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This is a friend of mine, "Wendy", we had met at the Comic Strip when they were having the open mics. She wanted to get into comedy. We started hanging out and talking, giving each other advice, criticism, and motivation...Yeah, okay you got me, I was trying to get into her pants! Problem was she forgot to mention one small thing, she had a fucken' cat! And she was married, can you believe that? I hate cats!
She moved to Austin, TX, and I lost contact with her. I hadn't spoke to her in months, then one day I got this email:
Subject : hey there from austin
Date : Fri, 18 Jan 2002 14:55:04 -0500
Charlie!
You'll never guess how I got your email address. i did search on your name
and saw your postings on www.gotcrack.com
You went to New York? how was that? What other gigs are you doing? When
are you coming to Austin? I've got good news and bad news.
Bad news is I'm getting a divorce. Good news is I'm not married anymore!
Kick ass,
-wendy
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NEW! Wendy's Valentine's message:
Subject: Happy V-day
Hey Charlie,
Want some good material?
That is, if you are still attempting comedy..
I made sure to finalize my divorce today! On Valentines Day! I'm so
happy. It's so damn liberating. I thought maybe it would be real quick
because it would be dead in court, but it was crowded!
ANyway, Happy V-Day - hope you find some foreign tourist and tell them it's
customary to give strangers a kiss on Valentine's day so you don't feel so
lonely :(
-pc out
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This email is from my cousin "L.T." I hadn't really known her my whole life until a couple of months before I left home. She's really cool and besides my mom and brother, she's the only one in my family that supports what I'm doing. I had been in the crowd at the Today Show, and my mom had seen me, this is my cousin's message to me:
Subject :
You've been spotted
Date :
Mon, 26 Nov 2001 10:56
Hey Cous!!!
You were found in the crowd of many and yes you are a star now!
Your Mom
and brother did see, unfortunately I did not see the tape or show your Mom
found you on. But it's cool that your Mom did see you say "Hi Mom", I'm
sure that made her day, week and month.
We really missed you on Thanksgiving, but I'm sure you were having fun with
you new life. I'm glad you are loving it and playing it smart.
It's Monday morning and I'm back home now. I spoke to your Mom this morning
and she wanted me to let you know that she sent you a card with some mula,
so be on the look out for it.
Thanks again for the post card and for sending your Mom those pictures.
They were cool to see. We ran out of time to make copies for now their in
your Mom possesion to add to your album of fame.
Keep in touch and let me know when we can do the cam deal again.
I'm getting ready to register for school right now as your Mom is also doing
the same in El Paso. It's a trip because we'll be going to school for the
same program. Wish us luck, please.
Take care of yourself.
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Here's an email I got from "I.V.", she's a friend from El Paso:
hi charlie,
i have no clue what a toll free voice mail is!....
what do i do with it? do i dial it through the phone or what?
well not much going on here but trying to get a job thats it!
We got a puppy now and we named here little bear,
when she gets bigger,
we're just gonna call her bear. she's a rottwieller. EEESH huh?
well i hope your doing well in new york there, i'm learning alot about
history now but not much of it, just doing it for fun.
well any way this
letter is gettin' too long,so i'll stop bugging you -k-, write back alright
and let me know how everything is doing in new york now,
do you havea
g'friend yet?! i give yuh all my luck in finding one there, i hope she'dbe a
cool of a person enough to treat a good person right.
i'll talk to yuh
laterz,
your #1 fan,
"I.V"
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This from my "shithead"...
Date : Fri, 21 Dec 2001 02:51:47 EST
Subject: none
COME BACK!!
&
I'LL SHOW YOU...
????
MY
???
NIPPLE
J/K
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"shithead" again...
Date : Fri, 21 Dec 2001 02:49:52
EST
Subject: none
I
MISS
YOU!!
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Then she found out what I was doing:
Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 15:46:54 EST
Subject: (no subject)
hi monkey!!! why are you putting my voicemails on your web.
i sound like a fuckin idiot
i love u
This is NEW: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is mom, read the end and you'll figure out where I got my twisted sense of humor... Date : Tue, 18 Dec 2001 17:57:29
Hi CHARLIE ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tue, 5 Mar 2002 11:42:50 EST
Subject: (no subject)
hey you. I have tired to leave you a message, but im not able to get thru. i
hope everything is going great. guess what!!!! i took off my nipple ring,
it started to bother me. ill try your voice mail again.
i love you
GREETINGS FROM DALLAS.TX. YES BABY,I'M HERE AT ____'S HOUSE. IT'S
BEAUTIFUL, MAZY FELL IN LOVE WITH THE HOUSE AND YARD, SHE GOT
ALONG GOOD WITH HER COUSINS YASHI AND MERCEDES(___'s dogs).
HEY BABY I HOPE YOU'RE DOING GOOD,CONGRATULATIONS!!!ON YOUR
JOB. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.WELL BABY YOU TAKE CARE I SHOULD BE HOME
BY THURSDAY NIGHT. IF YOU WANT TO CALL ME AT NIGHT. I LOVE YOU
TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF AND CALL HOME,COLLECT. OKAY MAZZY
AND I MISS YOU AND ARE VERY PROUD OF YOU. GOD BLESS YOU,
LOVE YOU, YOUR 2-BITCHES MAZZY AND MOM.