"Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous at the wheel, do serve a purpose!" (and that purpose is to hold your shit while you go do something else)
Jim Carrey aka Lloyd Christmas
Dumb and Dumber
Finding a cool old person is like finding a little girl inside of Michael Jackson's house. They're very rare. All of the old people in my neighborhood just sit there crapping their wrinkly asses while bitching at me and my friends to get out of the road or not to skate in the neighborhood. They suck. They think since they've been on the earth longer than everyone else, they rule everything. News flash: YOU DON'T OWN EVERYTHING! YOU OWN NOTHING. All you own is a rascal, a bingo card, and maybe a rock. Maybe. Nothing else. Social security owns everything else. My taxes pay for all of your shit. Do old people truly feel the need to be in charge or keep things under control in every situation? Once, they saw a 1 foot flame that me and my friends lit in the road, which was controlled, and when the shitty old people looked out their window and saw that flame, they called the fire department. We even had a bucket of water there in case anything happened. After we talked to the firemen (which came barrelling down our road at 2 am) and told him it was for an art project (don't ask), he said it was fine, but don't do it again. He also told us that 8 DIFFERENT HOUSES (all belonging to old people) CALLED THE FIRE DEPARTMENT. Do you see what I mean, about "keeping the situation under control"? If anything "crazy" is going on: "Hey, oh my gosh, what's going on, everyone stay calm, blah blah blah blah BLAH". JUST SHUT UP. YOU'RE OLD, AND NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU. ALL YOUR RELATIVES WANT TO DUMP YOU IN A REST HOME. Why do old people insist on being dumbasses behind the wheel? LOOK, YOU ASSHOLES! Look when you're backing up, look when you're turning, look when you're driving, JUST OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK! All old people do is kill other people in car accidents. Well, they don't actually KILL them, but they just maim them because they aren't going fast enough to kill anything. I say that all old people should be standing on the Las Vegas strip and have a cement mixer just drive right through. It'd be like a parade. A parade of sweetness. There would be balloons and everything. Cotton candy, pretzels, mass killing, all in good fun. Or we could have like a second holocaust type thing. We'll lure them in like a squirell being tempted by an acorn. We'll just tell them that they're going to the best retirement home on earth, complete with a fake brochure. By the time they pack their rascal, their bingo card, and for the lucky ones their rock, and move into "Hollow Cost Retirement Home", it will be too late. In conclusion, this is all I have to say. Old people need to drop dead. Hey, old people. You suck. I hate you.
