Today Zaph is faced with a difficult dilemna (as all dilemnas tend to be!), lets see how he helps Potty Fingers....
Dear Agony Uncle Zaph
I have this problem which Im hoping you will be able to help me with. You see Im not the best looking guy around so I have to resort to other means to qwell my amazing sexual appetite. Sheep Shagging is my game. The problem is this, I live in Cork. We have plenty of sheep down here, dont get me wrong, but they are sometimes less than responsive to my approaches. This is where my problem lies. I lay in waiting in the local paddock waiting for a fine sexy specimen to wander by and then i come out of the bushes with my 'weapon' in my hand and I run right up behind the unsuspecting sheep. But, and this always happens to me! just a I get there and lay my velcro gloves firmly oh its backside, it bolts, leaving me standing there, trousers around my ankles, lust in my loins, a need in my gut and a terrible horn on me. Here's the question I have for you Zaph.
How do I get my gloves back?
Yours in patient anticipation
Pottyfingers.
Zaph took his time to mull this particular one over, and his advice is outlined below:
Dear Potty Fingers,
Ive spent some time thinking about your problem, its been on my mind quite a bit. Ive finally come up with a solution which I believe will help you. Being from Cork Im sure that you are probably aware of your body odour issues, isnt everyone in that end of the country? You shouldnt feel bad about it though, its inherent in all members of that county. Easily solved I might add by moving county, although believe me when I tell you that you should also avoid, Cavan, Sligo and Mayo, (Equally bad in the B O department).
Anyways I digress, back to dealing with your issues, I believe the problem of losing the gloves may be easily avoided by strapping them on with some duct tape. Far more important I believe is the problem of you frightening away even the sheep. What chance will you ever stand with a female if even the sheep scamper away from you? On this note I believe the problem is probably down to your aftershave, Ive been told about a particular brand which is very popular in Cork, called Ewe de Toilet I believe? Have you been splashing it on in copious amounts before going sheep hunting? Im no expert in this area but I do believe that if you stop sprinkling yourself with this foully odorous liquid that you may have more luck in your sheep shagging department and maybe even become an expert in your own field! I hope this helps you, although I must admit I am a tad concerned about your reference to a "fine sexy specimen" but this is an issue that would take up way too much of my time.
Yours in disgust
Uncle Zaph.
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