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| Sex Ed | ||
| Jessica, my sister, and I were not allowed to attend sexual education classes in elementary school. While our classmates were cattled off to the gymnasium to learn about nocturnal emissions, boners, and fur in new places, a handful of us unfortunate ones were stuck in a classroom with crossword puzzles for an hour. We, the unfortunately uneducated, were doomed to learn these sexual discoveries on our own. My only concern at the time was the alienation from my peers, and the inevitable teasing that would follow from the cool kids. While the other kids were learning about humping and menstrual cycles, I wouldn't find out what a vagina was until the 7th grade, not to mention sexual intercourse (err..I don't think I've grasped that concept, yet). | ||
| Starting in the third grade my sister and I were allowed to hang out at the roller skating rink with our friends. Might I mention that this was at the pinnacle of the neon clothing fad. What our parents didn't know was that we went to hook up with our significant others. This usually involved holding hands while skating and making out in the corner where the creepy rink manager couldn't see us. This went on until the 6th grade. My sister and I, despite our deep seeded hatred for each other, shared a common bond in subverting the parental units. | ||
| Once we entered the 6th grade, we were allowed (by age- not by parental guidance) to attend the dances that the school sanctioned at the rink. On one unfortunate occasion, my mother walked in during a dance and ordered us out. Spankings were in session and I was sentenced to doing dishes for a week. The horror was far from over. That following weekend, Jessica and I had to attend a seminar sponsored by local churches for kids in danger of having sex. It was the most confusing, boring thing imaginable for a 12 year old. For endless hours we listened to a panel of speakers talk about the evils of sex. There were tearful confessions from a panel of victims that had engaged in pre-marital sex and asked God for born-again virgin status. Followed by punch and pie. Five long hours of abstinence fueled, Christian propaganda. I never wanted to have sex, whatever the hell it was. | ||