Just Rambling...
Midi playing... It's Been a While by Staind
Something's missing. Something's missing in my life. Passion seems to be gone. Adolescent dreams of romance sometimes cloud my vision of reality. Pipe dreams of the kind of passionate love that lasts forever. When usually, when the "new wears off" so does the passion. I pray it's not like that for everyone. I hope that there are still couples together for 50 years that still have the hots for each other. Would be nice. With me I'm trying to find other passions. A renewed passion for writing, that I haven't had in years is coming back, thanks to an unknowing stranger, who prodded my brain. But that doesn't bring back the passion I'm longing for. I don't want to go back to being numb again, though numb can be good sometimes. I was numb for the past 5 years, and it kept me alive. Now I hurt again, and I long again, and I dream of a more passionate life. I think I'd rather hurt, than be numb. When I was numb I was just going through the motions. Rarely was my passionate side sparked. I only wrote about 3 poems in 5 years, and have written about 30 in the past 2 weeks. I was so @#$%ing confused I couldn't even tell you what I wanted to do "when I grow up". When I grow up, still wondering when that's going to happen, or has it, and it just wasn't what I expected. Maybe I'm there and just don't know it. I still find myself asking the "What If's" What if I had not gotten married the first time. What if I had finished school on time. What if I had gotten the degree in Marine Bio. Would I be on that boat off the Great Barrier Reef I always dreamed of? Chasing Great Whites? What if my Daddy was still here, and Ben. Would they be proud of me now, or would I have just disappointed them too? What if I could have helped Rae Anna before she died. Why didn't she listen to me? Would she still be here if she would have? What would I have said to her, if the last time I talked to her, I knew it would have been the last? Would it have saved her? Did these precious people in my life know how much I loved them? Do the ones still close to me know now? So, to my family and friends, To those who have touched my life, and may never ever know how much, Know that I love you all. And if I die on my way to work tonight, and tomorrow never comes, Know that you made a difference in my life, and I hope I made one in yours. All I ask, of those that are close to me, is if for some freak reason, I don't get to accomplish all that I have now set out to do, Don't forget these kids I've recently devoted my life to. Your time is worth more than your money to them, But they're not going to tell you that :) Try to love one another, and don't forget me.
Vanilla He is vanilla ice cream. Consistent, stable, you always know what you're going to get. When we met, I needed vanilla. I needed the stability of vanilla. I needed to know, that when I took a bite, there would be no surprises. I had already had too many surprises in life. I needed the calm, soothing taste of vanilla. Vanilla can be dull though. You can always add chocolate or nuts to vanilla, But underneath it all, it's still just vanilla. Sometimes I crave Rocky Road. The inconsistent texture. A mouthful of surprise in every bite. A big change from vanilla. Not just covering vanilla with chocolate. Should I feel guilty for wanting something other than vanilla, When I have plenty of vanilla waiting for me in the freezer? Should I just eat the vanilla, even when I'm craving Rocky Road? If I always had Rocky Road, would I start longing for vanilla again? Would I even want to have Rocky Road permanently? I still love vanilla, but I'll always have a desire for Rocky Road. Charlene Metzger, 2003
"Just be glad you're not alone," he said. How many times have I heard that? If two people share the same space, But do not share the same dreams, Are they really in each other's company? If these two people have such different views, That it makes them hate each other sometimes, Are they really together? If two people live under the same roof, But have no chemistry, no passion, no fire, Are they any better being there, than being alone? If they are there out of comfort, or some other twisted means, And they are aware of that, but don't know where to go, Do they stick it out both hoping the other will change, Do they give up trying, waiting to the inevitable to happen? Do they keep hoping that their love will be enough, Even if it's not a romantic love anymore? "Just be glad you're not alone," he said� Charlene Metzger 2003
