I have been sitting alone in Allison's living room while she blissfully surfs the internet, unaware that this would be the last time I spend the night. Not that I have been blessed with such foresight, but I can tell our time is running out. Things haven't been very well lately, and I seem powerless to make things better. It wasn't always like this. We used to have fun and make each other laugh constantly. She was perfect for me and she treated me great. We'd stay up all night and walk to the Memorial Union for breakfast when we lived in the dorms. We'd go to shows together, or I'd sneak her into the bars. And we'd play with our cats Milton and Ida and make stupid cat jokes.
But time changes everything. People change, feelings change. It's hard to understand, but life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to.
There is a PBS special on right now about the end of World War II to help commemorate the 61st anniversary of the nuclear bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Though there is much debate on this broadcast over the necessity of the bombings, it is certain that the events that were of the most horrific nature. Enola Gay, the infamous US bomber left the harbor of Marina Islands on a 12 hour mission, dropping a 5 ton bomb over the city of 350,000. The bomb exploded 1,900 feet above ground (to incite maximum damage), sending a mushroom cloud 8 miles up into the stratosphere. Sixty-six thousand people were incinerated in a flash in Hiroshima, Japan on Aug 6, 1945, covering a radius of 1 � miles. Another 74,000 innocent civilians would succumb to the affects of radiation, severe burns, or poisoned water. Japanese officials remained undeterred by the bomb and threats of future attacks by the US government. Only three days later, President Truman ordered the 2nd nuclear bomb to be dropped on the unsuspecting citizens of Kokura. Due to cloud coverage, the bombing was diverted to the southwest harbor city of Nagasaki. On Aug 9, 1945, 73,000 people died in the immediate blast, while another 75,000 would die from bomb-related complications. Remarkably a third bomb was set to deploy and dropped over Tokyo when Japanese officials finally agreed with the terms of surrender and eventually signed a peace treaty.
The broadcast went on to present a piece about the survivors of the bombing. People that had been burned, injured, or those who had lost loved ones. The elderly people being interviewed recanted their own stories of survival and pain, offering some insight into the obvious trauma they've had to deal with their whole lives. Some of them break down crying, explaining how their lives were altered forever, their families destroyed, their spirits tainted.
* * *
Two winters ago I was living in Stockbridge and toughing out the harsh winter. I drifted back in forth from my room to class to the RDC and back. I was in a new town and short on friends, and quite frankly, going through a rough time. Once Christmas vacation passed, I went a little batty. I think the guys in the dorm were getting to me, as well as just not hanging out with other people. I wasn't feeling too good about myself either. I hung out with this girl and she seemed pretty cool, and I fell for her right away. We hung out a couple more times, but I just didn't think she was interested in me in that way. After a couple of days of no results, I finally gave up on it. Pretty much just gave up on everything else, too. And that evening I was really at this low point that I hadn't been at before. I was on the internet, and this girl I knew told me that the girl that I wanted liked me as well. She encouraged me to ask her out, and so I frantically picked up the phone and dialed her number. And things turned around for me, just like that. Absolutely 180 degrees. And I always wonder what would've happened if we had never met.
* * *
The surviving victims of the atomic bomb have a lot in common with children that are sexually abused, or those who end up in the unfortunate position of accidentally taking another's life. It's been my fascination not about how someone's life is dramatically altered, but how they learn to cope and move on with their lives after a traumatic experience.
Today I read in the paper about a woman from Devil's Lake who was brutally raped. Left to die in the middle of the night on a country road, she walked a mile to a farmstead, covered in blood and in shock. She was hospitalized and even required surgery twice to repair her physical wounds. The incident sent shockwaves throughout the community, and now the young lady rests at home in the care of her loving family, trying to heal from the emotional trauma of this horrendous event.
Another story out of Ohio in the same paper details how a 6 year old girl found her father's loaded handgun, and accidentally shot and killed her 2 year old brother.
These are stories that happen to people everyday. But when the press is gone and the dust settles, the story is never really over. What will happen to that little girl who shot her brother? It will be something that she'll be forced to deal with for the rest of her life. She could become a successful person, start a family, or become a well-adjusted person, but she'll always have that one issue to deal with. She'll be the girl who shot her brother.
And the rape victim, who's well-being and livelihood stripped away from her, may very well spend the rest of her life living down that event, always recovering, always moving on.
And to the surviving victims in Japan, physically and emotionally scarred for life, cast from Japanese society, and left to relive that infamous day forever. How does one move on from these horrific incidents? It doesn't matter how common or trivial the trauma. Certain bad things happen and we're forced to change. Because there isn't any other choice.
I turn off the television and make my way into Allison's bedroom. She is sleeping, so I crawl into bed with her and pull her close. I tuck my face into the back of her neck and kiss her shoulder. She grabs my hand my pulls my arm around her side and holds my hand to her chest. As much as the future is uncertain, I am here now, safe and sound.