\"You only work 45 hours a week? That's nothing, Channing. You don't know what real work is." She says, as my knuckles turn white.
"Should I stay somewhere I'm unhappy, just to avoid being robbed...by big, scary black men?" I retort.
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| Goddamnit | |||||||||||||||
| I used the word "nigger" until the 10th grade. Not that I was even racist, but because I was ignorant and didn't care to understand the implications of the word. Because I was white-trash and living in rural Wyoming where people condone racism in certain ways. The only black people I saw were on TV and the nightly news. The insinuations were endless. | |||||||||||||||
| I call my sister up and she only wants to talk about herself. Her terrible job, her tragic life, her baby and all of its silly, banal behavior. \"You only work 45 hours a week? That's nothing, Channing. You don't know what real work is." She says, as my knuckles turn white. |
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| "I'm really considering moving to Denver. Probably before the New Year, I'm not sure." I tell her, sounding optimistic. | |||||||||||||||
| "Why would you want to move there?" she asked. | |||||||||||||||
| "Well, because I... | |||||||||||||||
| "All there is in Denver is a bunch of niggers." She says. | |||||||||||||||
| Come again? The word "nigger" lit up in giant, Vegas-style neon lights in my head. | |||||||||||||||
| N-I-G-G-E-R. | |||||||||||||||
| "Wait, did you actually just say niggers?" I already know the answer to the question. The question wasn't if she had said it, but if she meant it. And she did. She always had. | |||||||||||||||
| "What? Did I offend you by saying nigger?" She scoffed. | |||||||||||||||
| She did. Because she expected me to agree with her sentiment. Like I would exclaim in a thick southern-drawl- "There's niggers in Denver?!?! Fuck that, I ain't leavin' Fargo." | |||||||||||||||
| I'm not in 10th grade anymore. | |||||||||||||||
| How does racism exist in America during these post-modern times, you may ask? Courtesy of my racist family, that's how. And how do you confront racism, sexism, homophobia, and even conservatism when it runs in the bloodline? Is their hate grounded on experience, or a lack of understanding? People have a tendency to have negative feelings towards something they don't understand. How do I show them that their beliefs are inaccurate generalizations? I've found that discussion hasn't worked in the past. I've often considered coming home with a black girlfriend or boyfriend just to piss them off. | |||||||||||||||
| Goddammit. What can a guy do? | |||||||||||||||
| "Denver is full of crime." Jessica pleads, trying to sound like she cares. "Should I stay somewhere I'm unhappy, just to avoid being robbed...by big, scary black men?" I retort. |
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| "Hey, just don't say I didn't warn you." She concludes. | |||||||||||||||