10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

9. Directions to your doctor's office include "take a right when you enter the trailer park".

8. Tongue depressors taste faintly like Fudgesicles.

7. Only proctologist in the plan is Gus from Roto-Rooter.

6. Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "an apple a day."

5. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out of network chargers" is not a typo.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "m's" on them.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED A CHEAP HMO....

1. YOU ASK FOR VIAGRA, YOU GET A POPSICLE STICK AND DUCT TAPE!!!!