Exodus: The Rest of
the Story
[The followng exchange was a result of one of our contributions
to a religious forum. See, "Mamas, Don’t Let
Your Babies Grow Up To Be Demons"]
Someone wrote:
>What are we going to do about you? . . .
That's what the hierarchies may have wondered, since we have
sent some of our (as a friend put it) "irreverent posts"
directly to the (church of God) corporate org. reps. [our former
affiliation]
But as David told Saul, "why bother with me, I'm just a
flea?" :-)
>Just when I get all frustrated by some serious post,
That's why we don't post more often. We sit here wondering "why
are we here (on this forum)?" So to pass the time we are
trying to "cheer up" our brethren as they strive to
solve the (cog's) world problems.
>you come out of who knows where with a comment like that!!
I rarely actually laugh out loud at >peoples jokes, just smile,
but you made both my husband and me laugh with that one!!
Inspiration. We can't take the credit, although whenever we mention
anything about spirit, the Darkside Swat Team, a division of
the Keystone Kops, stampedes in our direction.
The Eternal created us in his image, complete with a sense of
humor.
For instance picture the Exodus, Pharoah's mighty army of chariots
and horsemen is charging toward the Israelites, thundering hooves,
the roar of iron rims on the rocky ground, the drivers yelling,
urging their teams to speed, whips cracking, (ok, think about the chariot race in the movie "Ben Hur"), the ground vibrates for a great distance when
horses run, (it's a thrilling sound , unless of course they're
coming to kill you). Because of the nearby water, the sound would
carry easily, it's deafening, but the Israelites could also SEE
them coming. The sunlight would be flashing off their armor and
weapons. The mighty Pharoah and his warriors would HAVE their
revenge for the deaths of their firstborn! The Israelites just
KNOW they are about to DIE!
Moses is standing on a rise, death is thundering toward them,
all Israel is looking at Moses......a voice calls out from the
crowd, ............
....... "We TOLD you we didn't want to come on this trip!"
ROFLOL :-)
(Was it his wife? Perhaps his mother-in-law? We don't even have
to make this stuff up, it's right there in Ex.14:12.)
"We had good jobs in the brick business in Egypt! And YOU
had to bring us out here for what? For target practice for the
Egyptians? And this isn't even the right way to Canaan! We told
you we should have turned left at Succoth. But, NOOOOOO, you
wouldn't even stop to ask directions when we passed Etham! "Gotta
make Pihahiroth by dark.", you said! Blah, blah blah........."
Meanwhile the Egyptians are still thundering toward them.
The Israelites are thinking,"The promises to Abraham,...We
waited 430 years.....There was supposed to be a promised land.....All
those plagues...We got all this neat stuff from the Egyptians....And
now....And now....NOW WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
The noise of the approaching strike force fades into the background
as the wailing voices and the ripping of garments increases,
cries of anguish, screams of desperation and accusations against
Moses.....
And Moses (sounding and looking more like a mature John Wayne
than scruffily bearded Charlton Heston) "Waaaaalll pilgrims.
Just "hold your peace" and see what the Lord is a-gonna
do to ole Pharoah and his boys there." (Remember Moses had
been living in the wilderness for 40 years and didn't talk like
the homesteaders in Egypt.)
[Now we notice the next verse is the Lord answering Moses, so
Moses left out his comments to the Lord. But we've found the
outtakes in the editing room and included scenes never before
shown.]
Seeing Pharoah approaching and hearing the cries of the Israel,
Moses inquires of the Lord, "Uh...Lord.....Uh...it seems
that uh....it appears that...uh...we have our backs to the wall,..er,
rocks here and uh...that sure looks like Pharoah coming yonder,
just like you said, but uh...he sure does look torqued about
something... and well, Lord, it looks like WE'RE BETWEEN THE
DEVIL AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA, (er... Red Sea), AND WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO ABOUT IT, LORD!?!?!??? .....LORD?? (see Ex.5:22-23)
Meanwhile, the Lord had been patiently (?) watching and listening
to a bunch of whining, faithless ingrates who now wished they
had never left Egypt.
Verse 15, "And the Lord said unto Moses, "Are you talking
to me?..... .......... Are you talking to ME?"
And the Master of double entendre, said unto Moses, "Tell
Israel to "GO JUMP IN THE LAKE!!!!"".......
Verse 16. Moments later, (it may have seemed like a long time
later to Moses), the Lord, with a wry grin, says, "But (Oh,
by the way), use the rod to part the water first,....... so they
can go over on dry ground." :-)
Stay tuned for scenes of next week's episode when Wile Coyote
pursues the Road Runner onward through the fog, the fog suddenly
lifts (v.27), Wile's forward motion stops instantly, his chariot
then drops out from beneath him disappearing into the mud as
Wile hangs there suspended in space, his eyeballs zip to the
left where he sees a wall of water and sharks leering at him,
then his eyeballs zip to the right where a giant squid is holding
a knife and fork, "UH-OH"....and then the waters smash
together.
Hmmmm. Wonder if Pharoah will have a fear of water when he's
resurrected?
Well, all I was going to do was say "Hello". You see
how it goes. :-)
Copyright M.H. and
G.H. 1997. All rights reserved.
