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Football |
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Oh man, today I went to the mall to get a video game, because I kick so much ass. As I was walking back to the car, I see two kids outside of Garts Sports, which is attached to the mall, and one of the kids was carrying a box. Already pissed off at the fact that I saw two little kids, I realized that the worst was yet to come. The kid with the box bent down into the "rape me, please" position and said "Hut, Hut, Hike!" OH MY HELL! I couldn't believe I wasn't wielding a shotgun, I would've gone mad massacre right there on the spot. After the boy said "hike", the both just started sprinting across the parking lot, tossing the box back and forth so giddly that you would've thought it was two gay men tossing a sack of soggy dicks. After I saw this, I realized that this is the downfall of our nation. Take a look at this from, like an aliens perspective, who has never been to earth before: One Sunday out of every year, millions of people either leave their homes to go to the field, or watch it on TV, a bunch of guys in matching outfits playing grab ass for 3 hours. Now don't think of it as the Superbowl....... now how advanced do we seem as a civilization? |
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If they're not playing grab-ass, what are they doing? |
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Seriously, look at the picture above. Look at all those idiots with their hands up in the air, "pick me, pick me, I'm a dumbass!" Look at number 29. Look at him, then imagine him yelling "I need to grab some ass!" Seriously, between plays they stand around like duddering oafs with they're thumbs up their asses, and obviously the sound of a whistle blown makes the balmy cretins spring into super-rape mode and start dropping the soap (A.K.A the ball) all over the place. Holy shit, there's this one kid that I know that plays football, and whenever he walks up to me, he just starts punching me and says "Holy crap, I could kill you!" So, being the pirate that I am, I shove him off and unleash a verbal assault on him and everyone laughs. Then he gets embarassed, goes scarlet in the face, then stalks off like an sluggish ogre. Maybe I didn't physically hurt him, but I totally blew his reputation and made him look like a dumbass, and every pirate knows that doing that is a much greater victory, and feels so much better. I've got an idea for you lame brained dolts. Go do something constructive and pick up a video game paddle, you morons. |
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57532 people love to play grab ass in tight uniforms |
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Back to how much I rule... |
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