The FDA is considering additional
warnings on
beer and alcohol bottles, such
as:
13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
make
you think you are whispering when you are not.
12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is
a major
factor in dancing like an asshole.
11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
cause
you to tell the same boring story over and over
again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
cause
you to thay shings like thish.
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
lead
you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for
you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
leave
you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
cause
you to roll over in the morning and see something really
scary (whose species and or name you can't
remember).
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the
leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
create
the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and
smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
lead
you to believe you are invisible.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
lead
you to think people are laughing WITH you.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may
cause
an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby
small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem
to disappear.
AND THE #1 WARNING THAT THE
FDA IS CONSIDERING:
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may
actually CAUSE pregnancy.
-(Special thanks to my youngest daughter, Kristen
for this contribution)-
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