(transferred from handwritten to typed'my penmanship has gone to shit)
10:45 pm
It's a Friday night and I'm at Perkins. By not being at home, I've again successfully avoided feeling like a complete loser. I went to Nick's house damn well knowing that he wasn't there and I act surprised when Erin (his roommate) tells me that he's out of town this weekend. I collect my sixer out of the fridge, bs a little, and here I am now. My teeth hurt so I'm drinking my coffee through a straw. I'm getting dorkier by the minute. Where else could I be right now? At a bar? As appealing as it sounds, being intoxicated would be the worst thing I could do right now. The waitress spots me with a Bret Easton Ellis book. She's a fan. We talk books/film. She's hot. This Bee Gee's song is playing and I feel nostalgic for some reason. Christ, I don't know why I haven't noticed it before but this place is goth central tonight. Everyone is dressed in black like Johnny Cash. Speaking of which, he passed away today. Rest in peace Johnny. Anyhow, I;m surrounded by arm socks, facial piercings, bondage gear, black nails, and faces covered in white base with black lipstick. It;s something straight out of a Marilyn Manson video. What strikes me odd is that none of them seem sad.
11:05 pm
I'm back from a bathroom break and on my way to the restroom, I bump into the lead singer of Society 1 and the connoisseur of Backstage Sluts, a series of porn videos (that I've never seen, I promise!). I only knew it was him because I've seen him on tv countless times, hawking his dumb band and hobby of exploiting women. I've never had a brush with any type of celebrity before, but something tells me this doesn't count. Although he was surrounded by an entourage of gangster looking goths, I awkwardly approached him anyway and say "Hey, you're that lead singer of Society 1 and you do porn, right?" He looks bored out of his mind and asks if I went to the show. "No, I don't like Twiztid (or your band)". "Well, come check us out next time." He says out of routine. Sure. I make way to the bathroom where a couple Goths are getting high in the stall. I sit back down at my table feeling like a total tool.
Society 1 is a goth/industrial band that made their way through the club scene by the darkside of Hollywood. They're a mix between Manson and Korn and they suck as much as the comparisons. They've actually made their way pretty far up the chain in the post-alternative scene. On the side, the lead singer (we'll call him Ned) finds willing girls to go backstage after gigs; orgies ensue, and it's all filmed for his videos. It's probably something like Girls Gone Wild. Other rockstars you're more familiar with make cameos. Seeing these people sit and eat in front of me, they don't look like supreme beings that rockstars are probably supposed to look like. Goth fans dressed like the Crow rotate in to talk to Ned, taking home a part of his aura. He tries to make everyone around him feel important, but only succeeds in looking insincere and self absorbed. Now I feel stupid for talking to him, but hey, this wouldn't be a story if I hadn't, right?
11:20 pm
Now Ned and some tall, scrawny (hot) goth chick get up and head towards the exit. She's bouncing up and down like she just won the lottery, as she follows him out the door.
11:35 pm
A business-major-looking-blond has sat down with the other members. She's asks one guy to suck her toes. He does. She asks what band they're in. They say Chevelle. She squeals. This guy with a fro tells her how beautiful she is. I hear them ask her to come to the van with them. She smiles. They leave. Ned is still gone. The check still sits on the table. These ugly bastards are probably going to gangbang this girl just cos they're in a band! Her parents would be so proud, aspiring to be the next star of Backstage Sluts. How come I'm surprised? This is the rock n' roll way, right? Hell, I've even seen crust-punk bands take normal looking college girls home (or to their motel rooms). Dear God.
Why do girls fuck guys just because they're in a band, or have some notoriety? Like I said, this doesn't just happen with rockstars. A lot of bands start just to score chicks, and band whores exist in every town. Is this fundamentally wrong? If I was in a band, and had good looks, would I take advantage of the situation? I really don't know, and it would be hard to turn down a proposition. I'm not Ian McKaye or anything close. I suppose there is a separation between someone's band obligations, and their sex life. But it seems a little shady to opportunistically have sex with someone because of a self imposed title. I'm seriously not trying to be pompus, what would I do? WWJD? WWWDillinger4D?
In keeping with the theme of musician's egos too big for their own good, I'm reminded of the band Koufax. We were supposed to do a show with Koufax (vagrant records) earlier this summer in Bismarck. Things were going smooth despite the $600 demand upfront. The kid putting on the show agreed, but found himself in a tight financial situation. This show is supposed to take place in the basement of a shitty bar, mind you. Anyhow, Koufax eventually started making outrageous demands, such as special catering, 2 cases of Heineken (in bottles), two bedrooms at a 5 star hotel, carry their shit in, etc. They wanted the red carpet treatment from a place where gutterpunks migrate to share 40's, and God knows what else. These guys even demanded that the promoters set out beer on stage for them before they go on, specifying that the bottles be already opened. The promoter passed on the gig. For christsakes! Koufax, you are not Mariah Carey, okay? Since that time, I've been trying to figure out why a band like this would make such lavish demands. Perhaps that's why they're on Vagrant. Still, taking ones self that serious, and being that audacious is almost comical. People like that are out of touch with the audience and the scene. No one wants to support assholes.
Damn, the hand/arm combination is getting sore. I have this pinched nerve in my arm and it makes my arm hurt when writing too long. Some of the Goths are getting bored and a now harassing other customers. An older couple looks concerned, or confused. They're throwing food, the Goths, not the old people. What makes a goth? Is it the need for attention? An excuse to exercise apathy? Is it the need to exhibit their sadness and disenfranchisement on a public forum? I've known some Goths over the years, mostly when I was in high school, and I can't figure them out. Growing up in a really small town, the hostile atmosphere forced all of the punks, Goths, gangster wannabes, and stoners to band together to ease our alienation. Refer to Junktown #3 for a more elaborate take on the issue. Anyhow, most of the Goths I knew didn't really have any outlets, except for D&D, and Ozzfest, which really doesn't count. Basically I felt that they just dressed a certain way as a barrier to impose between them and society. Unfortunately that fashion statement wasn't followed up with anything else from them. They eventually exhausted themselves with their fashion and gave way to more sociable wardrobes. I dunno, perhaps I just don,t get it.The only thing that seemed to be different from my gothic peers and I (besides fashion), were ideologies. Perhaps that is why I felt such a passion to engulf myself into the punk scene, and did. Weston and I went to shows on weekends, played in some worthless garage band, bought and attempted to write zines, kept up to date on the community gossip, put on shows (later on), etc. Despite the preference in music, I loved the idea that I could be connected to a universal movement and choose how much I would include myself in that. I feel that the punk scene at least provides participatory outlets for anyone willing to become apart to the community. What did the goth kids around me have? Not much.
I suppose its time to make a point out of all of this rambling. My point being: 1. Rockstars need a reality check. No one gets to where they're going on their own. This should be humbling. And also, using band status to get laid, as tempting as it is, is questionable. Unfortunately I came to no resolve. 2. Koufax is not Mariah Carey. 3. We all probably take for granted of how the underground /independent music network provides us with a connection to something greater than ourselves, and something positive and progressive. The F/M scene might not be that great right now, but if everyone keeps going to shows, supporting local bands, and finding other ways to get involved, F/M can be something worthwhile.
12:30 pm
All the Goths are starting to clear out and the other customers can now enjoy the rest of their meals without incident. I spose I better get my ass home and do some homework. I don't have any money to pay for the coffee, and I feel bad not leaving a tip to my hot waitress, but I'll just leave my ticket on Society 1's table. They can take care of it when they get back. Over and out.