| Lord,, I have so blown it again. When it comes to important things like this last one - thinking of my mother on her birthday while I'm with Linde in Oakhurst and together calling her to wish her a happy one, which I did not do - I disappoint Linde, which is the worst thing, not to mention my mom and myself. What is wrong with me? I am so in love with this wonderful woman and I feel so at home with her that my mind does not wander as it does when we're apart. It is focused on her and what we are doing. I give not a thought to others when I am with her. When we're apart, though she is with me all of the time in my head and heart, I know she is busy with the daily joys and burdens of life as am I and there is some room for others. Why do I slip so? Why do I let brief but important family matters slip by so? I love it when Linde is with me and my sister and mother and the boys. We both feel good about it - family getting together and getting closer. It warms the soul. then I fail us by not sharing a moment on my mom's birthday. I feel so low, Lord. What can I do? What do I do? It is an event like this, so basic in its essence - rooted at the heartsource - that, when missed, seem to lead her away from me and that is unbearably painful. What is wrong with me? Am I that selfish, is that it ? Why is family not as vital to me as to others? Am I a social misfit? Over the years I have so often felt like I don't belong - until Linde. I feel at home with her, wherever we are. There is something about us that works, deep down. Help me, Lord - bear with me. |