Graham | 84 |
| 7: | James Doohan | 83 |
| 8: | Shelley Winters [Schrift] | 81 |
| 9: | Estelle Getty [Estella Scher] | 79 |
| 10: | Yasser Arafat | 74 |
| 11: | William Shatner | 72 |
| 12: | V�clav Havel | 66 |
| 13: | Saddam Hussein | 66 |
| 14: | George Carlin | 66 |
| 15: | Freddy Fender [Baldemar Huerta] | 66 |
| 16: | Paul Sorvino | 64 |
| 17: | Jeff Smith | 64 |
| 18: | Ryan O'Neal | 62 |
| 19: | Annette Funicello | 60 |
| 20: | Gary Busey | 59 |
| 21: | Billy Preston | 57 |
| 22: | Bobby Kimball [Toteaux] | 56 |
| 23: | Ozzy Osbourne | 54 |
| 24: | Eddie Van Halen | 48 |
| 25: | Nicole Kidman | 36 |
|
| Roy | Total points: 29 |
| 1: | VACANT | |
| 2: | Sir Alistair Cooke | 94 |
| 3: | Ronald Wilson Reagan | 92 |
| 4: | Julia Child | 91 |
| 5: | Rosa Parks | 90 |
| 6: | Ralph Edwards | 90 |
| 7: | Gerald Rudolph Ford | 90 |
| 8: | Claudia Alta "Lady Bird" Johnson | 90 |
| 9: | Zsa Zsa [Sari] Gabor | 87 |
| 10: | Phyllis Diller | 86 |
| 11: | Ernest Borgnine | 86 |
| 12: | Jack Paar | 85 |
| 13: | Art Carney | 84 |
| 14: | John Paul II [Karol Joseph Wojtyla] | 83 |
| 15: | Abe Vigoda | 82 |
| 16: | Rodney Dangerfield [Jack Cohen] | 81 |
| 17: | Charles Durning | 80 |
| 18: | Jerry Lewis [Joseph Levitch] | 77 |
| 19: | Fidel Castro Ruz | 77 |
| 20: | Shirley Temple | 75 |
| 21: | Yasser Arafat | 74 |
| 22: | Wilford Brimley | 68 |
| 23: | Saddam Hussein | 66 |
| 24: | Stephen Hawking | 61 |
| 25: | Annette Funicello | 60 |
 | Johnny Cash | 71 |
|