A difficult problem for a lot of people, on the 15th March 2002, K***** wrote to agony Zaph with the following dilemna:
Dear agony zaph,
My name is k***** and I live in ireland.
I have a problem I am hoping you can help me with.
I have an unsatiable sexual appetite for the guy I am in love with, and I am wondering if this is normal? Infact, I am finding that every time I see him, I can't keep my hands off him and find myself dreaming about sexual adventures with him when I am supposed to be working. Is this normal?? Can I be cured?? Do I want to be cured??
Please deal with this discreetly and dont' laugh too much.
I look forward to your hasty reply, before I find myself juicing myself over him again.
Zaph Helps Out by replying:
Dear juicer
Immediately upon reading your letter I jumped to a wrong conclusion as to what your problem may actually be. But Im glad to say that upon re-reading it(as any professional would do) I realised that your problems all stem back to your lack of a proper first name. I mean what sort of a start in life is it if your parents continually call you K star star star star star? A pretty bad one I should think, so from now on you can feel safe in the knowledge that none of your problems are your own fault and can all be dealt with by simply changing your name by de-poll. As for the other small problem you mention, I believe what you should do is give up work and become his sex slave, tend to his every desire, never say no to him, never take your hands off him and do everything he asks of you. I believe that if you follow these simple steps you will no longer have a problem. Failing that get yourself the largest vibro you can find to entertain yourself while he's out.
Your sympathetically
Agony Uncle Zaph.
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