Note: These Yugioh fanfictions/paraodies were originally posted on the CollegeConfidential forum.
Table of Contents:
A Duel With Pegasus in Feburary
A Duel With Sauron in Feburary
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A Duel With Pegasus in Feburary
By Sauronvodemort
2007
There was a time in Middle-Earth when pokemons ran freely throughout the meadows, the forests and the hills without a care, without a fear. But, not anyway more. Now, the Middle-Earth was ruled under the tyrrany of a man named Ass Ketchup. This fellow came from a village with a hummanitarian vision of collecting the wild pokemons into his bathroom. but, once in his adventures to catch pokemons, he was seduced by a mysterious pokemon called pikachu. He married the pokemon and had several children. But, ever since he had a taste of the pleasure and the bliss of the sexual qualities of the pokemon, he truned to indulgence. Pretty soon, he had slept with all the pokemons that he had caught and this unnatural sexual behaviour caused him to lose his sanity and eventually began a reign of terror in the once happy land of Middle-Earth.
But Ass's time was at an end as another great force, more greater than any in the Middle-Earth had ever seen, rose to envelop the Middle Earth. This force was Sauron the Great. This great lord first began as an ordinary boy interested in Magic. He had failed all his exams in Oxford and eventually left England for Middle-Earth. There, he met a group of people called the Monty Pythons who had great capabilites in Magic and he learned their arts and soon enough betrayed them by constructing a deck of cards that is supposely unbeatable. With this, he subjugated Middle-Earth. He had imprisoned Ass, the old tyrant, in his dungeons of Carpdur and enslaved the pokemons to build a walls and fortresses in Mordor.
Now that u have this background we are ready to embark on this incredible journey of romance, bravery, and courage. In a land called Fire, a single hobbit lived, yugi. Yugi was a talented little hobbit who was excellent in obeying his grandpa's unceasing orders on housework. one day, when he was chopping some wood, he met another hobbit named Chucky. This fellow had bright red hair, and a plastic body. Soon enough, they decided to abandon the lazy land of Fire to embark on an adventure of Magic. They built their decks and challenged many of the experts. With each duel, they improved their tactics and they became so successful in these duels that the captaincy-general of Fire became aware of them. He patronized them seeing their talent and their potential to rid the world of Sauron and his right-hand lieutenant Pegasus whom he secretely detested.
Crapdur:
eevie: My LORD, His Greatness Lord Pegasus.
sauron: Let him in!!
pegasus: My Great Lord Sauron, I have just received intelligence that a certaine two hobbits are becoming increasingly talented in the arts of dueling. Should we open a tournament to let these bastards jump in and then strangle these mice with one of my decks?
sauron: (grunts) don't waste ur deck. these mice will fall out in the first rounds. go ahead, arrange the tournament.
THE PEGASUS GRAND TOUR
At the news of the tournament, the two hobbits jumped for joy and immediately registered themselves. In the course of the Ournament, they were so successful, that they made it to the semifinals. Chucky fell out in the semi-final rounds, but Yugi made it into the Final.
Chucky: uhhh...trust in the heart the cards yugi!!
which this chucky died.
the Final round between Pegasus and Yugi
pegasus: So!! u lousy rat challenges the Lord of Gondor and Rohan and Isengaurd. The Lieutenant of Middle-Earth. well, u shalt see what becomes of those that dare to challenge the powers that be.
yugi: i only come to save the world from the tyranny of ur master. and only through the heart of the cards, i will topple his reign. no tyrant can defy the magical rules of duelling. if i beat u, i get to challenge ur old master and free the pokemons!
pegasus: haha! dream on, u silly pathetic little boy.
yugi: i bring Zodiac!!!!!!!!!!
pegasus: (falters) Ekzodiac???!! how? how? how?
yugi: u see pegasus, (his voice suddenly deepens and he enlarges magically) when u went on and on insulting me, i prayed to GOD to help me trust int he heart of the cards and here is the fruit of my modesty and diligence and faith!!
pegasus: (sneers)
yugi: (frowns)
pegasus: yugi boy, u still have much to learn. i summon THE GREAT LEVIATHAN!!!!!!!! from the depths of the ocean, from hell.
yugi: (feints) his dream his grandpa speaks: yugi, u need to trust in the heart of the cards!!! courage!! stand up to tyranny even if it means dying for it. (wakes up) thank u grandpa. than u. (he kneels and gives thanks to allah and his grandpa spirit)
pegasus: what in the hell do u think ur doing, yugi?
yugi: "rest is silence" hamlet. that is the only fitting denouement for this duel, pegasus. i summon THE EVERLASTING LIFE!!! with this my life is retored completely. in correspondence with this card, i play THE ARTAXERXES CURSE which drains ur life points to 0. and so this duel is conluded.
pegasus: noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (weeps)
yugi: momento mori is written on all tyrants peggy. everything that rises must fall, spencer said that.
(the spectators erupt in applause. people shout: "yugi my hero". all but one cheered this magnificent duel: sauron, who stood in the way back hooded and anonymous and unseen)
years later....
THE WORLD CUP CHAMPIONSHIP
the GRAND AMPHISTHEATER, which is really not an amphitheater, stood in the middle of Mordor. it was a stadium on the tops of a immense iron tower. on one end, stood a lofty figure clad in black cloak and hooded. on the other end, a small frial figure with his back toward the tall one and with his head bent.
sauron: yugi...oh yugi..
(silence)
sauron: yugi, u challenged me, i did not challenge u. what foolish boy u are, of course, what insanity u possess, i should say, since u no doubt knew i possessed the INVINCIBLE deck.
(silence)
sauron: well, i can't wait here all-day. i'm just waiting u to turn around and face me like a man.
(silence)
sauron: (hesitates) u little asshole!! i'm supposed to act drammatic!!!!!!!!!!!damn u! u glory hogger!!!
(at last yugi slowly turns)
sauon: there, there. that's a good boy. it wont be long. all u need to do is face it, all u need to do is receive the blow and all will be over. all the pain, all the worries will be over.
yugi: "all things worldly is naught, only fame passes down to history," Alexander Pope
sauron: u idiot. that's not how the quote goes. u don't know? i studied poetry at Oxford? hard to imagine, huh? me, a student. haha. that was long time ago. long time...
(yugi at last raises his head and glares across the field at sauron)
yugi: yes.......i knew.
sauron: enough of this. let us begin. i summon the red dragon purple eyes..wait a minute...red dragon white eyes.. damn it... what the heck is this card card...(looks at the ancient incriptions on his card)..yes. red dragon blue eyes! funny, these monsters are so weak, i forgot their names..(sneers)
yugi: a trap card
sauron: Zodiac and Leviathan at the same time!! and also this little charm card allows me to attack with them at this turn.
(yugi didn't even flinch. he merely tossed a card and parried the two great monsters)
sauron: ha! always so stylish...
yugi: trap card
sauron: i bring the PRISONER!!
(Ass appears on the field. yugi is suddenly distracted by this prisoner)
yugi: CELESTIAL SHOCK WAVE!
(the charm card wipes out the field of the monsters)
yugi: in addition, i play IMMENSO REPETITIO which allows me to play the former card's abilities repeatedly. then i play FOUNTAIN OF ETERNITY which prohibits any card or monsters that u play to have any affect on my life points. then i play LA COUP DE GRACE, the death blow!! and thus the duel is finished.
sauron: not so easily. LUX DOMINUS!!divine light!! this card neutralizes the duel. the status quo instituted.
yugi: LORR-
sauron: never mind ur move. i play TOUT DE SUITE TOURN which flips to my turn. and i play LEX REGINA, queen's law. which literally burns ur deck which leaves u nothing to play with. i win.
(yugi falls over from shock)
sauron: sorry m-boy. adios amigo.
(yugi stretches his arm out.)
yugi: not yet!!
(he reaches his pocket and brings out a card)
yugi: i have one more card....
sauron: what??
yugi: (talks to himself) i must trust in the heart of this one card....i play IAMSEXY !!!
sauron: what the heck.
yugi: this card allows anyone whose british to lose the duel. by-bye, u silly englishman. u see, sauron, i had something that u didn't. love. i had love. this beau- (yugi trips over a twig and falls over the stadium and dies)
the end.
A Duel With Sauron in Feburary
By Sauronvoldemort and Charizardpal
2007
yu-gi: grandpa!! are u okay. ur bleeding!
grandpa: uhh..huh.. i'm okay..just..barely... listen to me yu-gi. in order to succeed in life,...u gotta...trust in the heart of the cards (tears role down his face)
yu-gi: how? cards don't have a heart! their just plain paper material!!
grandpa: u idiot....the Dark Lord can only....be defeated-(dies)
yu-gi: grandpa!! (weeps)
(a gush of wind sweeps the environs.)
sauron: alright, yu-gi boy, where is my millinium puzzle?
yu-gi: i'm so sorry My Lord, i know not this thing that u speak of.
sauron: TELL THE TRUTH!! where is it!
(to be continued)
(Yugi struggles to reply and sauron floats menacingly toward him.)
sauron: "Answer me! Did you or did you not put the millenium puzzle in the refrigerator?
yugi: (crying) I'm sorry!
Sauron: It's okay. Stop crying kid...Here you can play with this crystal ball for a while. (Yugi smiles) See? Much better, now think carefully. Which drawer did you put the millenium puzle in when you placed it in the refrigerator?
yugi: (doesn't reply-he's totally intent on staring into the ball)
(A secound passes. Sauron starts muttering in a latin and his eye flashes red, but as he stares at yugi his eyes soften and he decides to try reasoning with the kid again.)
sauron: ....We all do bad things when we get confused yugi, mistakes are nothing to be ashamed of. I was young once too and there was this incident with my eye...but Alas! I'm losing myself. The point is if you can remember exactly where you put the millenium puzzle then I'll make sure you don't get into too much trouble when I ask your parents to punish you. So tell me, where is it?
*Two secounds pass and Sauron loses his patience* Answer me kid!
yugi: I don't know!
Sauron: (*raises his staff and starts to walk away*) Well then, I'll just have to go and have talk with your parents.
yugi: I don't have any parents.
Sauron: Lying brat! I've wasted enough time on you! (*His eyes flash red with an electric current*)
To be continued
yu-gi: (his voice suddely deepens and his stature enlarges) the only way to get the milinium puzzle is by challenging me to a duel, sauron.
(yugi turns his back)
sauron: alright yugi boy, i've just about had enough of ur crap. give me the puzzle and i'll go away. no consequences! just give IT TO ME!
(yu-gi sighs deeply)
yugi: centuries passed away, oceans endlessly clashed on the million formations and mouldings of the shores, the birds and animals have mindlessly driven forth, mankind had strayed to and fro over this globe and yet no man had yet conceived the greatness of me.
sauon: that doesn't even make any sense.
(yugi blushes, but quickly recovers his pretended composure)
sauron: enough of ur drammatic crap. let's DUEL!!!!! u've unwittingly challenged the INVINCIBLE LAND OF MORDOR deck!!
(yugi is uneasy)
yugi: my lord, please forgive me, what have i done. listen.
(to be continued)
(sauron begins gloating over his deck)
Sauron: I have spent centuries perfecting my undefeatable deck from the my tower in Mordor. After all, even evil villians need a way to pass the time when we don't have screen-time. You have no chance to survive against my deck of orcs, magical friends and hobbits. You might as well just give up and concede defeat so that you can return home and do what you're best at: befriending minor characters and then tricking them into giving you their most treasured pocessions.
yugi: (considers this in his Mikey Mouse voice) Hmmm...Maybe he's right....I could leave and be at home stealing Grandpa's rare antiquities and selling them on Ebay.
yami: (speaking from inside the millenium puzzle) You can't seriously be thinking about forfeiting? I may not even know my name, but I do know that quitters are losers. Do you remember what Richard I said before he died?
yugi: Not really. I don't have time to waste studying history if I'm going to collect all the Millenium Items to auction off to the highest bidder. But did have ever watch Toonami? Let me tell you what Haku said before he died-
yami: Enough nonsense. Just start the duel!
yugi: Nah...I don't feel like it. I think I'll just daydream about the dark magician girl and let you play it for me.
yami: (ticked) I am tired of pampering you! You WILL play it, or I'll send you on a vacation to the shadow realm!
yugi: (excited) Really? And can Joey come too?
yami: (speaking aloud) Why do I have to be stuck in the body of a teenager with the intellect of a toddler?
*Flashback to yami's days at as a child pharoh. Yami remembers tearing fresh papyrus into chad, beating his servants and drawing pictures over the General's battle maps. (Yami starts to think about the time he felt up an statue but a rumbling thunder brings his mind back to the duel.)
Sauron: *eye rolls restlessly* Just give up! There is no reason for us to fight. I am actually a pacifist. Tolkien's son only made me only seem bad by writing an analysis deducing that I practice communism. We should all just sit around the fires of Mount Doom so we can tell stories and be friends.
Yugi: That sounds good-
Yami: -No! I have a faulty long-term memory and no reason to make new friends. Especially with you, flaming fart-face. The only thing you're good at is is playing football! *Eye flashes*
Yugi: (flatly) Its over. I'll never get to solve another arithmatic problem...
(*Sauron gets ready by pulling out a calculator*)
Yami: (*Grinning and staring at his glove*) No...I think we're just getting started. *Fake shuffles the deck, while he sliding the five pieces of exodia under his shirt cuffs*
(To be continued)
sauron: (magically brings out his deck) Behold! the INVINCIBLE DECK OF XERCIXENOBIA!!
yugi: u wretched slave of ur passions! do u really think ur little deck of urs scare me?
sauron: HA HA HA how- (pauses for couple seconds) i haven't got a thing to say.. **** it.
yugi: sauron, lives had been lost because of u inability to recognize their point of view in life. that there is something much more powerful than power has never entered ur mind
sauron: I-...damn u. i still haven't got a thing to say.
yugi: since u are behaving like this, sauron, u leave me no choice. i shalt have to beat u to teach u a lesson.
(a gush of wind sweeps by sauron and the deck of cards that was on his hands fly away)
yugi: (as the cards disperse in slow motion, yu-gi concentrates on identifying these cards) hmmm...
sauron: oh no!! my cards!!!!!!
(yugi swiftly runs over and collects them all.)
yugi: (flings his own deck to sauron as he reshuffles the cards he had caught)let us duel sauron. on equal grounds shall we. u're the most shameful bully in history icking on kids my size.
sauron: noooooooo!! give me back my deck!!!!!(weeps) please!!please!!!!!! yu-gi. give it to me please!!! ahhhhh
yugi: ha ha!! now i am the Dark Lord. i have the invincible deck. no one can challenge me!!
yami: u fool! how stupid of u. u came here to destroy the deck and instead ur enslaved by it!!
(to be continued)
Yami-yugi: (still flaunting) Sauron! You can have my useless deck! I
l'll just use yours and this duel will be mine...(*Sauron dives into a trapdoor hidden beneath a pool table*) and wait a minute, where did he go?
(*Yugi's friends bust in*)
Yugi's friends: We're here to give you support and encourage to do your best because with the power of friendship you can overcome everything!
Yami: What exactly is this 'power of friendship?'
Joey: Friendship is when a bully beats you to a bloody pulp and nonchalantly takes your lunch money and most treasured possesion but you forgive him anyway.
Tea: Friendship is pretending to be friends with someone you loath while you using him to flirt with someone else.
Tristan: Friendship is sticking together and never befrieding anyone outside of a card-games cliche that ignores you.
Bakura: Friendship is spending life-changing moments with someone and then utterly forgeting about him.
Yami: So what exactly is the use of this friendship thing again?
Yugi: Don't you remember? It allows us to cheat at card games. *Flashback of Bakura standing behind Captain America and using sign language to communicate his hand to Yugi.
Kaiba: That'll be $50 bucks Yugi.*
Yami: Oh, it's like when my father forced two men to battle to the death for his own amusement, but afterwards gave the famillies financial settlement.
Yugi: And that's what friendship is all about.
Tea: Come on guys! Lets go find Sauron and force him to sing songs for us! (They all separate and get lost. Only Bakura stays and waits until everyone leaves before he enters the trapdoor.)
Bakura: (*putting on the Millenium Ring*) My precious...
*Scene cuts to a Sauron weeping in front of a pin-up poster*
Sauron: I'm sorry that I couldn't bring you back from the dead my love...whatever your name was. If I had only managed to imprison a few more souls I could have done it. Your death was so tragic...If only I had cooked that chicken...
Evil Bakura: Well well, it seems someone couldn't handle losing at a card game.
Sauron: I can't believe it! How did you know that I was hiding in the basement?
Evil Bakura: I heard you sobbing through the floor.
Sauron: Forbidden witchcraft!
Evil Bakura: ...Yes, now onto business. I'm here to take your most treasured possesion.
Sauron: (*pounces protectively over a stack of pin-up posters* You wouldn't dare disobey the 8th commandment!
Evil Bakura: That's just how evil I am...but relax, I'm not after your magazines. No, actually I'm here to take your secound most treasured possesion.
Sauron: My designer clothing?
Evil Bakura: No, your third most treasured possesion-
Sauron: My army?
Evil Bakura: No...Apparantly I'm after your fourth most treasured...-
Sauron: Not my soul?
Evil Bakura: No! None of those! I'm after your eye!
Sauron: But you can't take my eye! I only have one eye, and without it I won't be able to see. Besides, you're only born with two eyes. What good would it do you.
Evil Bakura: Don't you know that I'm a sadistic white-haired british boy who delights in watching powerful lords run blindly around palaces?
Sauron: You truely are evil.
Evil Bakura: Yes, and now I will fortell your fate. You will never be able to read a porno magazine again!
*Evil Bakura draws a stapler and creeps closer*
Sauron: No...I won't let you! You can't! (*Sauron is cornered*) Stay back! *A grandfather clock strikes 4*
Evil Bakura: Yes! It's tea time! *Pulls out several tea bags, thermostase, and sits down to mix tea, totally oblivious of Sauron.*
Sauron: *Taking the stapler from Bakura* Possessed British...
*Sauron carefully creeps past Bakura and exits the trap door. He exits and locks the door*
Sauron: That should keep him for a while...Now to escape this island and Yugi's friends...*he looks up and realizes Yugi's friends are around him*
Yami: I've got you now Sauron! Are you prepared to grovel like a dog?
Sauron: What in the name of sorcery! Bakura is a reclusive loner who never tells his friends about dangers. How could you have know I was hiding here?
Tea: Well we all got lost and we decided to regroup here.
Yugi: You quit a card game and destroyed my chance to gloat and show off and stoke my ego. It's time to pay you back for the sins you have commited! *Yugi lifts a hand menacingly; Sauron prepares to defend himself with his stapler*
To be continued or Das Ende?