(This is for Natalie who posed the question- "What is your deal with porn?")
It was in the 10th grade when I decided to reach out to my Christian roots and attend a weekly youth group sponsored by the local Southern Baptist Church. Not only did youth group provide me the opportunity to reconnect with ole' JC, but it was also and angle I used to acquire the attention of the pastor's daughter, Kim, who had a righteous body.
Every Wednesday night we convened in the pastor's basement to share our stories and hardships from the previous week, and then pray about our issues together. My attempts to make out with Kim in the bathroom were fruitless, but there were lessons that I took from youth group that have stuck with me into the present. For instance, did you know that pornography is evil? Yes, it corrupts the soul and will lead you to become a sexually depraved serial killer. Like Ted Bundy.
Ted Bundy is believed to have murdered around 100 women across the country. Ted's charming, charismatic personality lured young women into his car, where he would rape and brutally slay his victims. The law eventually caught up to Bundy, and while awaiting execution in a Florida federal correction facility, the serial killer admitted responsibility for the deaths of some 30 women.
Mere hours before Bundy was put to death, he was interviewed by Dr. James Dobson, the head of the Christian organization Focus on the Family. Ted claimed to be an enthusiast of violent porn which led to his blood thirst. He warned that pornography would lead to other serial killers and would corrupt America's youth. At youth group, our pastor played us the recorded interview with Bundy and about his affliction.
Not only did the Ted Bundy theory freak the shit out of me, but it engrained in me a sense that everyone who watches porn is a depraved psycho. Obviously, that isn't the case. I can't speak for women, but most men find pleasure in watching the act of sex. I'm no exception, even though I usually hate myself afterwards. Whether there's a biological or sociological reasoning behind it, pornography serves that basic desire in men, and to help people who can't get any action from going nuts. Can men watch porn (or not watch porn) and be completely mentally healthy? Of course, but I think the issue at hand is all about limitation.
I know a guy, Steve, who works at a porn store. He says that their busiest hours of operation are in the morning, before typical working hours. Men come in by the buckets to throw away quarters on the arcades, before they go punch the clock. And a lot of these same men come in on their days off to spend another 6-8 hours straight in the jerk-off booths. Is this healthy behavior? Not in my opinion. What about the married man who's wife doesn't know he makes this ritual pit-stop every morning? Is that fair? Some of these poor bastards are obviously addicted to porn. That sucks.
Think about the porn industry for a minute. It's a relatively sleazy industry that plucks girls off the street or in financial turmoil. These girls are exploited in some sense, regardless of consent. I often ask myself, is this something I want to support? It's like, should I drive a gas-guzzling SUV or wear Nike or watch Fox reality shows? Shit, son.
With that said, have you heard about this U.S. government sponsored War on Porn? Let that sink in for a minute. The Bush Administration's stance on obscenity has prompted the FBI to initiate an "anti-obscenity squad" that will inevitably distract resources towards the War on Terror. All in effort to dent the pervasive, multi-bajillion dollar adult entertainment industry in our country. Not sex acts portraying minors or violence, but sex (butt-sex!) acts that include consensual, grown adults. In fact, the FBI is currently accepting and recruiting applicants to form a task force to seek out internet purveyors of smut and proverbially smoke them out. I'm sure agents are stumbling over themselves to get paid to view porn all day.
Obviously this War on Porn doesn't equate to the other political wars that we've waged: Crime, Poverty, Drugs, and of course, the War on Terror. But it seems ludicrous for such wasteful proposals to even get past the drawing board. Am I alone here? Can porn ever be contained? Will there ever be a period in history when humans aren't drawn to pornography?
I casually mention this news bit to a coworker of mine, Brandon, to collect his thoughts on the subject. "That's going to piss me off," says Brandon, in regards to the potential drop in porn production. "I like my porn. If all that is true, it just means that I'm going to have to go out and actually try to get laid from now on."
So how pervasive is porn in the American household, you ask? It's hard to tell. A recent landmark study by Gert Martin Hald, a Danish psychologist, showed that within 18-30 year olds, 98% of men have viewed porn, while well over half of the men sampled watch porn regularly (or at least once a month). Eighty-percent of women have viewed porn, while about 40% of them view it at least once a month. Upwards to 40% of men view porn 3 times or more a week. It's pretty clear that pornography is a part of the sexual lifestyle of modern people. Hald's study went on to show that there is no correlation between watching porn and violence towards women. In fact, some countries, such as Japan, have shown that an increase in national consumption of porn is synonymous with decreased sex crimes.
That pretty much blew my Ted Bundy theory out of the water. So in conclusion, pornography is a shitty industry, kinda intriguing, useless to police, and apparently very human. Oh yeah, Ted Bundy...fuck that guy.
* * *
Speaking of sex, I have no idea how I could break it down to my understanding. As uncomplicated the actual physical act of sex is, there are a myriad of complications that can develop after getting it on. Outside of the trivial pregnancy scares or STD's, sex affects people in intangible, emotional ways as well (duh). These emotional elements can leave people scarred or less than whole.
I know that I am habitually lax on my statistics, but I believe I read that the average human has sex with some 22 different partners in their lifetime. Though maybe ridiculously high, let's just say, for argument sake, that this statistic is true. Me personally, I'd have a difficult time finding that many girls attracted to me, nonetheless getting them in the sack. But 22 different partners? How is that 22nd person even special? I would like to believe that most people hold sex as something at least somewhat sacred. But I digress.
I don't think poorly of anyone who has a lot of sex, because honestly, to each his/her own, as long as no one gets hurt. But how does one avoid all of the inevitable drama that ensues when people have sex? Infidelity, one night stands, or the age-old poor performance. These things cause trauma, people! If you know the solution (besides abstinence), let me know.
* * *
I think sex and death are probably the two things in life that influence us as humans the most. I think about both of them a great deal. Chuck Klosterman posed a question whether or not you think about sex more, or death. For me those issues always garnered about an equal amount of attention. However, in the past couple of years, I've stopped daydreaming about sex quite considerably. Not entirely, but when the lights go out at night, I no longer occupy my mind with fantasies, or positions, or different partners, or the like. In fact, it seems quite insidious to spend much thought into sex when it comes so rarely. I do, however, often contemplate my mortality and how I am living my life to the fullest.
I am terrified of dying. People always ask trite shit like "Why be afraid of something you can't control?" But that is precisely the dilemma. If I could control my death, it wouldn't seem so bad. But for now, I have no idea how it'll happen or when the axe will drop. I'm afraid it'll be painful or slow or as a result of some terrible illness that involves persistent vomiting. I think a lot about how it feels to be shot in the head, or having my head chopped off, or how scary and surreal it would be to fall off the top of the Sears Tower. There's an absolute sense of vulnerability the moment that you die. And there's no coming back. No one gets off this planet alive, and that troubles me a great deal.
I also hate it when you're having a conversation with someone about death: funerals, legacies, wills, or necrophilia, and the other person's reply is "Why would it matter, you'd be dead?" I think it's a lazy way to answer a difficult question. It also implies a sort of shallowness tag to a person who is trying to contemplate their own mortality and their place in the world. A way to make them feel silly about the bigger picture. But 'til this day, no one has been able to explain to me that if I'm dead, why it wouldn't matter. Or for that matter, what happens to us when we die that would make how we feel about or view our lives no longer have meaning.
Why should I feel guilty of wanting to forge a legacy, as meek or as grandiose as it could be? Why should I be made to look stupid for wanting to make an impact on others that reaches beyond my death? I don't want to be forgotten. I don't want to live without purpose, and then die without people feeling like they lost a good friend, a good influence, etc. And I want these issues fresh in my mind, to push me to become a better person, with purpose. Because we only have one chance at life and I don't want to fuck things up or have anymore regrets.