�Come on, Kathryn. Just a little more.�

�I can�t. I�m too tired.�

�I know, Honey. Just a little more. It�s almost over.�

Kathryn took in a deep breath, and strained let the breath go with a loud cry and took another. A sudden searing pain shot through her head and she lost consciousness.

�One more, Kathryn. Here he comes.�

Silence.

�Kathryn, push!�

Nothing happened. He looked up and saw her lying there unmoving.

�Kathryn?�

Unresponsive.

�Kathryn!�

�Chakotay, the baby,� B�Elanna urged him.

He shook her shoulder his hands still bloodied from delivering their child. His child was still half inside his mother, but Chakotay could only focus on her. He shook her again and felt for a pulse that wasn�t there.

�Kathryn . . .no!�

�Chakotay . . .the baby!� B�Elanna pressed on Kathryn�s abdomen and the child slipped out. Grey and unmoving it lay there.

�No! No, no, no, no . . .no!� Chakotay cradled the body of his love, his life, and his breath and roared out his hurt to air, the sky, to the earth - whoever was listening. Oblivious to the other woman for several minutes he almost forgot what he was here for. A sudden cry alerted him to remember. Slowly he turned and looked.

B�Elanna lifted the infant out to him.

At first he wouldn�t touch him. This . . .child had taken the life of the woman he loved. No, he thought again. This child, this innocent had not caused Kathryn�s death. His son needed him now. And he would give his all.

Chakotay�s tears fell silently as he held his son for the first time. Holding him close and making promises and prayers to fill his life with meaning just as his mother had done for him.

Chakotay buried Kathryn in her favourite place beneath the huge willow near the shelter. From the moment of Kolopak�s birth, Chakotay carried him in a small sling held against his chest and at night he laid him in the bed next to him. The place once occupied by his mother.

He spoke to him, sung to him and taught him his ancient legends, taught him of his mother and all the while acknowledging B�Elanna only when she spoke or gave him his meals.

The distance between them grew, and that wasn�t the only thing that grew.

�Would you like me to hold him for a while so you can get some sleep?�

�No.�

�Chakotay, you need to put him down sometimes. Being cooped up like that - it�s not good for him.�

�And what the hell would you know? He�s my son and I�ll raise him how I see fit!�

B�Elanna opened her mouth to throw a scathing retort. Instead she threw her hands up and walked outside.

Weeks passed into months and B�Elanna spent next to no time at all in the shelter or near Chakotay. The man she once knew only appeared for his son. She had had no contact with the child since the day she had pulled him out of his mother. Try as she might she just could not resent the boy. It wasn�t his fault. And try as she might she couldn�t resent Chakotay either.

He had withdrawn from the world and lived in his own, a world where Kathryn existed and still loved and nurtured him. A world where the three of them lived. A world where B�Elanna didn�t and would never share.

She loved him. She had loved him in secret since before joining Voyager�s crew. He had been in love with Seska then, but their fights had gone on and on until Chakotay had finally had enough and called it a day. And B�Elanna kept on loving him when they joined the Voyager crew and when Seska hurt him so badly.

She often wondered what had become of the child Seska had conceived. And since Kolopak had been born even more thoughts of him crowded her mind. She knew Chakotay thought of him by the way he looked up at the sky on starlit nights, telling the dark-eyed infant about the older brother he had never asked for and had never seen.

Chakotay would hold the baby close, nuzzle his lips against the soft black hair on his head that stuck out at all angles despite being brushed and go back inside the shelter.

B�Elanna would sit alone on a log by the edge of the clearing waiting until he had gone to bed, and then creep back in and slip into her silently bed alone to cry herself to sleep. No matter that he had forgotten she was here she still loved him.

She had watched him during their first year on Voyager growing closer by the day to the Captain. They had fallen in love she could tell. The spring in his step, the smile had the softening of the hard lines that had sculpted his features. His voice and manner had softened too; he had fallen for their captain in a big way.

But she had noticed that Kathryn Janeway hadn�t been immune to his charms either. As a woman she knew how Kathryn had felt. The attraction had been almost instantaneous. But she was certain they had never told each other or openly accepted that had those feelings, let alone did anything about them.

On the day of the away mission, everyone else had gone back to the ship and B�Elanna had wandered further than was permitted. They had both come looking for her and had begun giving her the ticking off she deserved - and she never doubted that for a minute - she had broken regulation and she deserved it.

Then came those damned hornets. They had just risen up from the ground like an early morning mist. The stings; oh, the agony. The venom had spread like fire though their bodies leaving them with a sickness they couldn�t cure, and stranding them for the rest of their lives on this world. She missed her old life a little, but had no regrets. And Chakotay had thrown himself into his new life and did not look back. Kathryn on the other hand had fought every step of the way.

It was a beautiful planet and a beautiful place to live. But Kathryn had spent the first three months being all Star Fleet instead of enjoying herself. It had had Chakotay as frustrated as hell that she would not stop and be at peace. With him; especially with him.

Them came the storm. B�Elanna had pulled the washing from the line and rushed inside at Chakotay�s strident urging while he had rushed off to find Kathryn. He barely made it inside and he curled the two of them to his chest to protect them. He wad whispered comforting words to them both equally, but she knew that it was Kathryn that his heart beat for.

After almost four days the storm had passed. The place was a mess and the clean-up job was hard work on overstrained muscles. That night B�Elanna had groaned painfully. Chakotay had rubbed her muscles and she had enjoyed the warmth and release of her cramp. She had felt Kathryn�s eyes on the two of them, but it was innocent and she didn�t think the older woman was jealous. Even the brotherly kiss on the side of her head had been innocent. And try as she might she could not find it in her to read anything more in it.

She had dosed off briefly soon after he had gone back to the table and he had nudged her awake. Get some sleep, he had told her.

She had agreed. And said good night to them bother before leaving them alone. But she had not slept. Kathryn had finally complained about the pain in her shoulders. She had been in more pain than B�Elanna had been - for a human she had done Klingon-sized work. Not a good combination. She had watched secretly the massage Chakotay had given her. Sensually moving his fingers across Kathryn�s shoulders, his touch dancing over the Human woman�s senses and enflaming her desire. Kathryn had been aroused. Her keen Klingon olfactory nerves had picked up on the heightened pheromones.

Then for some unknown reason Chakotay had stopped; probably because he realised just how far he had gone and was trying to calm himself down before he went too far and couldn�t stop. They had said good night and Kathryn had gone to bed.

Chakotay stayed up carving as always, but she tell by the way the stylus scratched a little harder than usual that he had been bothered by his actions and by Kathryn�s reaction to them.

After about half an hour of listening to Kathryn fidget in her bed B�Elanna had heard her rise again. The older woman walked over to the table and sat down and began to tell him that they should define parameters. B�Elanna could not believe what she was hearing. They were stuck here for the rest of their lives and she wanted to continue as if she were still on her damned ship? Was her head on right?

Chakotay couldn�t define parameters. But he told her an ancient legend. B�Elanna again could not believe what she was hearing. That was no ancient legend. More like ancient bull. And just as she had, Kathryn had seen through his thinly veiled story.

B�Elanna observed them entwine their fingers and stand up from the table. Then he kissed her and told her that he couldn�t justify parameters anymore and she shouldn�t. She couldn�t either, if she were truly honest. Kathryn has kissed him back. He had led her into his alcove - that�s what they laughingly called their bedrooms - and had made sweet love to her.

She watched them, wishing it was she instead. Or perhaps as well. All aroused from watching them thru the partition she lifted her night dress and brushed a hand across her naked belly before lowering her fingers to her folds. She had come at the same time they had, but had silenced her cries of fulfillment - such as it was.

In the year from that time she felt a part of their family even though she knew she was just a gooseberry. But still she could not find it in her to be jealous of Kathryn. She knew they were very much in love. Kathryn had believed herself too old to have children and had actually encouraged Chakotay to make love to B�Elanna and have children with her. B�Elanna had been shocked by the suggestion.

Chakotay had stared at Kathryn and at her and there was some deep longing in him. He wanted a child, he had longed to see Seska�s child and knew that dream would never be. Then he had smiled and joked about such a suggestion. How could she think he would want anyone but her?

They knew she could hear their lovemaking and none of them make any mention of that fact out-rightly, but they knew, and B�Elanna as sure as hell wouldn�t. She knew they could hear her too. After the first two or three occasions she had yelled out at her peak. No way they could have missed it, but they never mentioned it.

And then Kathryn had fallen pregnant. It had been a shock for all of them. Though not as much a surprise as it was for Kathryn. And heartache for B�Elanna.

Kathryn had included B�Elanna in everything she learned during her pregnancy and everything she felt too. B�Elanna threw herself in the role of aunt but desperately wanted to experience this for her self. But there would be no one for her. No one would come to her and fulfill her dreams or her needs. It was at the time of Kolopak�s conception that B�Elanna stopped joining in with their lovemaking - joining in from afar that is. Joining in at all.

Chakotay commented that she seemed distracted. Was she sleeping well? Did she want for anything?

No, she didn�t - nothing that he could or would give her at any rate. Platonic concern. Brotherly concern. Brotherly smile.

The night Kathryn had gone into labour he was so nervous. So excited too. B�Elanna had made to leave them alone to enjoy the experience together, but Kathryn had wanted her there. B�Elanna had wanted to be anywhere else, but there. But looking back it had been a wondrous event, even in tragedy. Chakotay had been devastated and suffered badly. Traumatised by Kathryn�s death he rarely spoke unless it was to his baby son. He had changed so much, was so scarred that the Chakotay she had known for almost four years had disappeared from view.

And so they drifted apart. He hardly ever acknowledged that she was there any more. They never ate together and B�Elanna spent more and more time away from the shelter.

And so it was that night she followed him inside. She could not stand this any more. It was as if she was not there, as if he lived alone with his son. She had seen the boy look at her over his father�s shoulder and smile at her. She had smiled back, but never if Chakotay happened to be looking. Under her bed lay her holdall. She eyed it speculatively. On taking it out she gazed emptily over the items inside. Ration packs, water canteen, spare clothes, blanket and a few tools. She slid it under the bed.

Standing there alone in there dark she considered what she was planning. Camping trip, she would tell him. She had packed everything she had. Chakotay would probably not even know she wasn�t there or even acknowledge her when she told him the next morning about her next expedition. She was always taking them. And when she didn�t come back . . .

She doubted he would notice that either.

She looked across the living area towards the partition. They were already asleep.

By the time B�Elanna realised she was crying she was sobbing loudly. And couldn�t stop it.

Chakotay opened his eyes. A small noise had pulled him back from the arms of sleep. He sat up in bed alert and listening. Then he heard it again. Silently he rose and crept to the gap in the partition. Someone was crying.

He looked around the room and saw her. She was sat curled into a tight ball head on her knees and shoulders shaking. She had spent many nights like that. This was the worst. He half thought about going to her, but had nothing to say. He felt certain that she had hated every minute in his company; had hated everything associated with Kathryn and her death. That included him and his son.

He supposed he could have hugged her once in a while but that wouldn�t have changed anything. Kolopak was his responsibility and B�Elanna was her own. His son was more important than the jealousy and resentment he had seen her harbour. If she couldn�t accept Kolopak then it was her problem, not his. He had no time for it, no time for her. He had better things to do.

He turned and returned to his bed.

Breakfast was ready when he woke as usual and he changed and dressed his son. Chakotay sat Kolopak in the highchair he had made and sat at the table with a bowl of warm . . .whatever-it-was and began to feed him.

B�Elanna stepped in from outside. �I�m going camping today - I�m leaving in a few minutes. I wont be back for at least a week.� She took a deep breath and sighed. �The stores have been checked. You shouldn�t want for anything.�

As expected Chakotay said nothing. He applied another spoonful to Kolopak�s lips but the boy turned away and looked at B�Elanna where she stood near the door. He lifted a finger and pointed.

�Mom-mom,� he said.

Chakotay dropped the spoon in surprise. His son had talked; said his first word and then he realised what that word had been. He shot to his feet and turned to her, anger blazing in his eyes. �What have you been teaching my son!� he demanded.

�I haven�t been near your son since the day he was born! How could I? You have never let me in!�

�Damn you, B�Elanna! You have been jealous and resentful since day one. And I have had it. You are not and never will be his mother!�

�Mom-mom,� the boy said again while his father shouted.

Her eyes flitted between the man and the child. �Damn your self, Chakotay! Can�t you see where he�s pointing? He�s not pointing at me. He�s pointing outside. He thinks his mother is gravestone. I don�t even exist to him. And you . . .you don�t even know what day it is. You can�t even remember that today is his first birthday.� She swallowed trying to speak past the lump in her throat. Her voice dropped to a mere whisper as she added, �What the hell has happened to you?�

In silence he watched her pick up the backpack that stood by the door and head back out the door.

�Mom-mom,� the boy looked up at him, still pointing.

Chakotay lifted him and took him outside to the spot under the willow tree. Kolopak reached down to touch the upright stone engraved with the name Kathryn.

�Mom-mom,� he said again.

Chakotay felt the tears fill his eyes once again. �Oh, spirits. What have I done?� He lifted the boy and held him close. �No, Kolopak. Your mother isn�t here. Not any more.�

B�Elanna walked for several kilometres alone with her thoughts. She had taken a route she had used before. And it took her to the edge of the seashore. She rested for the night eating rations and sleeping in a small cave. Just below the ledge where she lay the tide rose.

She had stashed a few other supplies here too. Sleeping bag, food containers and a water barrel, and Chakotay�s second boat. He had been so oblivious to everything other than is son that he hadn�t even noticed that it was missing. And probably wouldn�t know that she was missing either.

In the cold light of dawn she loaded the supplies into the small sailboat and drifted out on the ebb tide.

As the wind caught the sail and tugged her seaward she gazed back at the hastily retreating shoreline. Her tears came too easily knowing that this would be the last time she would see that continent and that she would never see the man she had loved for over four years. She could not stand by and watch him wither and die and reject all attempts at easing his grief and burdens.

Their final argument was the closest they had come to making conversation since Kolopak had been five months old. And even then her small talk had been received as nothing but insults.

B�Elanna turned away and sighed sadly. He would be happier without her hovering in the shadows that was once his life. And she would be happier moving on from the ashes that were hers.

Four days later the wind died down leaving her dead in the water and no land in sight.

Chakotay went about his duties around the house. He had four socks to darn and had them done by the time Kolopak had woken from his nap. Then he took him into the garden to play in the playpen he had built to play with the toys he had made while he tended the vegetable he had planted.

He sang while he worked. Kolopak accompanied him, bringing a smile to the man�s face.

Several vegetables were ready to be picked and several others would take another week or so. That was the beauty of staggered sowing. He smiled faintly as he remembered explaining this to Kathryn. Sow a little now and a little in a week or so, he had said, but impatient Captain Janeway had wanted to sow all the seeds at once. Chakotay�s gentle insistence had won out; they would need a steady supply of food, not a big feast and then hunger for several months.

He picked the ripe ones and gathered in the basket that Kathryn had woven. He brushed his fingertips across the dried reed stems remembering her struggling to learn the craft, but enjoying the feeling of accomplishment when her first basket was finished.

And then there was the corn grinder. Kathryn had designed it - and it saved hours of hard backbreaking work. It was a combination of ideas she had told him as she cut the teeth into the round rock. The phaser had saved a weeks worth of work.

He lifted his eyes to check on his son who was still singing and gazed over to the grinder that stood in the open-fronted outhouse. He had watched B�Elanna and Kathryn together taking turns to feed the grains into the top and turn the handle. They had been close. He hadn�t seen it before. Why he hadn�t seen it before was not clear.

B�Elanna had tried so hard to ease his pain, to help him with his son after Kathryn had died and what had he done? He had accused her of being jealous and resentful. She had been hurting as much as he had, but he had ignored her pain in favour of his own.

During those long nights when Kolopak would wake several times to be fed and changed she offered to help and he had pushed her away. During the long nights when Kolopak had been teething and cranky from colic she had offered to help and he had pushed her away. He had fallen asleep one many of those days and still he had pushed her away. He realised now as he looked back that she hadn�t held his son once since the day he had been born.

She had been right. He had changed. Enclosed in his self-protecting cocoon he had shut her out and himself and Kolopak in. And she had taken it. Hurt piled onto hurt piled onto hurt.

He shifted his attention to what his son was saying. The boy was gazing across the clearing and babbling in baby talk, pointing without being fully conscious that he was doing it.

�Mom-mom. Mom-mom. Mom-mom.�

Chakotay looked in the direction he was pointing. He almost expected to see Kathryn walking towards them, but he saw nothing. He still half expected to see Kathryn snuggling up beside him when he woke in the morning. He talked about her constantly to Kolopak and gradually he had tuned out everything else out. And that included B�Elanna. She in turn had turned into nothing but a shadow.

What had he become?

And then he looked again. A dark shape was edging out of the trees. At first he smiled thinking B�Elanna had returned, and just as quickly that expression turned to one of horror. It was a bear. A very big bear. And it was between them and the shelter.

�Oh spirits!� Chakotay jumped up and lunged for his son.

In holding to boy close to his chest, he avoided losing his son to the first swipe of the animal�s powerful paw. Chakotay rolled into a ball and lay still, head down and silent. He realised the bear must have been watching Kolopak for some time to have come so close. He cursed his bad luck, but sincerely hoped this play-dead trick worked and the bear was tire and saunter back into the forest.

He was only partially right. Kolopak seemed to sense his father�s unease and squirmed a little, but them fell asleep, relishing the closeness of his father�s embrace. For than small mercy Chakotay gave thanks to the Great Spirit.

He could hear and feel the bear�s breath on him sniffing and huffing all round him. Was this good to eat or was this just something to use as a diversion to while away an hour or two during the long days of summer? He snorted and nudged the still form, hoping it would move so that he could chase it again. Nothing happened. He nudged harder. Still nothing.

The bear huffed and growled and began to move off, already bored.

Chakotay cautiously opened his eyes to see the bear wandering back towards the trees. He judged the distance - four metres. Carefully turning his head he calculated the distance to the shelter. Nine metres.

Too close.

The bear was taking his sweet time. Chakotay closed his eyes again and prayed. He felt calm but anxious at the same time. He finished praying and decided that a little extra help wouldn�t go amiss.

�Akoochimoya . . .�

He had barely uttered the word when he distinctly heard growling. He opened his eyes. Not more then a meter behind him stood a wolf, fur erect teeth bared and snarling for all was worth at the bear that was easily five times its size.

The bear looked up and huffed indignantly, but soon realised the wolf would not back down. He roared and then the fighting began.

Chakotay�s eyes widened as he slowly raised his head. He looked from them to the shelter and back. He couldn�t believe is luck. Cautiously he uncurled himself and found his feet. And ran.

Shutting the door before the noise of his sons cries could alert them, he backed away. There was no way to bolt the door but . . .

Kolopak cried as his father put him down on his wobbly feet. Chakotay tipped the table up and pushed it against the door. It would not hold a bear out for long. This shelter had not been built with bear attacks in mind.

The sickening howl of a wolf in agony alerted him the fact that the fight had ended. He had not expected the wolf to have lasted so long. He closed his eyes and gave thanks; the divine gift of diversion and life would not be forgotten in a hurry.

Chakotay looked around him. They would need a plan of escape. The shelter was a bad place to be with a rogue bear. His head whipped round as something large thumped against the door.

Kolopak stood where he had left him crying. The bear could hear him and smell him. Quickly replicating a bottle and a diaper he gave the bottle to his son and changed him. Kolopak was instantly quiet.

Another thump.

Chakotay put a hand to his head his thoughts racing. The phaser pack had run dry long ago. But there was a spare in the shuttle. He could recharge it using the shuttles power - but first he had to get to the shuttle. More than that the shuttle was perhaps his and his son�s only protection.

Decide, he urged himself.

Another thump.

Grabbing a backpack he began packing clothing toys and a few simple foods and his medicine bundle caught his eye. And then the shelter began to crumble.

Finally the wind had begun to pick up. Six days had seen the boat drifting aimlessly. B�Elanna had rationed the water and the food, but it wasn�t enough. She groaned with the thirst. If she didn�t find land soon she was as good as dead.

Something thumped against the hull. Or did the hull hit something? She opened her eyes. There it was again. She raised herself and cautiously looked round. She gazed upward. Rock.

Rock?

She gazed at it stupidly for another minute before she realised what it meant. Land. Thirst momentarily forgotten, she got up and secured the boat. She stepped out onto the rock and grinned and then laughed. She was safe.

First thins first, she had see the lie of the land.

She forced her cramped muscles to carry her to the top of the forty-foot cliff and look beyond. What she saw filled her with horror.

�No!� she cried out, sinking to her knees she wept.

Beyond to cliff she had tied her boat to was nothing but sea. The rock was a mere marker for a collapsed volcano that had once stood proud of the ocean and now was simply a ring of submerged rocks.

All was quiet. It had been deathly quiet for some time. Chakotay lifted his head. It was dark and his son would sleep for some tome yet. There were no night calls from beyond the ruined walls which meant the bear had not given up on his summertime amusement just yet.

Chakotay sighed softly and caught sight of his skins. He sat up and pulled his medicine bundle closer. He opened it and called on his guide. She greeted him joyously. It had been a long time.

�I�m sorry, my friend. And thank you for saving us from the bear.�

Her yellow eyes flashed slight anger which unnerved him.

�What is it?�

�I may have saved your mortal hide, Chakotay son of Kolopak, but it is your heart and soul that I fear maybe lost.�

Chakotay frowned. �Lost?�

�Come with me.� She trotted off some distance and turned to look at him. �That was an order, Chakotay.�

There was a hint of Kathryn in those words; Kathryn as she had once been long ago. He shook himself. No, she was dead and no amount of wishful thinking could bring her back. Reluctantly he followed his most trusted friend.

Through the trees he walked and came to the clearing and there stood a woman. She turned her head just as she had the day they had finally ventured from the shelter.

He sucked in a sharp breath. �Kathryn!�

She gazed at him forlornly.

�Who are you?� she asked softly.

Chakotay felt the gentle sob catch on his throat. �Kathryn. It�s me. Chakotay.�

She slowly shook her head. �You are not the man I knew and loved. You are a stranger to me.�

�I don�t understand.�

�You have changed, closed yourself from everyone.�

�What everyone is there!� he retorted. �I�m all alone here. You died and left me! All I have is memories and our son.�

Her head shook gently. Taking a few steps towards him she looked into his eyes. �You have never been alone. And yet you wanted the loneliness.�

He cried softly as he looked at her. Her hand drifted up to brush a tear from his cheek and he pressed his face into her palm and closed his eyes relishing the touch of her skin on his.

�I want you to move on. This life you live is killing the sweet heart that once beat in your chest. Our son deserves more.�

He open his eyes to find her gone.

�Kathryn?�

He looked round moving to several hiding places. But she was gone.

�You�re looking in the wrong place.�

Startled Chakotay whirled round to find his father standing I the clearing.

�I have to find her, Father. I can�t be without her. I need to be with her.�

Kolopak grabbed his shoulder forcefully as he attempted to run past. They eyes locked.

�I have a grandson who needs you,� Kolopak reminded him. �Are you just going to walk away from him?� He paused and then added, �She is dying.�

�She is already dead!� Chakotay threw back.

Kolopak shook his head firmly. �She is dying and will die of you don�t go to her and make your peace. She has suffered enough. And you will die too . . .not knowing what happened to her.�

Chakotay was confused. Then it slowly dawned on him. �B�Elanna.�

Kolopak took his hand from his son�s shoulder. �She has loved. She has tried. She has been shunned. Is that truly what Kathryn wanted you to do? Does your son know her? Does your son know you?�

Chakotay knew the answer to that. A simple no. He turned to his animal guide, but instead of reassurance he found only silence. The timber wolf trotted off into the trees and did not look back.

�I don�t know you, Chakotay. You are not the boy I raised. I need my son. Come back to me.�

With that the older man turned away from him and Chakotay opened his eyes. He looked at the baby beside him and found him still asleep. Folding the bundle he put it back into the backpack.

As silently as he could he worked his way through the wreckage that was once his home. B�Elanna must have left a clue as to where she would be. He hoped. He had never doubted the words of wisdom imparted during a vision quest, had never wavered so much as he had now. Usually it was cryptic messages and half-hidden truths, but this one was so vividly clear. B�Elanna was in trouble - and so was he.

There was very little left of B�Elanna�s alcove. Being near the front of the shelter it had taken the full brunt of the bear�s fury. He opened a drawer. It was empty. He opened another. It was empty too. And a third. Nothing.

He realised what this meant. She had planned on never coming back.

He closed his eyes and allowed the tears to fall and allowed his mind to wander. She had done little things, had offered her shoulder, had offered her heart so often. And he had taken her for granted. He had indeed shunned her. She had loved him from afar for so long and Kathryn had known, had even encouraged them to be together as well as being with her.

�Oh Kathryn, what have I done? B�Elanna, I�m sorry. I didn�t know . . .yes I did,� he corrected. �I was just too stubborn to acknowledge it.�

His whispered words stopped as he heard movement outside. Thru a gap in the broken wall he saw a large shape moving about. The bear was still out there.

He stepped back and stepped on something.. He lifted his foot and looked down. A PADD.

I was happy that you were happy. I was at peace that you were at peace. And I loved that you were loved.

Then Kathryn died and I hurt so badly and couldn�t stand the way you rejected the comfort and help I offered. I saw you change. I saw the man I love disappear. The man I love withered away inside the shell that is the man I see today. I have tried so hard to be there for you, but what you want and need I can�t give you. I can�t be Kathryn and I would never want to replace her. I can�t replace her.

You have been resentful of your son looking in my direction, even him smiling at me. I have never once held him, touched him, or played with him. You can�t shut him away from me. It�s not normal for a woman to ignore a child who smiles at her, Chakotay. And you may not understand, but I love him too. From the moment of his conception to the moment I pulled him back from death at his birth I was �with� him. Then you took him away and he was gone. It was as if he was never there any more.

If you think I have ever resented anything about all of this - I have. I have one regret and that is wandering off and disturbing those insects and thereby forcing you both to stay here on this miserable planet. And I call this a miserable planet because that�s what it�s become, and I don�t know how to bring the happiness back onto your life.

I hope you find your resolution one day.

B�Elanna cupped her hands to catch the rain and drank. She eyed the open cask. It would not fill up much, but it was better than nothing.

She would have to sail back some how, but she had no idea which way to go. And with the storm brewing quickly about her, her survival was tenuous at best. She could not hope to sail through this. And with the waves increasing in size she was likely to drown as well. She replaced the lid to the water cask before seawater could get in and pulled at into the curve on the rocky peak. It would not afford much protection, but it was better than the outer edge.

A large wave crashed over the rocks and folded round them. Several large saves later she started to see pieces of her boat. She was doomed.

Chakotay eased into the tiny space beneath the collapsed ceiling and replicated a diaper and a bottle. As the humming stopped, the roaring started.

Chakotay knew what that meant. The bear. Crawling beck towards his son, the bear stepped onto the panel behind him and pushed on it, and swiped it away with a mighty paw. The animal sniffed the space beneath and caught his scent.

Strapping on the baby sling as quickly as he could his terrified hands missed the buckle and almost dropped Kolopak. With the backpack on his back and his son on his chest his pace would be slowed down, but he could not sit here while the bear tore his way ever closer.

The was a narrow gap between the back wall and the side wall. He peered thru it and could see the shuttle some distance away. How would he ever make it?

He pressed his communicator and spoke quietly. �Computer? Begin pre-flight checks and open the hatch.�

The computer acknowledged and he saw the hatch open.

He could tell the bear was onto him now. It might be possible to get some distance before the bear realised he was no longer there.

With that thought in mind, he slipped thru the gap and ran. He had been running only a minute before he heard the bear. Damn! He would not make it.

Suddenly the monkey appeared waving his arms but standing silently. Chakotay on gut instinct changed direction and ran straight toward the primate. The monkey turned tail and made for the trees. Chakotay followed. The river!

Without thinking he waded in and hid among the thick reeds. The bear was mere seconds behind him.

It was several minutes before the bear stopped smelling the ground and looked up. Then Chakotay heard it. The monkey. The bear growled and the monkey sauntered to wards him. But the monkey misjudged the bear�s speed. The big animal suddenly rushed at him and in one swipe finished the faithful creature off. Not one to waist an opportunity, the bear began to eat this unexpected breakfast.

Chakotay used the reads as cover and made his way to the shuttle. Once inside he punched the button and shut the hatch.

�Computer?� The welcoming chirrup sounded and he sighed with relief. �Take us up 200 feet and hold position.�

The storm rolled relentlessly on, and the waves crashed over the peak of rock. B�Elanna found out quickly that there might as well have been nothing round her than the boat. She was drenched and half frozen with the cold.

The cask of water slipped farther from her. She made a mad snatch for it only to watch helplessly as it slipped onto the sea and bobbed up and down for a few seconds before breaking apart on the jagged volcanic rock.

Now she could begin to panic. With no water the storm might as well claim her, she was lost and she knew it.

Chakotay ran the scans again. Nothing. Come on, B�Elanna. Where are you? He thought silently. He had been scanning for the better part of two days. He sat Kolopak on his lap; the youngster seemed fascinated by the coloured lights. He turned to look up at his father.

�Mum-mum,� he said.

�Yes, we�ll find mommy soon, Kolopak. I�m just . . .� Chakotay sucked in a lungful of air and caught himself. What was he saying? He was looking for B�Elanna one minute and the next he was telling Kolopak that he was looking for his mother. Did that mean what he thought it meant? Had his heart moved on without his knowledge? When had that happened? �I�m looking for her, my son. I�ll find her. I promise you I�ll find her.�

Kolopak went back to watching the blinking lights.

�Computer . . .� Chakotay held his breath as something swam across the thermal scan on the screen. A dim heat source was registering in the middle of the ocean. It was most likely a whale he told himself except for the fact that it appeared to be stationary. �Identify heat source on the screen.�

�One life form - Klingon-Human.�

He began to breath heavily as his eyes filled with tears. He smiled with relief and hugged his son tighter to him.

�Mum-mum,� the baby said.

�Yes, Kolopak. It�s your mum. Computer, scan the life sign for injury?� he instructed unaware of the tears flowing down his cheeks.

�Severe dehydration and hypothermia.�

�Bring the transporter on line and beam her aboard.�

Chakotay half turned to see B�Elanna appear on the floor behind him. �Computer, set auto pilot and navigation and return us to start co-ordinates.�

�Acknowledged.�

Lifting his son with him, he stood up and crossed to B�Elanna�s side and setting Kolopak down on the floor.

He touched her cold face and reached for the med-kit. Hurriedly activating the tri-corder he found that his guess was confirmed. She was delirious with thirst and hunger. She must have tried to drink the sea water he supposed. He gave her a hypo of concentrated electrolytes and set up an intravenous feed of fluids before moving her to the small bed normally stored under the seats in the rear of the shuttle.

Laying her down he proceeded to remove her drenched clothing and wrap her in as many blankets as he could find.

Another sweep of the scanner confirmed that she was slipping into a coma. And as the shuttle carried them toward home, Kolopak laid himself down next to B�Elanna, head on her shoulder and eyed his father solemnly before falling to sleep.

Alone Chakotay contemplating the very real possibility of losing B�Elanna. And he knew he could not live with the pain of losing another . . .what was she? Friend? No, she was more than that. And he had completely shut her out for an entire year. How could he have been so gutless? How could he apologise? How could he lose her?

No, he could not bear that. She had to live.

Through his tears he stroked her face feeling the warmth returning to her skin. He had felt a king of brotherly love for her from the moment he rescued her from the Cardassian who had almost raped her, and he suddenly realised he no longer felt like that. From the moment Kathryn had suggested he have children with B�Elanna he had been embarrassed to admit that he had had thought along those lines as well. But then Kathryn had conceived and those thoughts had been put aside.

When Kathryn had died he could not think - thinking brought pain. He could not bringg himself to even look at B�Elanna because that brought anger - anger that she was alive and his love lay six foot under the roots of the willow tree.

He smother the dry wind chapped skin of her lips and leaned over her to kiss them. He kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear. �Come back to me, B�Elanna. I�m sorry I never realised this before and I�m sorry I never took the time to tell you, but I need you. Please, come back to me.�

Days passed. Chakotay set about repairing the shelter and building a defence perimeter. If the bear ever came back, he would have ample warning next time. It took the better part of two weeks to straighten everything up good as new.

Caring for Kolopak and B�Elanna, and securing the area was tiring him. But it was a labour of love. He saw some improvement in B�Elanna as the days past and he longed for the day when she would wake up. It seemed that day was drawing nearer. He massaged her muscles to keep them supple and exercised her limbs. At first he was reluctant to talk to her but as the lonely hours rolled on he began to open up the door to possibility, and started to talk but couldn�t find the words.

He had just put Kolopak down for the night when the perimeter alarm went off. Grabbing a Simm�s light, phaser and a tri-corder he shot out the door and into the night.

B�Elanna heard the persistent buzzing and reached out to kill the morning alarm - only to find only empty air. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked round. For a moment she wondered where she was.

Then she knew. She sat up to take a better look. The shelter - how did she get back here? The last thing she remembered was succumbing to the urge to drink. She has lost consciousness not long after that she presumed. And then Chakotay must have come looking for her.

She frowned as she looked round the alcove - it wasn�t her alcove, it was Chakotay�s. The two narrow beds were where she had lain for she didn�t know how long, and beside it sat another much smaller bed. Kolopak was asleep in the cot. For the first time ever Kolopak was not with Chakotay, and he was not in Chakotay�s bed.

The boy was in pajamas which meant is was night but the air was still warm which meant early evening. Where was Chakotay?

And more to the point, what had happened to the place? And why was she in Chakotay�s bed?

Tentatively she put her feet onto the floor and put her weight on them. She took a step and found her limbs a little stiff and weak from lack of use, but someone had been taking great care to keep her muscles working. And it could only have been Chakotay. Him and his brotherly affection and concern! He should have left her to die!

Perhaps there had been a change of heart for him. There may have been a lot of changes and if there had she hoped they were for the better.

In the main living area sat a few pieces of furniture; the table had been broken and fixed, two chairs were missing and the sofa was almost shredded.

Several repairs had been done to the shelter itself as well. And the alcoves once occupied by Kathryn long ago and had been converted into a laundry room was smashed. Her own alcove was open to the outside.

What had happened here?

Then she heard it. A loud roar and a quieter cry of fear.

Chakotay!

He tripped as he ran catching his foot on a tree root, the huge animal was in hot pursuit. He hit his elbow on something and the phaser flew out of his hand.

Damn! His foot was stuck!

Winded and lying exposed on the ground and watched in terror as the bear opened its mouth to attack.

Abruptly its head exploded and creature flopped at his feet.

Chakotay screamed loudly before he realised it was dead. Breathless from crying out, he took few gasps and scooted backwards away from the bear. From somewhere a phaser had lanced out, and he turned to locate the source. He caught sight of B�Elanna standing some distance away silhouetted against the lighted doorway.

Their eyes met for an instant before she turned and walked back inside.

She sat on what was left of the sofa knowing that he would follow soon after. She noticed for the first time that she was wearing one of Kathryn�s dresses, which meant Chakotay had dressed her. All her closes were lost at sea, but that didn�t explain why he had given her one of Kathryn�s dresses.

Chakotay stepped slowly into the shelter and stopped. He blinked. B�Elanna was awake. He sighed gently with the relief.

B�Elanna didn�t look up at first, not knowing where, if anywhere, she stood in his life.

And then he spoke.

�You�re awake,� he said with such profound relief that it made her look up.

He was looking straight at her. For the first time since Kathryn�s death he was looking at her. For the first time since Kathryn�s death he was speaking to her - to her and not merely at her.

She gazed him incredulously. �You spoke to me?�

Chakotay took a step forward and moistened his lips, feeling and letting the tears come. �I�m sorry. I�m so sorry, B�Elanna. I couldn�t . . .I wasn�t . . .I don�t know what happened to me.� He took two more steps and reached out to her, but pulled back. �I found your letter . . .and it woke me up,� he told her. �It woke me up to a lot of things to life to my son and to you, but most of all it woke me up to myself and what I was doing to you.�

B�Elanna stood up staring at him, seeing his tears hearing his choked words. He had changed, he had woken up. And now he could see the truth and had to face it full on. But would he be anything more than a brother to her? She wondered about that long and hard.

�We both have a lot of adjusting to do. For one thing I have to adjust to being alive and back here, when I expected to be dead.�

Her voice sounded harsh even to her own ears.

Chakotay winced knowing what she was feeling and thinking. She wished he had left her out there to die. �B�Elanna,� he called as she turned towards her alcove. �Where are you going?�

�To bed, I guess. It must be getting late.�

Chakotay was suddenly in front of her looking down at her. �Please don�t. I need to tell you . . .there is so much I need to tell you, so much I have to put right.�

B�Elanna frowned slightly and watched his the expression in his eyes.

�You saved my life tonight, the least I can do to repay you is tell you the truth.�

�I was repaying a debt, Chakotay. We�re even.�

Chakotay shook his head. �No. I still owe you. You saved my life first and open the doors that I had closed when Kathryn died. I owe you so many times over. I can�t find the words to tell you what that meant to me. I had to find you and tell you . . .�

�What?� she asked when he fell silent.

Chakotay lowered his eyes for a moment. �The words . . .I don�t think there are any. So I can only ask one thing.�

�Name it, Chakotay. I would do anything for you, you know that. You have always been like a brother to me.�

Chakotay cringed before he could stop it. �I was hoping you still loved me, B�Elanna. I don�t think I could live with the thought that I had crushed that.�

B�Elanna stared up at him. �Are you trying to say what I think you�re trying to say?�

�I don�t know how to say it. �The words . . .will you at least take the time to hear me out, B�Elanna?�

It was a plea, his soul was begging her to forgive and love him still, despite everything.

�It would depend on what you want me to hear,� she heard herself say. Where had those words come from, she wondered mildly.

�I want you to hear this . . .� he said softly and kissed her. �And believe it.�

Struck dumb her breath caught in her throat. �Say that again,� she whispered breathlessly.

Chakotay kissed her again, long and deeply. Their arms curled around the other holding them close together. Lips parted to allow their tongues to duel, tasting each other for the first time. A single hand swept slowly down her back to gentle squeeze her buttocks and press her body to his. He wanted her, his desire was openly noticeable.

Her fingers pushed their way through his thick black hair, which hadn�t been cut since before Kathryn had died. He hadn�t even noticed it but she loved it long. So soft. She threw her head back as his lips wandered along her jaw to her ear and nibbled it. Her pulled a hand down to push up under the material of his shirt. He sighed in her ear, groaning approval.

One hand held her hips against his as the other hand smoothed its way round to her breast to thumb the nipple through the dress. He moaned softly at the feelings it evoked. She wanted him and he knew it. He wanted her too - now, fully, holding nothing back. Except for one thing.

Chakotay pulled away from her breathless and struggling with his arousal and his fear. �I can�t do this.�

�Why? What is it?�

�I want you. I want to make love to you. I want to show you how I have loved you for a long time. All of it. But if I do, I�ll get you pregnant and I can't . . .I can't do this. I can�t watch you die too.�

B�Elanna cupped his face in both hands and kissed him tenderly. �Chakotay, I have loved you for so long that not loving you is impossible. We can�t change the past. What happened was terrible, but it was a freak accident. None of us could have foreseen it and we can�t say for certain that it won�t happened again. But I can�t be without you and I can�t let you be alone. Not any more.� B�Elanna listened to his breath as it dusted her cheek. �Tell me. Let me hear all of these things that you have kept hidden from me. I want to hear it, feel it and know it.�

�Sometimes words are not enough. Sometimes life is too short to tell the whole story. Sometimes there isn�t breath enough. Let my heart my heart speak for me.�

Again they were enmeshed in each other�s arms kissing their souls desire and love to each other. Their hearts were singing as she undressed each other. He carried her to his bed and lay her down.

�I�m afraid,� he whispered.

�I know you are, my love,� she whispered. �Fill me. Fill me with your love, your body. Let me show you how much I love you. I have so much to give you, but most of all let me give you children.�

Chakotay�s fingers hushed her and he kissed her again and took her slowly, filling her hidden places that had laid empty for too long. She was beautiful.

�Oh Spirits. Oh, Kathryn, thank you. Oh B�Elanna, I love you!� he cried. His peak came crashing over him as he felt her jerk around him. �Oh. B�El, my love, my love.�

Sometimes, she thought to herself, the heart with the quietest voice sometimes takes a little longer to be heard. And finally Chakotay had heard his own.

The End

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