The Fart Files
THE COMMON FART
The Common Fart is the fart heard most often. It is a very close
relative of the "Ripper", but is released with less force. It
is usually heard in groups where people aren't yet comfortable with farting
amongst each other. Therefore, one person in the group gets up some nerve
and releases this common-sounding fart in such a manner that everyone now
feels comfortable with group flatulence.. Usually there is no smell with
the Common Fart.
THE ANXIOUS FART
The Anxious Fart is let in a place where someone does not want
the fart to be heard. You may have seen men and women in book stores or
grocery stores, or even on the street, letting these farts. They are generally
controlled, usually barely audible, and require much skill to master.
THE COUGHING FART
The Coughing Fart is one that the farter tries to cover up with
a cough. My dad used to let these farts all the time when he worked at the
Bingo Hall. He would stand at the back of the hall and cough, just as a
nice "common fart" was let. It can be embarrassing for the farter,
and those around the farter, if the timing is off at all, or if the fart
is longer than anticipated.
THE WET FART
The Wet Fart is one that sounds quite juicy. Quite often this
fart is cause for alarm, and an indication that a trip to the toilet is
imminent.
THE BLOWER
This fart is similar to the ripper, except it has a bit of a
hollow, windy sound to it. This is due to farter blowing all the gas out
quickly. This fart will almost always get a laugh.
TIGHT BUN FART
This fart is always recognizable. It sounds like the farter's
buns were so tight that he/she was in pain while farting.
THE RIPPER
One of the best farts around is The Ripper. It is loud, rough,
and always raises an eyebrow or two. Characteristics of The Ripper often
show up in other farts, but make no mistake - this fart is a single, powerful
gas-bubble that comes screaming from the farter's butt.
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