The greatest gift of all time is to be found from deep within the submissive heart. It cannot be touched, measured, nor seen; yet you know it is there, you can feel it with every breath taken. It is sweet surrender. It is serenity and peace of mind in the knowledge that you are, in all essence, owned... heart, mind, body, and soul. I am by no means an expert in D/s, yet do feel that I have something to share with those who want to listen. What I have to offer here is the friendly word of experience. The journey of submission is one that is not to be taken lightly. It takes great strength of mind, and strength of the heart. This is a life of soul searching, of ecstasy, and sometimes of heartbreak. It is not one of fantasy; and the reason that I am so compelled to write this is because after five years of experience with many facets of this lifestyle, I would like to help dispel the fantasy that has been built up around the very idea of this life. I would like to bring to you, the reader, what I would call reality. The real need to surrender control. It is an act of love, of devotion and passion. It has nothing to do with pain or humiliation; it has nothing to do with sex. It has everything to do with the condition of the heart, and the expression of one's nature. You may ask, what is reality? Outright, I cannot give you an answer. Every person in this life figures out what is real for themself. Real for me is the need to accept and be who I am, a submissive woman; a slave. Granted five years is not a lot in the grand scheme of things, but I live life by my heart. My partner and I live together bound by love and the M/s lifestyle. Real is the need to surrender who I am to my Master. A year ago I couldn't fathom the depth in the word slavery. In the first place it took me long enough to admit that I am submissive! Took even longer to get me to say the word bondage without fainting. Yet, as I continue on in my journey I learn again and again that destiny takes hold in ways I never even dreamed possible. Who am I, you ask? I am a proud young woman in her twenties. A submissive, caring individual who likes to put others before herself. I am someone who finds great joy in feeding her creativity. An outspoken humanist who believes in everyone's right to be heard. A spirited, emotional girl with a strong motherly instinct. I am a slave to my Master. And much more besides.       Author's note: Since I am a female who only has experience with male dominants, I can only write from that perspective. This is not to exclude the male submissives/slaves out there in the world, nor is it to exclude same sex relationships. I simply cannot speak from those points of view. So, my apologies, just do some quick gender scribing. :) During the time I was considering accepting a collar I was given the task of writing this essay. I sat on a couple of articles about ownership for a few weeks, and finally got so frustrated that I couldn't write more than two coherent lines. Everyone has their own ideals of what this lifestyle entails… they tried to enforce set rules that D/s lives by... they all have their own definition of the term slave, ...yet nothing spoke to my heart. Nothing I read had strove for the universal factors that come into relationships finding their basis in dominance and submission. Yet I knew in my heart that there had to be something that linked us all - Dominants and Masters, submissives and slaves alike. I knew that this is a life of work; every time a submissive is asked to kneel she is facing an internal battle of will power. Every time she is asked to remain quiet she struggles with inner demons that would take a warrior to silence. What makes it all worth it? It is the simple feeling of belonging that comes from pleasing her dominant. After tossing away those articles I went back to the basics and took a look inside. I was trying to sort through emotions I had never felt before, asking myself if I could be a slave to the one I longed to call Master. He had slowly gained my trust and held my heart in his hands, helping me search deep inside of myself for what it is I need to survive. It was there, from deep within, that I found my purpose. I need to live in conjunction with another, in balance with who I am and who I am with. To understand what it is to be submissive, one must understand what it is to live under the guidance and care of a dominant. Is it easy following another's rules? Or to trust him to know what is best for you? Or better yet, is it easy to trust him to know what is going on inside of your head, before you even know it yourself? Try reworking a lifetime of social conditioning as an independent woman and lay your soul bare at the feet of a dominant, then come and tell me it's easy. It's anything but. It's far easier to turn your back and submit to the whip than it is to submit to another's will. This life is not something that can be defined within a certain set of rules or guidelines. There is not a soul that can tell you what is right except for your heart, and the one you have chosen as your partner. Submission is a personal journey of yielding control to suit your own needs. For some, pain plays no part in their heart's desire. Some don't need to have their submission wrestled from them with physical dominance. To those that feel this with every breath that they take, their submission is an offering made from their heart and soul. They live by clear limits and the simple knowledge that they are taken care of, in essence. These sorts of relationships definitely do not just fall into place, they take a lifetime of fine tuning.   Go a step further, and we have slavery. Here is a word that brings up many misconceptions not only within the vanilla world but also within the D/s community. First of all, we must forget any images that historic record conjures up. Slavery is built upon consensuality and is only offered if the proper foundation for such a relationship is built. Simply said, a slave submits to her Master everything that is within her. Once the proper trust is built, if she can offer it, she will. She not only offers what she has, but also what she is inside. It matters not what physical acts she performs, they do not define her slavery though it may be a part of her service. Each relationship is different, some may include bdsm, some may focus more on the mental aspects of surrender, and further some may combine those facets and more, like my own relationship. To find out what is right for you comes through experimentation. You can read books, listen to lectures, watch video tapes... and still you only get the tip of the iceberg. Until you make that jump to experience it for yourself, there is nothing that can prepare you for a relationship like this. This journey is so individual... so different for each and every person. Some may find their needs fulfilled online. Some will find that they need more. Some may like to have every detail of their life controlled; from where they sleep to what food they eat. Others may like to live their life freely under the guidance and care of their Master. It depends on how each individual feels her own fulfillment. Making the transition to a full time Power Exchange of Master and slave was, for me, a wake up call… it was the combination of real life, real problems, real insecurities, real egos (both his and my own, after all I am only human), and through it all a deeply rooted need to submit which brings me real pleasure. As my comfort level built with time, I found myself wanting to give more and more, until finally, I knew my goal: I wanted to give this man everything I possibly could. Thus, I embarked on a journey of complete surrender. Before someone asks, no that does not mean I desire to have my body used at any time of the day; it does not mean that I have to be a super-human without any faults; most of all it does not mean that I don't have an equal say in the dynamics of our relationship. Down to the core, my slavery means one simple thing: that I will work with my Master to the fullest of my capabilities to surrender as much control to him as is possible. By traditional definitions, a slave is someone who gives up all rights and limits. She obeys without the right to question. The Master makes all decisions. Some even go so far as to mentioning that if her Master likes one type of music and she another, well she is out of luck and has to give up her personal likes to submit to her Master's will. I didn't like this definition of a slave, and thankfully it is not who my Master expects me to be. Honestly, this definition exceeds the bounds of human capacity. We are all born with a will, some just use that power differently than others. A slave is a person, one who still needs to have the most fundamental needs taken care of. She remains an individual with thoughts, feelings, likes, and dislikes just as anyone else. She needs to feel loved and cherished just as much as she needs to be controlled. She needs to feel gratitude from her Master for the gift that she offers. The Master does not make all of the decisions and throw away his slave's needs on his own whim. This is still a working partnership. I do want to touch upon the things that I consider to be the realities of a committed, consensual relationship of The Power Exchange - D/s and M/s alike. (Though I'm going to use the terms Master and slave) Love is the basis of any relationship. As Aristotle once said, it is one soul inhabiting two bodies… it is the reunion of two hearts that know each other intimately. Love lacks tangibility; it lacks reason and rules. Love binds more securely than any chain. In D/s the metaphor so often used is that the partners, though not equal, are parts of a whole. They fit together like the yin-yang symbol. They compliment each other, they belong to each other. Love completes; joining partners in life like night and day. Unconditional love is the goal, the ability to see into the heart of your partner and find your place there... to know that you always have a place there. Love allows the freedom to help with faults and shortcomings, it pulls you to work through anything thrown at you because your bond is that strong; it will see the emptiness filled. Trust feeds surrender. It lays the foundation for the proper groundwork to build up a healthy relationship. With tiny steps, only one at a time, trust will build more and more. It comes with but one stipulation, that both partners will work their best to uphold the magnitude of trust that has been achieved, and always strive for more. It can be easy to trust your Master with a flogger in his hand, but to trust him to see inside of your soul takes patience. It takes time to be able to let go of yourself and allow him inside of your heart. There is nothing to fear but to fear itself… and fears can be overcome. Communication, Honesty, and Patience will help tackle any problem. Communication must be kept up at all times regardless of fears or inhibitions. If you are afraid to tell your Master something, there should be no shame in admitting so, as long as the fear is voiced. Voicing that concern will help the Master to know exactly where his slave's head is at, and will help him better assess the situation and how to deal with it. Keeping things inside will have the negative aspects building until they reach an unhealthy level. This will put any relationship, even the seemingly perfect, in jeopardy. A Master can only see to his slave's needs if she opens up to him and communicates, and vice versa. Masters and slaves, dominants and submissives, are only human - not mind-readers. Compromise is needed to move forward in relationships. Master and slave are both individuals with needs that have to be seen to. If conflicts arise (and trust me, they will!) the need to re-negotiate is at hand. Once a conflict is seen to and resolved, then both need to forgive and let go, to learn and grow from that experience. The only way the experience will benefit both is if that compromise is reached. The Power to give completely, to surrender, comes from within. A slave is sure of what she holds inside, and has a will of her own to contribute to the relationship. Her will is very much based in the need to surrender that power she feels from within, but she cannot surrender anything that she does not have control over herself. She needs to be sure of her limits and have the strength of mind to communicate her needs. The Master has to be kept in check as well as the slave; it keeps the relationship balanced. Ego is needed, both should be proud of what they have to offer, yet they are neither haughty nor arrogant. Humility is always the key. Faith gives vitality to the Power Exchange. It is trust in the unseen, the untouchable. When the sun sets at night, are you sure that it will rise the next morning? We take that as a given, yet there is always that underlying faith that what we have known before to be true will continue to remain as the truth. The same is true for relationships. Yes any outside factor can change at any given moment... but the love, the devotion, and trust always remains as long as both partners work at keeping their relationship healthy and committed. When conflicts arise, and all seems dark and dismal, it may be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel… but only faith can and will give you the hope that all odds will be overcome. Courage gives rise to purpose. Fear is only an obstacle to be overcome, and this lifestyle is one of constant learning and growth. This is a lifetime of pushing limits to see what you are capable of. Life is the journey, the destination is achieved at the end. Most often a slave is on uneasy grounds, her only comfort being in the knowledge that her Master would never hurt her, never take her to a place she wasn't ready to face yet. If she falls, what is stopping her from getting up beside herself? Self-doubt is the most inhibiting of any fear, and the only way to face these fears is head on. A slave does so quietly, yet the battles in her head and heart are great. To overcome these fears is the tantamount of courage. A lifetime of being pushed is not easy. It is imminent that a slave will falter, or stray down a path that her Master does not wish her to take. To help ease her burden, compassion needs to be shown. The submissive mind is delicate, and will only remain open in a place of comfort. The strength that she draws from her Master's kind word of encouragement will help pull her past her own doubts, and put her back on the right path. Reality hits. There are separate egos to be factored in… individual needs to weigh out. No one can live up to unrealistic expectations. This is a hard, working relationship that takes time, it takes patience, and it takes compromise. If things weren't complicated enough from within the private arena, we all live within a world that is predominantly vanilla. A Master and slave go out into public, into a world that shuns their morals and values. What it comes down to is an age old saying: there is a time and a place for everything. Finding out what works best for you will take communication, and objectiveness. Be tolerant, one of my favorite sayings is: tolerance makes the world go 'round. There are as many different styles to the lifestyle as there are participants, and not everyone will share the same views. And lastly... Respect. What else needs to be said? Mutual respect, flowing from top to bottom and bottom to top. It is an honor to have someone accept the gift of submission just as much as it is to be offered that gift. Show respect and there is no doubt that you will see it in return.   Honor is to be found along with the pure joy of fulfilling your life's dream. Listen to your heart; it will never lie to you. Be proud of what you accomplish, and look forward to what there is yet to overcome. Enjoy the journey, it will bring you bliss like you've never known before. Always, willo