Will rewrite all the stories soon... 'till then, welcome to the Yellow House. It's been down for a bit. Long story short, nigga stole my site. Took all these pictures myself, in my travels across the land (searching far and wide).
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The rules of conduct here are:
1. Dead dogs are fair game.
2. Pink Floyd is the best band ever. You especially find meaning in the song "Time." The only thing that would make them better was if they wore Bob Dylan masks. You will wear Bob Dylan masks to symbolize my desire. Most of this desire is sexual.
3. Whenever you wonder where your god is now, you are thinking of a phrase I popularized and you must immediately remember that your god is me and I am, in all likelihood, at the computer.
4. I also popularized the words "nig," "Jew," "Jewnig," "Abortion," "Fuckmybutt," "Drill LOL," "Jew Fucky," "Shitnigger," "Lollersubmarines," "Pain Train," "1337 Strat," and the logical system of Frontin' and Misrepresentin'. My antics are legendary. My tongue is smooth. All these words will be in the dictionary someday. You will use guerilla warfare and rugged good looks to achieve my goals as I would do.
5. You will say "Lollersubmarines," not "lollersubs." In addition, all lollersubmarines run on love and shit rainbows. This is just how they work.
6. Cutting your wrists is not funny.
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Now... on with the show. You probably won't notice that I got rid of the pictures I didn't like.
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Now every picture comes after the one before it. Except for the sexy ones of me a few inches down... they are lost in time and space
This thing is like the Mystery Machine. Except gangsters from the neighborhood putter around in it, and pop out and go "BANG BANG, MR. COP!" (lol inside jokes) at inconvenient moments. This, of course, causes shenanigans worldwide.When I first encountered them, they were making trouble with the people in Japantown.
Friends frontin' and fornicatin'? Want to show them who's boss, J-town style? Tell them to eat this. And don't worry. I got your back.
Mmm... chauvinist irony. I feel a little bad about putting this up. But I'm 99% certain that no girls dare enter the Yellow House. Have you ever heard of stardocking? It's when you poop in a condom and...
This image is why I orignally started this website. To brag about my sexy body. It was sexy even before the pain train rolled in. This picture was going to be used in a Hindu's film studies class. Obviously, it wasn't used.
I am struggling for words to describe this picture. Some describe it as masturbation. I describe it as sexy.
This one, uhh... I don't know why I still have this one. I mean, there's a guy at my Asian temple who has a car with a license plate that says "LOL WTF." (I don't know who owns it yet, but on the first day I saw it, there were three large, bespectacled, balding whiteys with long hair straight out of a fuckin' role playing and gay sex session talking about bouncing ideas off people, so...) Not to mention oh snap is almost as out of style as the middle finger.
LOL, I fucking jewsuck at carving pumpkins (an "artistic retard," if you will). As you can see, I was trying to make an Asian. People who came by the house that halloween complimented the alien pumpkin.
No... you know what? That one's not funny. It's gone.
Okay, this one is pretty good. I approve of this one. Hopefully you'll see the two things wrong with this picture.
Oh man, good times. A few hours after we took this picture, Ryan took two automatic Airsoft guns and started chasing after me, shooting me. I ran, of course (the last time someone chased me with an airsoft gun, the day before, he didn't even shoot, and I ran away anyway and broke down a screen door). Taking shelter behind a shed, I found a conveniently placed stop sign. I attacked Ryan and slashed his shirt. Probably, it could have gotten much uglier. Note the gay smile on Kyle's face.
Lol, the store is open two hours a day. Lol lol lol. ....
One day, I biked out to Burke Center Plaza, or whatever that place is with the Caribou Coffee and the good McDonalds in it. And I snapped this. Now, you've probably seen it before, every time you drove out to the highway. But just now you're realizing how fucked up this shit is. What goes on in an Asian medical center? Are whiteys not allowed? Well, then again, that's good -- whiteys shouldn't be allowed anywhere. Then they'd stop bitching lol! Do not IM me and tell me that Asian medical centers are designed for small Asian penises.
Gangsta lessons 4 lyfe! Lesson 1: What happens if you don't wash your hands? Many things, such as mud butt and swamp ass, ebola, John Kerry Bush Cheney, nut warts, and butt goblins! These are all quite serious consequences.
I remember this one. This was from the first time I biked over to that shopping center off Pickett Road (I bike everywhere, I've biked down Chapel Road, you know how hard that is when there's only road and forest? Fucking hard. Get off me.). Yeah, that Samurai store is pretty sweet, and so is Mamma Lucia, even though the rest of that mall is frighteningly empty and prostitutes probably come out of the ground at midnight. Fun fact: Xylitol, which is proven to taste like shit, is very common in Japan.
This Pocky is for men only. No bitches, hoes, or Jews. I've encountered this combination of man and chocolate before, in Africa, a Bob Dylan concert, and in California, where a sign advertising men's pocky (and basically exerting male supremacy... too bad Asians are too silly to have such ideas and were probably just JK) was hanging over the store. Right above the price sticker are some Japanese characters. They translate to "Greek Men's Pocky." Fun fact: The Greeks liked to run around naked.
I think I remember the day I took this picture. It had been snowing, see. And the 2005-2006 winter was like the best one ever. I went sledding a lot, the school was REALLY easy about cancelling. And who can ever forget that time I saw Chris Murphy's bitches, whom he'd been labelling as hot for the past hour, and looked over at Ryan O'Connell and was like... NOPE! Yes, it was during this time. I had gone to a Pizza Hut buffet with a bunch of my friends, and we were browsing the dollar store. And that's when we saw the dinosaur orgy.
I'll always remember the day my dog died because the day preceding it was St. Patrick's Day and I got really drunk that night and while we were in the vet I was fighting tears and a bad stomachache... almost defeated both but I had to go and puke everywhere. (lol jk)
The day my dog died... I really just had to GTFO. I mean, I was having a great time playing my brand new Pokemon Fire Red game, but I just needed to... drink my troubles away. With a delicious Slurpee. And what do I know, the Twatmobile parks right in front of 7-11, thumping a weird kid rock song. Something like "Kids of America." Like seriously, the twattishness of this car cannot really be conveyed in words. A balding 40-year-old man and his two punky kids come out, and I swoop in. Twattish bumper sticker, and a twattish license plate. It really is a full package. If I ever see this car on the road, I'm going to crash into it even if it means my death. I expect that you will do the same.
Yeah (this is during the same dead dog day; I'm now in 7-11 at that point). This candy rages against the machine. Then I bought it, and ate it. That sure showed it. Punkass candy...
This was later parodied, now everybody thinks I fuck bears
Famous for dead dogs
Detailed log of all the antics that took place in last year's band trip to Atlanta
Be warned, not all the pictures from Japan are of this amazing quality.
NEWoutofthecloset.MOV (what I missed was the first 5 seconds of the commercial, where the guy is unhappy with his current stove, and then the Japanese man pops out of his closet... my B)
homohobo.jpg (I enjoyed typing that)
tenderassbitingvenison.jpg (K the deers in Osaka haven't been properly hunted so they're not afraid of people. Then some assholes decided to sell crackers to give to the deer, causing them to spiral into an Indian-like dependency. When I bought my crackers, I was surrounded by 10 of the bastards, who were biting me and following me. When I got back to America, thousands of deers died for the audacity of their Asian brethren and my humiliation)
owned.jpg (should probably explain this one, in a temple we went to, a really nice one, there was a wooden pillar with a hole cut in it, and you could get through it if you were small enough. This particular Asian could not.)
