It's coming up on my 23rd birthday in two weeks from today. This slight revelation isn't necessarily met with the dread of usual birthdays. My 22nd year was actually one of the more progressive years to date. Of course I could have made more out of it, but considering how far Iv'e come I'm quite content with where I am today. In fact, I really pissed away the first 6 months of my year stirring in my own self pity, and self imposed self realizations that I wasn't doing anything decent with my life. But I tried to turn everything around the second half. I started doing better in school, and improving with music. I forced myself to start writing songs and in the past couple months Iv'e started writing as a hobby. Of course I have much to improve on, but its encouraging to know that I'm trying to make good on some of my dreams and goals. To top things off, I feel like Im' becoming more mature and wise, learning self control and practicing self preservation. I'm a more positive, upbeat, happier person than I've been in recent years.
Today is my 23nd birthday and I'm happy to come out of my 22nd year where I'm at. The end of the year provided some changes, some ups and downs, and some questions for the future. It looks like this next year could be my preparation year for making the big leap to something good. In the meantime, I really need to strive with writing and music now and make a push towards getting my stuff out. I think this will be my make or break year. I'm positive, but there are things to worry about. Finances, grades, personal issues, relationships, car, etc. This is the time in my life that I need to be the strongest, to really be ambitious and hard working. I think someday I could actually be quite the catch. Someday.
Michael Jackson was just arrested for molestation. Big surprise. It is JFKs' 40th assassination anniversary. Quite the jovial holiday. Meanwhile, society continues at breakneck speed certain apocalyptic doom. Mainstream culture seems to be falling apart. The rapture came an d no one noticed. No one was saved. I'm one more year closer to death, and one more year behind on my goals. One more year closer to eventual marriage, mortgage, kids, divorce, retirement, death and dismemberment. Everyone around me is getting married and having kids.
I've recently joined the land of the bored and unlaid of Ralphs bar, which is a staple for local bohemians and post-artistic types. It's the kind of place where jocks and rednecks come to pick a fight. Everyone is family there, and I'm slowly meeting and making more friends.
At the current time, I am making some new friends, Garth being the primary source for my newfound relationships. I've been writing for my website, which longevity has yet to be determined. I've written 8 songs and I'm practicing guitar at least an hour a day, and singing from 1-3 hours a day. My hair is getting longer and starting to get past the awkward medium stage. I'm broke because I wasted my disbursement money. I still have a lot to learn. I need to take better care of myself and learn some will power. I need to keep reading and sticking with my studies. Im' pretty happy with myself right now, but it's the external things that can bring everything to a crashing halt. I need to sort things out with myself sexually and spiritually. I need to stop judging others. A good person treats the people that he cannot gain from, decent. I need to keep piecing together the past, and finding solutions for the future. I also need to be more fiscally responsible. I need to start writing lyrics. Invest in music equipment. I need to get my teeth fixed.
I'm at a perplexing time in my life. Everything appears to be in a dichotomy. Iv'e been so happy and pleased with the things around me. At the same time, I've been over passionate and the things I tune myself into weigh on my heart heavily. I've become hypersensitive, but I'm enjoying it to a certain degree, because I feel more. Things have been going great for me with interpersonal issues. However, this is offset by certain external circumstances that could bring painstaking setbacks. My future looks very bleak and promising at the same time.
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