What they say inside their heads
Sometimes in Friends we hear the character think: there's a voiceover and they act out what they're thinking (on other pages I've put [thoughts] before the quote). Here are all the times when that's happened:
Monica: If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them... but then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back. I need help. (106:The One With The Butt)
Chandler: Oh my God, it's that Victoria's Secret model. Something... something Goodacre.
Chandler: She's right, it's Jill. Jill Goodacre. Oh my God. I am trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre. Is it a vestibule? Maybe it's an atrium. Oh, yeah, that is the part to focus on, you idiot!
Chandler: Jill says vestibule, I'm going with vestibule.
Chandler: Oh, some guy. Some guy. 'Hey Jill, I saw you with some guy last night. Yes, he was some guy.
Chandler: All right, all right, all right. It's been fourteen and a half minutes and you still have not said one word. Oh God, do something. Just make contact, smile. There you go. You’re definitely scaring her.
Chandler: Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high school with.
Chandler: What the hell was that? Mental note: if Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.
Chandler: 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.
Chandler: Ah, let's see. What next? Blow a bubble. A bubble's good. It's got a boyish charm, it's impish. Here we go. Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth. Good save! We're back on track, and I'm chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! And now you're choking. (107:The One With The Blackout)
Chandler: My god, that's a big head. It didn't look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting. My head must look like a golf ball to her. All right, don't get hung up on it; quick, list five things you like about her: Nice smile, good dresser… big head, big head, big head. (203:The One Where Heckles Dies)
Chandler: Look at all that room on her side; you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm hugging, I'm hugging, you’re rolling, and… yes! Freedom! Except for this arm. I'm stuck. Stuck arm. Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion, quick like a cat, quick like a cat. And 1… 2… 3… (303:The One With The Cat)
Rachel: I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint I can pretend he's Alan Alda.
Monica: Oh good, another dinosaur story. When are those gonna become extinct?
Chandler: If I was a superhero who could fly and be invisible, that would be the best.
Gunther: What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. I wish she was my wife.
Joey: Duh, du du du du du du du duh, duh du du du du du du du durh, duh durh.
Phoebe: Who's singing? (307:The One With The Race Car Bed)
Gunther: Say Rachel, I was wondering if you'd like to go to a movie with me sometime. As my lover! Nnsh, too out there. Maybe you'd just like to get something to eat with me sometime? As my lover. (319:The One With The Tiny T-Shirt)
Phoebe: Oh no! What is he doing here? All right, just keep playing, just keep playing. You'll get through this; you'll be fine. (323:The One With Ross's Thing)
Rachel: Huh, check me out. I'm in my kitchen. Naked. I'm picking up an orange. I'm naked. Lighting the candles; naked. And carefully.
Ross: Oh my God! That's Rachel naked! I can't look at that. I am looking at this. Okay, vivid colors, expressive brush strokes… unless she wants me to be looking at that. She knows I'm home. She knows I can see her. What kind of game is she playing? I think maybe someone's lonely tonight. Oh-ho, Dr. Geller! Stop it. You're being silly. Or am I? (523:The One In Vegas)
Ross: All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. (604:The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance)
Ross: Wow! I have never had such a healthy break-up. She was such a grown-up about it. She didn't seem too immature for me. Did I just make a huge mistake? (624:The One With The Proposal)
Joey: Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar - the vicar? - wouldn't be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his… (702:The One With Rachel's Book)
Ross: She's your cousin. She's your cousin. If she knew what was going on in your head she'd think you were sick. Or would she? Let's back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logan's Run, the sexiest movie ever. Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it; she wants it: I'm going in.
Ross: Say something clever. Okay, doesn't have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. Any words will do. Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked, ever. There is nothing you can say to make this worse, so just say something.
Ross: Yeah, you really shouldn't have said anything.
Phoebe: Say something. Say anything. Ask her out, she's not your cousin. (719:The One With Ross And Monica's Cousin)
Chandler: Look at her go. She must love me more than I love her. What's wrong with me? Ooh, don't open that door. (721:The One With The Vows)
Joey: All right, it's a new day. All that stuff about Rachel, you don't feel that now. It was crazy. You're fine. You're better than fine. You are, as your friend Tony would say; ‘Grrrreat!’ Everything's normal. She's just your friend Rachel. Your friend Rachel. Your friend. Rachel.
Joey: Hey, it’s your girlfriend; Rachel.
Chandler: All right, this isn't so bad. I like the flower smell. Which is okay, because I've got my boat.
Joey: All right, it's a new day, and it's just a crush, that's all. Just a little crush. All that worrying I was doing, that was crazy. Crazy! Like my friend here the bird would say; ‘it was cuckoo’. Everything's going to be fine. It's just a crush.
Joey: I love you. (813:The One Where Chandler Takes A Bath)
Rachel: You're going to have a baby, and you need to be prepared. Now, you're going to make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it.
Rachel: Hmm… maybe it starts with how she gets pregnant. (815:The One With The Birthing Video)
Joey: So, this is going pretty good. Dinner was nice, got a lot in common. Victoria's secret - we even like the same books. Oh, now there's a scary painting. Wait a minute, I think I've been scared by that painting before. You know what, this whole place look familiar. I have definitely been in this apartment. I know I've seen this weird plant before. Ouch! It did that the last time. Oh my God, I've gone out with this girl before. Yeah, we had sex on this couch and then on that chair and… no, we didn't do it here, which is weird because it seems like a perfectly good place. Ouch! That's why. (904:The One With The Sharks)