Title: Loving the Shadow part I
Author: Susan de Fluke
Rating: NC-17
Codes: C/T, J/C, all
Author's notes:  This has been done for J/C, but I thought that C/T was just as viable, given certain Native traditions, along side it. Can still be classed as J/C if you�re of a mind to remember that not all cultures have monogamy laws.
Moderator's notes: This story contains European (?) spellings. In other words, you might see the word 'realized' spelled with an 's' instead of a 'z' (there are other variations as well). They are spelled according to the author's education of the language.
SUMMARY:  Based on B�Elanna�s story as written in Jeri Taylor�s book Pathways and with various episode additions starting with Caretaker and ending with Basics. Strong language, suggestions of rape, and deeply disturbing imagery, also arguably my most emotional piece to date. To be avoided if you have a problem with men being feeling rather than stiff upper lip. Tissues will be needed.

�Release me.�

�No! I will not release you. You are mine!�

She stepped towards him causing a knot of fear to swell in the pit of his stomach.

�Stop right there!� he commanded, surprising them both with the boldness of his tone. More surprisingly, she stopped. �I can�t go on like this. We have a job to do . . .and you are clouding my judgment and my objectivity. If I am to stay focused I need to make an end of this relationship; it�s getting in the way. But it�s more than that. I�m asking you - begging you - to release me. Let me free . . .let me love another.�

�You can have more than one wife, dammit!� she spat.

�But not more than one heart,� he stormed back. He lowered his voice. �Seska . . .please? You�re an incredible woman, strong and beautiful, but you�re stifling me. Release me.�

Seska stood silent for a long time, long enough for him to wonder if she would agree, and wonder if he would leave the room with something vital missing from his body.

�I release you,� she said finally.

The relief poured out of him like wine from an upturned bottle. He smiled a little. �Thank you.�

�I will always feel the same way about you, no matter what,� she declared.

Chakotay gazed at her, wondering what, in reality, she did feel for him. Love? Or was it simply disguised tolerance or hatred? Something told him it was more likely the latter, but he could not figure out why, or even why he thought it at all. It was just a gut instinct. �I know,� he replied.

Several days later he materialized on the bridge of a Bolian freighter. The Bolian pilot was dead - skinned alive by a Spoon-Head, also dead. The latter�s body had just been toe-kicked by a Vulcan to make absolutely certain.

�I�m going below to check the cargo,� Chakotay said dispassionately.

Tuvok nodded. �I will see to the rest.�

Meaning the burial.

Nodding, Chakotay gripped the ladder, feet to the outer edges, and slid down to the lower deck. There was a Cardassian down there . . .he could smell him. He heard a faint yelp from somewhere in the gloom. It did not come from a Cardassian soldier�s throat . . .it came from a woman.

Eyes narrowed, his ears zeroed in on the sounds of a scuffle. The woman muffled a scream - probably due to a hand over her mouth, or possibly around her throat, was his first thought. Chakotay moved like a shadow, flitting from one pool of near blackness to another. Then he was upon him - and the Spoon-Head was dead even before he realised that he was not alone.

The Cardassian flopped to the floor and Chakotay slowly stepped into the light of the single lamp swinging gently to and fro from the ceiling. He found the woman, Klingon he guessed from the strangely crinkled ridges above her brow. She was lying spread-eagled on her back wearing only boots and what was left of her clothing, which hung in shreds around her elbows and ankles. He looked into her bruised face; very young, he thought, too young. She looked up at him and started to cry with relief.

Without thinking, he crossed to her and wrapped her in his arms. Openly sobbing in his arms, she couldn�t care less that she was naked in the arms of a stranger. He had saved her life, saved her dignity. A moment more and the Cardassian would have taken her his way, cruelly, completely, leaving her with nothing.

As he held her, she trembled with the fear of what almost was. He glared at the Cardassian lying dead to his left; eyes locked open, the fingers of his lifeless hand still clenched around his zipper stopped in the process of opening his pants. Chakotay closed his own eyes, realising how close she had come to being raped.

His hands on her bear back gently caressed and soothed her. �Hush, now. You�re ok. You�re safe. He�s dead; he can�t hurt you now,� he crooned softly against her hair.

�Get me out of here,� she pleaded in whispered tones.

Chakotay lifted his head and gently wiped the tears from her cheeks, he then pressed his stolen Star Fleet communicator. �Seska? Beam two straight to my cabin . . .and bring some spare clothes with you; anything you can spare.�

�What for? You doing drag tonight?�

Chakotay grinned and coughed. �No, I�ve just saved a woman from a Spoon-Head style �home-coming�.�

There was a moment�s silence while he allowed the news to sink in, and then the room vanished, to be replaced by a cubical. The woman looked around her . . .bed, desk, chair, shelves, half-metre wide aisle . . .cubical it certainly was.

Chakotay gently guided her to the bed and sat her down. �What�s you�re name?�

�B�Elanna . . .B�Elanna Torres.� She paused for quite a while before asking his name.

�Chakotay,� he replied pulling a blanket off his bed and handing it to her, whereupon she wrapped it around her scant frame. �What were you doing on the freighter?� he asked.

�I am - was - the engineer . . .those boxes didn�t contain medical supplies and food . . .they were weapons,� she shot at him almost defiantly.

�Some of the cases contained food and medicines, but not all of them.�

�Are you Maquis?�

Chakotay nodded. �Yes.�

B�Elanna looked him straight in the eye - they weren�t the merciless killers Star Fleet had made them out to be. If they were she would be dead by now. Thanks to Kahless that they weren�t. �Thanks,� she accorded softly, her eyes filling with tears again.

�No problem. You�re safe now. You can stay aboard until we get to the nearest system and we�ll put you down where you can find transport home.

�I have no home,� B�Elanna told him.

Chakotay gazed at her, politely avoiding the areas she had covered with her arms and a corner of the thread-bear blanket. He was about to say something when the door slid aside and a woman a little older than B�Elanna walked in.

�You asked for some clothes . . .? Hello,� she smiled, seeing B�Elanna for the first time. �I�m not sure if these will fit you. You�re so much smaller than I am, but it�s all I have to spare. I�ll get a med-kit. Those injuries need tending.�

B�Elanna took the clothes gratefully.

Seska made for the door as Chakotay thanked her.

�Where are we going to bunk her?� she asked.

�She will have to go in with you for now.�

�I�d hate to ruin a good idea, but my bunk is off-limits. The Cardassian phasers punctured a hole in the aft section. I�m bunking with Henley, B�Chok and Chell. No one has any space. She�ll have to share with you until we can repair the breach.�

�With me?�

�I�m sorry, Chakotay, but there is nowhere else. Your cabin is the only one with less than three people in it, and ours are smaller than this. Unless you want me back?� she half-teased, half-begged. He did not respond. �I�ll go and get the med-kit,� she added, not as disappointed as the look on her face implied.

Chakotay sighed and gazed sadly at B�Elanna. Bunking with a man was probably the last thing she would want right now. �I�m sorry. It can�t be helped, but it won�t be for long.

B�Elanna swallowed. �It�s ok. I�ll try not to get in your way,� she assured him. �I�ll even help out, if you want me too. I�m told I�m pretty handy with a welding torch.�

Chakotay slowly smiled. �You can have the bed. I�ll sleep on the floor.�

Chakotay woke to screams. His phaser was in his hand before his eyes had opened, but the danger was not physical, it was in B�Elanna�s dreams. Instantly he sat up on the side of the bed and carefully shook her shoulder to wake her while deflecting her flailing arms.

Suddenly she woke and looked up at him wild-eyed. �Get away from me!�

�It�s me, B�Elanna. It�s Chakotay. The Spoon-Head�s gone. It was only a dream.�

With relief she flung her arms around him, holding on for dear life. This had happened for several nights, each one just as bad as the one before. She trembled against his chest as he hesitantly encircled her in his arms.

�It�s ok. Hush, now. You�re safe.�

�Please . . .don�t leave me.�

�I�m not going to. I�m right here,� he assured her.

Holding her close he rocked her, smoothing a hand across her back, feeling the gentle curves of womanhood, feeling her breathing slow to gentle rising and falling of her chest pressed to his. Like a child he lay her down on the bed expecting to find her already asleep, but she was still awake. He gazed down at her, looking up at him still holding each other.

�Please . . .don�t leave me. I-I can�t sleep alone.�

Chakotay just gazed at her, not able to think of anything to say. This he had not anticipated. He could see her fear, and he understood it. Even during the day, she had craved company. �Are you sure?� he asked gently.

B�Elanna nodded. �Please?�

Chakotay swivelled round to lie down beside her and she was instantly holding him. He held her close, smoothing her back. He had missed this - the feel of a woman beside him. During the stormy final months of his relationship with Seska they had not slept together for more than a year. They had finally separated three months before. As much as B�Elanna needed to be with someone, Chakotay needed it too.

Burying his face in her hair he realised something else. He was beginning to have feelings for this young fire-breathing dragon. She had the heart of a Klingon, and the temper to go with it. Her fire had warmed his heart, but he knew not to reveal such a thing to her. She was feeling vulnerable enough.

Several nights later, after another skirmish near Bajor�s outer moons, B�Elanna tumbled exhausted into bed. Chakotay was already asleep, but his arms came around her instantly, holding her, making her feel secure and safe.

She smiled, and gazed at his relaxed features. She was beginning to feel something for this man, but she couldn�t decide if it was an attraction, or simply gratitude gone too far. What did they call it? Hero worship? B�Elanna shook her head in the darkness. This was no hero worship. She didn�t feel this way about the arrogant runt of a pilot they had working for them now. He had pulled her out of a river on some un-named, uncharted planetoid in the Badlands, and she had been close to death then too. She felt nothing for Tom Paris other than contempt, and that didn�t come anywhere near as deep or as strong as what she felt for Chakotay.

Without thinking, she leaned in close and kissed the corner of his mouth, and fell asleep.

B�Elanna woke to the feeling that she was being watched. Stretching she turned her head and opened her eyes. Chakotay was up on one elbow watching her. He smiled self-consciously under her gentle gaze.

�Last night . . .�

If she was Human that would have furrowed her brow, but as a Klingon it was already furrowed, it merely thickened to announce her confusion. �What?�

�You kissed me,� he finished.

�Yes?�

�Why did you kiss me?�

�I . . .� her answer died somewhere between her brain and her vocal chords. �I wanted to.�

Chakotay waited, she seemed to want to say something more.

�I-I wanted to tell you . . .but it�s just a flight of fancy, just silly . . .feels . . .so real though . . .�

He waited; nothing more came out. So he opened his mouth. �Like a fairy tale . . .a wish, a dream . . .that if you wake up, it will be gone?�

B�Elanna looked genuinely astonished.

�I�ve been feeling that for some time,� he added. �I wasn�t sure if you did. I wasn�t sure if your being here was because you wanted . . .wanted me, or . . .just because I rescued you, and . . .you don�t need to feel obligated . . .being here . . .in my bed . . .we can make the room below . . .but . . .�

�But?�

�I don�t want you to leave . . .is that being selfish of me?�

�No . . .and I don�t want to go.�

Chakotay�s relief at her words shone in his eyes. �I was half-asleep when you kissed me. I want to kiss you, awake and alert.�

B�Elanna waited, but not for long as he descended to her mouth sweetly, and gently. Scooping her into his arms her held her as he kissed her until her senses began to slide, first closed, then open lips teased, nipped and caressed her lips, the tip of his tongue traced the edge of her mouth, learning the taste and feel of her.

Without warning her tongue came out to duel with his, warm and wet, dancing and cavorting in the dim light.

He could feel the heat in his groin build as he continued. He broke off from her mouth blazing a trail to her soft lobe nibbling it between his teeth, then on to the spot he knew he would find just below her ear. Her heavy breath dusted his cheek attesting to her arousal. As he kissed and licked the skin of her neck and throat he growled softly.

�I want you.�

B�Elanna felt his body press against her thigh, his need evident beneath his briefs. His hard shaft thrust between them rubbing her thigh, mimicking what he wanted. Her hands smoothed down his naked back, one squeezed his buttocks, pressing him closer, urging him on, the other reached between them to grasp him.

He groaned as he felt her fingers firming him. His hand moved from behind her shoulder to her breast, thumbing the nipple through her clothing. She had only bra and panties on, but it still felt too much.

Without moving too much, the hand beneath her unclipped the strap and the hand above her slid the shoulder strap off one creamy shoulder, and then the other. He pushed her panties off her narrow hips as far down as he could reach. B�Elanna kicked them off, feeling his hand smooth across her flat stomach and to her damp curls.

Chakotay shifted to her other breast, swirling the nipple between his teeth, laving and suckling like a kit at its mother�s pap, slaking his thirst. Almost reluctantly he moved back to the first while his finger traced the edge of her labia and eased between them.

She flinched as an old memory surfaced, but then retreated as she moaned with need. A single fingertip rubbed her nub making her moan all the louder. He probed further testing her readiness, this time she winced and shuddered.

Chakotay could not wait. Manuvering up onto his elbow he nestled between her thighs, his body probing for hers, wanting in. Of its own volition it found her opening, beating a tattoo against her vulva. His head slipped in and B�Elanna almost shrieked, but all that came out was a strangled gasp.

Chakotay stilled and looked down at her with concern in his handsome face. �What is it? Am I hurting you?�

B�Elanna looked up into his eyes feeling embarrassed and a little afraid. �It�s . . .it�s my . . .my first time,� she told him, thinking he might think less of her.

Chakotay slowly smiled a gentle, understanding smile. �Oh, my sweet love. I�ll be gentle. Open up for me,� he whispered.

B�Elanna raised her knees up further feeling his head thrust slowly against her. A little more of his thick shaft entered her with each thrust, half way in he paused, �Relax, my love. I�ll wait for you. Relax, feel the rhythm.�

She watched him close his eyes and gave herself fully to the feel of his body carefully sliding in and out of her hot core. He began to move again, not going deeper, not increasing the pace, simply allowing her body to adjust to this new experience, to his size. He was fully aware of how much larger he was to her, and so was she; it seemed to fire her arousal, excite her more. Her panted breaths puffed against his cheek, in time to his moves.

�I want more,� she breathed.

Letting her thighs open more and relax Chakotay pushed in further, deeper. He concentrated on the feel of her tight body around his cock. Smooth fluid motions in and out made him want to surge forward into her, wanted to feel her quake beneath him, feel her grip his body with hers, hear her cry out in the heights of ecstasy, but knowing that he was her first he slowed his need, kept his moves gentle and patient.

He opened his eyes, gazing down at the expression of pure love and need on her face, he kissed her long and deeply while his body slid in to the hilt.

�Tonight and for always, until you release me, I am yours. In heart, mind, body and soul, I am yours. Take me, I give you my all,� he whispered.

B�Elanna moaned with pleasure, only half hearing the words. His body was in all the way, his hands, lips and tongue arousing her further.

Chakotay stilled for a moment, and then began to move in bold defining strokes that promised power and strength. They moved together spurned on by instinct. The rhythm increased a pace, their breaths dusting each other�s faces as he surged into her, buttocks clenching, driving his all into her body. He could feel her hands squeezing his buttocks closer, wanting him totally. He ground his body against her nub, feeling her shudder.

His breath huffed in his throat coming out as soft groans, matching each drive into her sweet flesh. Her moans rose with gusto, chorusing his, filling the space around them with a tumultuous dance of sound.

Almost before they knew it, he started to shudder causing the droplets of sweat on his skin to writhe in response. His groans became louder. Hers joined his.

�B�Elanna, oh . . .sweeeet . . .� he roared out his climax, almost drowning out the sharp cries of fulfillment that bubbled out of her throat before her hearty howl erupted.

Breathless he sank down on her, breathing in her scent in heavy gasps. For many minutes he lay unmoving feeling her body clench and release sucking his body in, milking him of his seed.

She feathered his back lightly with her fingertips, and slowly he lifted his head to gaze down at her.

�This is so, so special to me, my love, such a gift. I never thought you would give yourself to me.�

�I think I heard what you said,� she told him. �You just gave yourself to me, fully and completely. I�m not sure I deserve that much.�

�I know you do, B�Elanna,� he assured her.

�What about your crew? I know that if this were a Star Fleet vessel I could not be here with you, not like this. What will they think?�

�This isn�t a Star Fleet vessel, but I have continued some of their rules, yes. We will have to keep this to ourselves. At least until the war is over. In front of the crew, you are just my chief engineer, and a damn fine one - the best. I might have to send you into dangerous situations, or even go in myself. This cell is only one small cell in a big, dirty war, and I can�t afford to have favourites. If you are the best person for the job, you go in, it�s the same for everyone. Is that clear?� She nodded emphatically. �You have to remember this always, B�Elanna. I love you. We do the job first, and when we�re alone we are there for each other, fully, completely, lovers, partners, spouses, family, whatever you want to call it. I am yours.�

He kissed her tenderly.

�I am yours, Chakotay,� she told him in return. �I love you.�

Chakotay mulled over the contents of a communication for several hours before B�Elanna worked up the courage to ask him about it. He turned his dark empty eyes up to hers, and she knew what he felt; if he said the words it would make them real. For several seconds he warred with that fact trying to force the words from his throat.

�They . . .murdered her . . .� his whispered words rasped out.

B�Elanna looked down at him where he sat on the edge of the bed. �Who?�

His lips trembled. �Manya. The Cardassians attacked . . .Dorvan 5 yesterday, destroyed ten villages, including the one where Manya was hiding since my father made her flee Trebus. They killed her. They . . .they hung her from the ceiling by her wrists . . .and left her there for three days with no food or water and then . . .then they raped her . . .with objects . . .used a stun inducer . . .cut out her tongue and cut off . . .her hands . . .�

B�Elanna stared at him. She knew who Manya was, Chakotay�s first wife. �The children . . .where are they?� she asked quickly.

Chakotay shook his head, still deep in shock. �I don�t know.�

Hugging him close, she held him to her and he clung to her like a lifeline, his cheek to her side, fearing what had become of his little ones.

B�Elanna pressed her communicator. �Bridge, where the hell are we?� she demanded.

�Four hours from Dorvan, and going like the clappers,� Ayala�s voice responded.

�Make it three,� she yelled.

�We�re already at 115%, we�ll burn up!�

�Then get out and push!� B�Elanna suggested.

�Why the hurry?�

�Chakotay�s family is down there. They�re in trouble. So get off your ass and kick another 10% out of that damn engine!�

A slight pause preceded the reply. �Another 15% coming right up. I�ll get you there, Captain.�

One hour later they were on the run from a heavily armed Cardassian warship, commanded by Gul Evek - not a warrior to be trifled with. Chakotay had no intention of leaving his children. He had a plan.

�Take us into the Badlands. He�ll soon get tired of waiting, and we�ll just come out somewhere else and high-tail it back to Dorvan.�

Seska gripped his arm. �We will get back, and we will find them,� she assured him.

Chakotay looked at her and nodded, too worried and scared to smile. They all knew what the Cardassians did to women, and they all knew children were not immune to Cardassian �attentions�. Nevertheless, her optimism was heart warming. �Thanks, Seska.�

For all their differences she was well aware of his bond with his children, and his love for his first wife. He would not accept their deaths, or of leaving them behind unless something else got in the way.

� . . .A displacement wave is heading towards us . . .�

�Where the hell are we?� Chakotay was the first to speak. His head hurt, and his first thought was for his crew. �Is everyone alright?�

�Artes is dead,� Seska said. �Everyone else is ok . . .more or less.�

�Where are we?� Chakotay demanded again.

�According to astrometric markers we are 75,000 light years from our previous location . . .the other side of the galaxy.�

There was a sudden silence, shocking, descending like a cold, stifling blanket of doom. They were as good as dead. There was no way their battered old ship, as sturdy as it could be, would be able to carry them home, not that far.

Chakotay�s chin sank to his chest; despair took his heart and crushed it. �My children . . .�

Ayala�s hand was on Chakotay�s shoulder thinking the same thing, although his children were safe on Bajor, relatively safe that is. He gripped his friend�s shoulder in silent kinship, of total understanding. Chakotay gripped his arm, accepting, needing that friendship, now more than ever. Suddenly the older man was on his feet.

�Find out how the hell we got here! Find out who did it and find out what they want in order to get us back. NOW!�

Within seconds they were no longer on the Liberty, but in some dive on Bajor, the whole place stank of rotten cardboard mugs, sour sweat and unwashed clothes.

�Come in, help yourselves. We�re sorry to put you out. Relax; rest a while. Anyone for cold beer? Jumja sticks? We�re sorry to put you out.�

�Where are we?� Chakotay asked the barman who suddenly appeared from behind the bar, an elderly Bajoran gentleman of sixty or more.

�Now, you sit right down and have yourself a cold beer while you wait.�

�No. I want to go home.�

�We�re sorry to put you out. There�s a party happening tonight, the guests will be here in a moment. Sit down and have a cold beer.�

�Don�t you understand?� Chakotay responded. �My children are in danger! Send us back . . .!�

�Well . . .if you insist on being impatient . . .�

The man lifted his arm and suddenly they were on their backs in a long tunnel of some kind. Chakotay felt groggy as he opening his eyes . . .and looked up. He could see a small drilling instrument descending towards his body. He tried to move, but was held firmly in place. Then it was on him, in him, drilling right into his body. His scream echoed around him and abruptly stopped.

Chakotay moaned and furrowed his brow, slowly he opening his eyes. Liberty; he was on the bridge. Slowly he rose from the deck and suddenly remembered, opening his shirt he could see the tiny indentation in his skin where the drill had entered.

Seska suddenly ran onto the Bridge. �Chakotay! B�Elanna is gone . . .and worse, there�s a Star Fleet vessel off our starboard quarter!�

Chakotay was spurred into action. �They must have captured her while we were incapacitated?�

�Do you think they�re in league with whatever alien that was who captured us?� Ayala asked.

�Unlikely, but there�s no time to find out. Power up and get us out of here. Phaser banks, Seska!�

�Powered . . .�

�More power to the engines,� Chakotay ordered.

�We are locked in a tractor beam,� Tuvok warned. �The engines have yet to be repaired. We will not survive. Thirty seconds to critical . . .�

�Power down.�

There was a bleep from the communications console.

�Oh, suddenly they want to talk,� Chakotay muttered with all the spite he had collected over the years. He punched the button and a woman appeared on the screen to his left.

�Commander Chakotay, I�m Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Star ship Voyager.�

He frowned. �How do you know my name?�

�We were on a mission to find you when we were brought here by the array. One of our crewmen is missing, Ensign Harry Kim. Was he, by any chance, sent to your ship by mistake?�

Chakotay shook his head slightly. �No. One of my crew is missing as well. B�Elanna Torres, my . . .engineer.�

�It seems we have the same problem. It would make sense to work together on this. Would you agree to a truce?�

Chakotay looked at Tuvok, who calmly nodded. He turned back to the screen. �Three of us will transport to your ship.�

He cut communications and eyed the others.

�I don�t trust her!� Seska spat.

�Shut up, Seska. Star Fleet is a lot of things, but liars they are not. Besides, I know the look in her eyes. She is telling the truth. No captain could lie about losing a member of his or her crew. But, be prepared for a trap. Arm yourselves, all of you. If they beam anyone off, all of you go and commandeer that ship. This Voyager will most likely be our only way home. Tuvok, Ayala, with me.�

They beamed in together, in a defence stance, ready for everything - everything except the welcome they got. Janeway meant every word. Her crew, on the other hand, may have been a little too happy to see them dead, if not in the brig strung up by their . . .

�Chakotay . . .�

Paris, the snivelling little . . .�What was your price this time!�

�You are talking to a member of my crew. I will have you treat him with no less respect than you would have me treat a member of yours. Is that clear?�

Chakotay took half a step towards the traitorous man who had left them adrift for a whole day until a Bajoran freighter had come to their aid. There will be another time to beat the shitty attitude out of that smug little bastard later. For now he saw Janeway lean further into him, cutting off his forward motion. He looked down at her - damn, if he didn�t know better he would have said she was going to kiss him! Hmmm, relish the thought! She was certainly attractive . . .but they had work to do. He needed to find B�Elanna, and this captain - what did she say her name was? Janeway? - had her Ops Officer to find.

So search they did, and it took five days.

Finally they discovered that they had both been transported to a planet in a nearby system. Paris kept a cool head, not like he was during his Maquis days when he was most often drunk. He had changed, not much, but subtly. Chakotay kept a wary eye on the younger man even noted that he felt the same attraction to the elf-like waif, whose name was Kes, as had every other man in the room. She was beautiful, wise beyond her years - waay beyond her years as it turned out; she was not even two years old. Despite that, Chakotay wanted her, and so did Paris. But the porcupine had scuppered any hopes that either man had entertained. Neelix turned out to be her lover.

She had led them to her subterranean home where Torres and Kim were being held, or, more accurately, being cared for until they died. They had escaped, Chakotay was proud. B�Elanna and Kim had formed a friendship of sorts and had escaped to an old abandoned mineshaft.

Chakotay, Tuvok, now back in his Star Fleet uniform, and Janeway rushed to their aid. Climbing ever upward towards the flashlights in the distance, they ran. Janeway possessed more strength and endurance than he had given her credit for. He could barely keep up with her after a while.

Suddenly the ground began to shake. Whatever the Caretaker was doing it was causing quakes which rocked the stairwell they were climbing. Suddenly the support cable snapped and something fell on him. Chakotay screamed.

Clamping down, he gritted his teeth together.

�Are you alright?� asked the tiny woman beside him.

�My leg . . .is broken . . .I can�t move . . .� he rasped.

Moment�s later, Paris came back into sight. �I�ll get Chakotay,� he said.

�Get out of here, Paris!� he spat up at him. �Before the whole thing comes down.�

Paris intended to be the big hero. That had not changed. �On the other hand, if I save your butt, your life belongs to me. Isn�t that some Indian custom?�

Damn! Caught between a broken leg and a precipice. �Fine. Then I�ll have the satisfaction of taking you with me.� He reached up one arm and tugged him closer with as much force as he could, almost toppling Paris off his feet.

He cried out as Paris dragged him up onto his good leg, the broken one hung at an odd angle and tapped against each step he hopped up onto, making him wince and grunt under his breath. All the while he exchanged rebuttals with Paris - it felt good to see him again, even if he was loathe to admit as much to his face. After all this time, he had viewed the outcast as being dead, not to worry though, he thought - still time to dispatch the . . .

Chakotay stopped the thought. He could not harm the younger man; his life belonged to him. He was honour-bound . . .much to his disgust.

Chakotay lay waiting for the hologram to heal his leg. It took an age. He had healed B�Elanna first, since her problem was life threatening. His eyes had caught hers several times, telling her of his joy at seeing her safe, at what he wanted to do the first moment he got. Then the klaxons had gone off. The Kazon.

No rest for the Maquis.

They ran headlong, and bear foot to the transporter room. They beamed to the corridor of the Liberty and he caught her arm before she could make for the bridge.

�My love,� he whispered.

B�Elanna clung to him before looking up at him and accepting his kiss. �Chakotay . . .the crew . . .we shouldn�t . . .not here.�

�I know . . .tonight.�

B�Elanna sat beside him on the bridge and powered up. But the fire fight did not go as plannned. The Liberty was lost. They all knew that.

�Get everyone ready to beam to Voyager,� he told her. �I�m going to buy them a little time.�

She knew instantly what he meant. Her eyes pleaded with him for a moment. Don�t kill yourself for them, my love. They�re Star Fleet, they�re not worth it. You promised me tonight . . .

But she ran, fighting the terror. �Everyone up, get your packs! No questions. Move out! Let�s go!�

She dived into her shared space with Chakotay and grabbed his and hers packs. And ran to the transporter pad. Everyone always had their things packed, no one knew whether they would be planet-side, or running for their lives, or sleeping in space, or anything else from one minute to the next. They travelled light. A few personal items, two spare sets of clothes and a bedroll; that was it. An itinerant lifestyle gave no luxury of much else.

B�Elanna counted them all off and went straight to the bridge of Voyager. She had nowhere else to go. The others had gone to the forward lounge to watch Chakotay kill himself for a futile cause. Star Fleet was not worth it, her mind screamed.

She could see the Liberty blazing a hot trail across the heavens, and she wanted to shout something, do something, but Chakotay had made her promise to keep their love a secret. He had always been objective, and now she had to be.

Suddenly the Liberty was gone, but just as Chakotay screamed his last word, more tumbled up from the transporter room five decks below her. He was alive! She quelled the joyous leap of her heart into her throat. Then their eyes met momentarily as he came onto the bridge. He sat beside Paris and taken orders from the tiny woman who suddenly appeared.

�That array is the only means to get home,� she pleaded.

�I know people have loved-ones they want to get home to, so do I, but I won�t sacrifice an entire race just for our convenience,� the woman had told her.

�Who is she to be making all the decisions for us?�

B�Elanna had advanced probably to gouge her eyes out, Chakotay realised in a split second. His large hand rested on her shoulder.

�She�s the captain,� he told her gently. Her decision is final, my love, he added silently. My children are most likely dead by now, so what does it matter. We are still together. My crew are still alive. We will get home somehow, trust me, his eyes added.

She looked at him, and relented.

Chakotay watched her throw her pack on the bed in the quarters assigned to her, and gaze round her in admiration.

�Well, the rooms are biiiiiiiiig. This is going to be great. I�ve never had such a big room all to my self in my entire life.�

Chakotay let out a low growl and grabbed her tightly holding her to him. In her surprise she yelped. �You might still have to share. Janeway said that these rooms could bunk two if need be,� he whispered into her ear. He licked the outer edge, and blew on the dampened skin.

B�Elanna shuddered and smiled. �At least, now that you�re no longer captain . . .does that mean you and I can love each other openly?� She paused to look up into his dark eyes. �Please, say yes.�

He opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by his communicator.

�Janeway to Chakotay, please report to my ready room.�

�Right away, Captain,� he replied. �Don�t go anywhere. I�ll be right back.�

�Please, stay with me tonight?� she pleaded.

�I will, my love. You are my wife, remember? No matter what, that will never change. Unless . . .you intend to release me,� he added.

�I don�t plan to,� she teased from beneath lowered lids.

Chakotay kissed her deeply, longingly, before reluctantly turning towards the door. His eyes told her how much he loved her, how much he wanted her, how much he wanted to be with her out in the open instead of in the shadows. Then he was gone.

�What!�

�You heard me, didn�t you?�

�Yes, I heard you, but why me?�

�I have read your service record. Your Captain previous to your resignation spoke highly of you, recommended you for the diplomatic core, if not for your sudden resignation you would have been a full commander yourself by now. Or maybe a captain.�

�I left for my own reasons . . .�

�Yes, I know,� she replied gently, and meant it. She could see the sadness in his eyes, but the murder of his parents was only a part of it. She was hoping he would open up and tell her, but then again, why would he? She had gone out to the Badlands to arrest him, not become friends, but they had to become colleagues at the very least. �I would like for you to think about my offer, at least. Take some time . . .�

�I don�t need time, just one question answered.�

�Ask it,� she invited.

�Will all my crew be invited to join yours, or is this honour being extended to me alone?�

�All your crew will be given the opportunity to find a place among my crew, in whatever capacity that fits his or her abilities, yes.�

�And advancement?�

She paused showing slight irritation in her eyes, and the tightening of her features. �I will take that under advisement as and when you decide . . .�

�I�ll take it,� he said abruptly. �I�ll be your First Officer.�

She hesitated again; he had taken her by surprise.

�What about Paris?�

She was even more surprised. �Why is that even important to you?�

�If I am to be your First Officer, I will need to know where each and every man and woman is, won�t I?�

She nodded, conceding his point. �Although I know your crew may not take kindly to having him aboard, I�m making him a full Lieutenant, senior grade.�

�My people will obey orders from senior officers, I�ll personally guarantee that.�

�I hope so, Chakotay.�

There was an implied threat in there, he knew. �I can personally guarantee it because Paris saved my life. That means I am honour-bound to protect his. He owns me, my life belongs to him. You have my word, and I am a man of my word, Captain.�

She nodded gently, she believed him. She looked so tired sat there behind her desk. He wondered when she last slept. That would be his first duty as First Officer, he thought silently, getting the Captain to take a break.

�What position will he have?� he asked.

�I�m posting him at the helm. For all his past indiscretions, he�s still the best pilot I have . . .�

�We have, Captain. You made me your First Officer, remember?�

Janeway looked up at him, and slowly smiled. �I believe I do,� she teased, giving him a full smile.

Chakotay smiled back. He watched her rise. She carried her weary self to the replicator and replicated him a field-commission bar and a black and red uniform. �I�m sorry it�s not three gold pips, but I don�t have the necessary authority.�

�That�s alright, Captain. It�s an honour to be wearing the uniform again. And you will get only the best from me.�

�I am glad to hear that.�

�And for my first duty as your first officer, I would like to suggest that you get some sleep, Captain.�

Janeway groaned, which was not quiet as muffled as she would have liked. �You�re beginning to sound like you�ve been around a certain Vulcan too long,� she groused.

Chakotay huffed a silent laugh through his nose. �Maybe. I�ll go and tell . . .�

�You�ll find your quarters on Deck 3, section 2. I trust you�ll familiarise yourself with Command Protocol as soon as possible?�

Chakotay suddenly had a sinking feeling. Command Protocol meant . . .

He slid into her slowly and easily, relishing the feel of her body around his rigid cock. �I love you,� he whispered.

�I love you,� she echoed.

Their eyes closed, as his pace quickened from gentle to bold strokes faster pounding her body, her legs curled over his shoulders thumped in rhythm against his back and his forceful movements causing her breath to rush from her lungs. Her sighs became moans rising into louder gasps, his rising to meet them until they both shuddered and cried out long and hard.

Releasing her legs he sank down onto her, still joined, panting hard. Seconds later he was in tears. B�Elanna soothed him the best she could.

�What�s wrong?�

He lifted his tearing eyes to hers and silently sobbed. �Janeway made me her First Officer.�

�What does that mean?� she asked, knowing that his reaction was not because of his promotion, or rather demotion, but due to something else.

�It means I have to follow Command Protocol. That includes having my own quarters, and a clause that forbids me to fraternise with the crew . . .including the wife I love more than life.�

�You mean, we can�t . . .love . . .?�

�We have to keep quiet about the way we feel, but only for a little longer. I�ll get you promoted. Just a little longer . . .� he moaned beneath his breath. �We�ll love in the shadows, sweet love. I need your love. I can�t be without you.�

B�Elanna sent him a tender kiss, before flipping him, still joined, on his back and planting several kisses on his lips. �My love, at least we can be together at night. You don�t have to say anything, just keep it quiet. Nothing has changed, except that we�re now on another ship. I know, we�re having to live apart now, but we still love each other.�

�And . . .I�ll . . .give you . . .your share . . .of . . .replicator rations,� he promised between kisses.

�Why?� she asked.

�You�re . . .my wife . . .my obligation . . .� His breath deepened and became heavy as he became aroused again. �Four a week,� he told her.

�Won�t . . .that be like . . .paying me . . .for sex?�

�No . . .paying you . . .mmmm . . .for having me . . .

�Oh, yes . . .� she cried out gleefully. �And, I can have you . . .any . . .hoah . . .time . . .I want.�

Sitting atop him, he held her hips, pressing her buttocks closer to his pelvis. He moaned feeling his bloated straining member stroke her inner walls. It did not take long, a few swift thrusts and they cried out together.

Breathless and satiated, they fell into restful slumber.

�How was your first day as Lieutenant?� he asked as she turned to her replicator to order dinner. His eyes roamed over her hungrily.

�It was okay,� she replied. �Some members of the Voyager crew refused to take orders from me. Joe Carey put them in line.� She was busy programming in a selection of dishes while behind her Chakotay divested himself of his uniform. �I�ve had worse,� she decided rubbing her tired neck muscles. �I need to relax.�

Chakotay watched her; he was already hard just thinking of her in the uniform that betrayed her slim form, flat stomach, rounded hips, and pert breasts jutting jauntily out at him. Suddenly he grabbed her from behind, one hand holding her hips to his, the other on her the breast moulding the firm mound in his palm, thumbing the nipple through her clothing.

She yelped in surprise.

�I can relax you,� he said. �Right here, right now.�

He unfastened the jacket with one hand while holding her against his erect form. He was already shuddering with need, his breath quickened into puffs against the back of her neck. He reached round to fondle the mound between her legs, rubbing the nub he knew was hidden beneath the layers of clothing.

His free hand discarded the jacket and unzipped the teal-blue shirt, leaving a trail of wet kisses on the exposed flesh of her shoulders. Pushing it off her arms he had begun pulling the vest up above her head even before the shirt had dropped to the floor.

No bra. She did that on purpose.

�Oh, you minx. You were teasing me all afternoon,� he puffed, his hands now on both breasts as he thrust against her buttocks, his painfully throbbing penis prodding her buttocks almost desperate for entry, desperately begging for a release and relief that only she could bring.

One hand slipped down to her pants and unfastened them pushing them almost brutally off her hips, exposing her bare ass cheeks. No underwear at all! He closed his eyes feeling her hot skin against his head, running a hand down her buttocks, between the backs of her thighs, and then round to the front of her, feeling the damp hair and between her folds. He found her wet and swollen, she sighed and gasped at his touch on her sensitive nub. A single finger rubbed it fast then slow and fast again, while his cock teased between her thighs to her centre.

He could not wait, could not go slow. He wanted her now. Pushing her to her knees, he held her tightly against him and felt his head probing for her vulva. He grunted, one hand on her nipples, one hand on her nub. He could tell from her urgent sighs that she liked rough and fast, and rough and fast was what she was going to get.

�My love . . .oooah . . .got you . . .mmmm . . .right where I want you . . .� He bit his lip trying to stop himself from crying out long and loud from the feel of her, from the feel of his head easing in and out of her hole.

Before he had entered her all the way he was accelerating to a furious pace, pounding her with his hard shaft, rubbing her nub in time with his thrusts. He grunted, groaned her name, hearing her gasp her arousal, guttural cries of need. His rapid shuddering breath echoed in her ears.

All the way in he could feel the beginnings of tremors deep within the walls of her body, her gasps panted in time with his deep thrusts; she was going to reach orgasm before him.

He growled out with each breath, edging closer and closer with each breath, suddenly her body gripped his like a vice milking him, begging him. She howled out her climax into the air, just moments before he did. He cried out loud and hard as his body spurted his seed deep inside her.

�Ha, ha, haa, haaa! Nnngh-hoah, my B�Elanna, my beautiful B�Elanna.�

Sinking down together they lay on the floor gasping for breath. He kissed her neck and her hand reached round to cup his cheek.

�I think,� he began. �Your first day on the job went well, but be sure to dress properly next time, Lieutenant, or suffer the consequences.�

B�Elanna smiled a little. �Aye, Commander. I�ll be sure to remember that.�

Life went on aboard the Intrepid Voyager, new sights, new aliens, new dangers at every turn, but love unnoticed continued. Until Seska and B�Elanna both made an error of judgement.

�You had no right, B�Elanna. I thought you understood. I thought we had an agreement.�

B�Elanna sighed and bit her lip. �I�m sorry, Chakotay. I told the captain the truth, that it was my idea. She didn�t say a word. Tuvok took the flack, but I�m left feeling bad about this.�

�Why?�

B�Elanna looked up at him sharply. �Why?� she echoed, confused.

�Why did you do it?� he clarified. It was against Sikari law, and it was against our law. Their technology was not even compatible with Star Fleet�s. You could have lost us all a way home.�

�That�s what I was doing it for,� she stressed. �I wanted to get home so badly . . .but not for me. For you, Chakotay, I did it for you. I wanted to get you home, so that you could search for your children.�

Chakotay suddenly looked afraid. �Did you say that to the captain?�

�No . . .� She hesitated. �You haven�t told her . . .have you?� she realised.

�Of course not. You know as well as I do that the chances of them surviving without Manya�s care is next to nothing. Manya was confirmed as being among the dead. The children may have hidden and or escaped, but what are the odds that the Cardassians didn�t find them? You know the answer to that question without me having to tell you. You know what Cardassians do to their prisoners . . .�

�You don�t need to remind me!� she spat back.

For a moment they simply stood staring at each other, each in the depths of memories they would rather not share, rather not relive, rather not have. Chakotay�s features tightened as he thought of the faces of his little ones, imagining them facing the horror of Cardassian �justice�. Then the sight of her spread out across the floor, her clothes shredded, waiting to be violated. He tried to fight the sting of tears, but it was a futile attempt, one that he lost in less time than it took to blink.

B�Elanna watched the first tear slip down his cheek and rose to her feet, quickly encircling him in her embrace. �I�m sorry, my love. I did it for you. I know how desperate you are to find them, to see them again. I want so much to believe that they are alive. You�ve got to keep that faith alive. You can�t stop believing.�

Chakotay held her close, unable to hold in his pain. Letting the tears come was a kind of relief, in a way. He had held it in for so long that it had coalesced from being a companion to a burden, an entity that followed him in his shadow, leaving the man beneath hidden and dead inside the shell.

Finally he knew he had to release it or it would destroy him. It was smothering him as much as, if not more than, Seska had done during their last few months of marriage. The woman in his arms allowed him the time to cry, as he whispered the names of his two young children, whom he knew he would not see again, should not and could not expect to see again in this realm of existence.

It was many minutes before he stopped crying, but it would be many more days before he could finally let go and think of moving on and starting again, and probably a life time before he could let go of them. If only he could release himself from the burden of the Command Protocol. Damn, those rules, he thought sullenly.

He recited the words like a litany; it had the taste of bile to it, a noose around his neck, a ball and chain . . .

He head slowly rose from her shoulder as a thought occurred to him. �But not to everyone,� he suddenly said.

B�Elanna looked up at him. �What?�

�Command Protocol - it doesn�t apply . . .�

�What?� she repeated in a confused tone.

�I might be a Commander, but not of-the-line. I�m only field-commissioned. Command Protocol does not apply.� He suddenly looked at her as if for the first time. �I am not obligated to observe that regulation.�

B�Elanna�s heart jumped up into her throat. �Does that mean we can be together, openly?�

�I think so. I will need to check first.�

�If it doesn�t apply to you, then you could go after the captain herself.�

Chakotay looked at her in surprise. �What?�

�I�ve seen how you eye her up, Chakotay. She�s a handsome woman. And she could give you the one thing I can�t . . .children.�

Chakotay hesitated and then slowly smiled. �You�re not jealous?�

B�Elanna shook her head. �I took you into my heart knowing that you were already married. Your customs allow for two wives, on the condition that they are treated fairly and equally with honour and kindness. Why would I need to be jealous? And besides, the extra replicator rations would save the Captain from Neelix�s version of alpha quadrant beverages . . .and the rest of us from the bad mood that follows when she hasn�t had any.� Chakotay was fighting a grin. �Coffee, that is,� she added for clarification.

�I knew that,� he said wickedly.

�Then take that look off your face, hot lover,� she jested

�Hot lover?� Now the grin was out in full force.

�What? Didn�t Seska ever tell you that you�re good?�

Chakotay groaned, the mood broken.

�I�m sorry. I shouldn�t have said that. It�s none of my business.�

�No, it is your business. Seska was a part of my life once - she�s from my past. I still care about her, as much as I care about everyone from my old cell. We were there for each other, seen things that I could not share with you simply because they are still too painful to relive.�

�I know, my love. You don�t need to. One day, perhaps, but not now.�

Chakotay silently nodded. After a long pause he kissed her slowly and tenderly. �I better go and check on that Protocol.�

Part 2

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