| CH | Total points: 0 |
| 1: | Michael DeBakey | 92 |
| 2: | Ronald Wilson Reagan | 90 |
| 3: | Julia Child | 88 |
| 4: | Warren Spahn | 80 |
| 5: | Louis Harris | 80 |
| 6: | Jim McKay | 79 |
| 7: | Jim Ringo | 69 |
| 8: | Jerry Van Dyke | 69 |
| 9: | Ike Turner | 69 |
| 10: | Hope Lange | 69 |
| 11: | Chris White | 58 |
| 12: | Brian Cole | 58 |
| 13: | Angel Cordero | 58 |
| 14: | Dickey [Forrest Richard] Betts | 57 |
| 15: | Dave Edmunds | 57 |
| 16: | Leo Lyons | 56 |
| 17: | John Entwistle | 56 |
| 18: | Howard Scott | 55 |
| 19: | Laffit Pincay, Jr. | 54 |
| 20: | Roger Taylor | 51 |
|
| Chasmo | Total points: 75 |
| 1: | Buddy [Christian] Ebsen | 93 |
| 2: | Gerald Rudolph Ford | 87 |
| 3: | Augusto Pinochet | 85 |
| 4: | Norman Mailer | 78 |
| 5: | Yasser Arafat | 71 |
| 6: | Boris Nikolayevich Yeltsin | 70 |
| 7: | Dudley Moore | 66 |
| 8: | Richard B. Cheney | 60 |
| 9: | John Gotti | 60 |
| 10: | Stephen Hawking | 59 |
| 11: | Jan-Michael Vincent | 56 |
| 12: | John Goodman | 48 |
| 13: | Christopher Reeve | 48 |
| 14: | Dennis Rodman | 40 |
| 15: | Whitney Houston | 37 |
| 16: | Robert Downey, Jr. | 36 |
| 17: | John Daly | 35 |
| 18: | Scott Weiland | 33 |
| 19: | Ol' Dirty Bastard [Russell Jones] | 32 |
| 20: | Jeff Gordon | 29 |
 | Carroll O'Connor | 76 |
| Drop: | Don Imus | 60 |
| Joey Ramone [Jeffrey Hyman] | 49 |
|
| Ed | Total points: 0 |
| 1: | Luise Rainer | 91 |
| 2: | Julia Child | 88 |
| 3: | Delbert Mann | 81 |
| 4: | Shecky Greene | 75 |
| 5: | Pat Robertson [Marion Gordon] | 71 |
| 6: | Princess Margaret | 70 |
| 7: | Ruth Bader Ginsburg | 68 |
| 8: | Astrud Gilberto | 61 |
| 9: | Russell Means | 60 |
| 10: | John Gotti | 60 |
| 11: | Martin Barre | 54 |
| 12: | Tom Verlaine [Miller] | 51 |
| 13: | Joe Piscopo | 50 |
| 14: | Eddie Van Halen | 46 |
| 15: | Archie Griffin | 46 |
| 16: | Scott Baio | 39 |
| 17: | Trey Parker | 31 |
| 18: | Niki Taylor | 26 |
| 19: | Jose Castellanos | 24 |
| 20: | Joshua Urbanski | 22 |
| Drop: | Pete Fountain | 70 |
| Drop: | Jeff Sluman | 43 |
| Drop: | Daley Thompson | 42 |
|
| George | Total points: 0 |
| 1: | Sir Alistair Cooke | 92 |
| 2: | Ronald Wilson Reagan | 90 |
| 3: | Red [Albert Fred] Schoendienst | 78 |
| 4: | Donald [David Dixon] O'Connor | 75 |
| 5: | John Williams | 69 |
| 6: | Sam Moore | 65 |
| 7: | Nancy Wilson | 64 |
| 8: | Ben E. King | 62 |
| 9: | Annette Funicello | 58 |
| 10: | Marilyn Vos Savant | 54 |
| 11: | Lola Falana | 54 |
| 12: | Ted Danson | 53 |
| 13: | Dennis [Frederick] Greene | 52 |
| 14: | Mitch Pileggi | 49 |
| 15: | Pierce Brosnan | 48 |
| 16: | Robert Picardo | 47 |
| 17: | Ronald Reagan, Jr. | 43 |
| 18: | Justin Leonard | 29 |
| 19: | Brian Austin Green | 27 |
|
| Jack | Total points: 31 |
| 1: | Milton Berle [Berlinger] | 92 |
| 2: | Byron Nelson | 89 |
| 3: | Kirk Douglas [Issur Danielovitch] | 84 |
| 4: | James Arness [Aurness] | 78 |
| 5: | Charles Durning | 78 |
| 6: | Buzz [Edwin] Aldrin, Jr. | 71 |
| 7: | Ruth Bader Ginsburg | 68 |
| 8: | Saddam Hussein | 64 |
| 9: | Jeff Smith | 62 |
| 10: | Richard B. Cheney | 60 |
| 11: | Pete Rose | 60 |
| 12: | Bobby Knight | 60 |
| 13: | George Harrison | 58 |
| 14: | Billy Preston | 54 |
| 15: | Kelly Preston | 38 |
| 16: | Jason Newsted | 38 |
| 17: | Lars Ulrich | 37 |
| 18: | Sarah Jessica Parker | 36 |
| 19: | Marisa Tomei | 36 |
| 20: | Nicole Kidman | 34 |
| Drop: | [Eldred] Gregory Peck | 85 |
| Drop: | Jim Bunning | 69 |
| Eddie Mathews | 69 |
| Drop: | John Entwistle | 56 |
| Drop: | Geoff Bodine | 52 |
| Drop: | Richie Sambora | 40 |
|
| PP | Total points: 8 |
| 1: | VACANT | |
| 2: | Sam Snead | 89 |
| 3: | Mitch Miller | 89 |
| 4: | Jesse Helms | 79 |
| 5: | Jackie Cooper | 79 |
| 6: | Deborah Kerr | 79 |
| 7: | Ed Cassidy | 70 |
| 8: | Billy Casper | 70 |
| 9: | George Jones | 69 |
| 10: | Dan Rather | 69 |
| 11: | Linda Ellerbee | 56 |
| 12: | Jon Anderson | 56 |
| 13: | Eddy Grant | 53 |
| 14: | Tom Shales | 52 |
| 15: | Mark Farner | 52 |
| 16: | Barbi Benton | 51 |
| 17: | Boon Gould | 46 |
| 18: | Vanilla Ice [Robert Van Winkle] | 32 |
| 19: | Lil' Kim | 25 |
| 20: | Foxy Brown [Inga Marchand] | 21 |
| Imogene Coca | 92 |
|
| Roy | Total points: 0 |
| 1: | Herbert Block | 91 |
| 2: | Ronald Wilson Reagan | 90 |
| 3: | Pope John Paul II [Karol Joseph Wojtyla] | 81 |
| 4: | Abe Vigoda | 80 |
| 5: | Jesse Helms | 79 |
| 6: | Charles Durning | 78 |
| 7: | Boris Nikolayevich Yeltsin | 70 |
| 8: | Desmond Tutu | 69 |
| 9: | Jim Nabors | 68 |
| 10: | Dudley Moore | 66 |
| 11: | Richard B. Cheney | 60 |
| 12: | Slobodan Milosevic | 59 |
| 13: | Larry Flynt | 58 |
| 14: | Suzanne Somers [Mahoney] | 54 |
| 15: | Natalie Cole | 51 |
| 16: | Dee Dee Ramone [Douglas Colvin] | 48 |
| 17: | Christopher Reeve | 48 |
| 18: | Michael J. Fox | 40 |
| 19: | Robert Downey, Jr. | 36 |
| 20: | Charlie Sheen [Carlos Estevez] | 35 |
| Drop: | Laura Davies | 37 |
| Drop: | John Daly | 35 |
|
