A Memorable Exception

I failed once. And there is no way I can attempt again. Trust me - it's painful. Honestly, it's devilish. True, things go wrong! They tend to. Of course, we do have workarounds, but not always. There are things we can change. And then there are things we can't. The difference is generally obscure. Sure, I've my ways. But they fail me. They do, in general. I'm not a superhuman. Not even close. Besides, I emote. I do and a lot. The outcome is generally the same - feel the pain, survive the pain, and forget the pain. The cycle is rather boring. The pain is no more fresh.

There are stimuli. They do make their attempts. But I gave up responding. I did long back. “Ignorance is a boon” – a new belief started making more sense. A genuine practice showed some results, and almost instantly. But then stereotypic became the way of life and surprises an exception. How can one be sure of exceptions? I was no different. I was never ready.

Apathy is dangerous. A sudden, long lasting change in one's mindset; a mystifying, reckless way of handling things; a passive, charmless response to any kind of stimulus are but examples. “Change” – a desperately critical ingredient to bring in some charm! True. A change in the way of thinking would make a difference. A changed way would help one appreciate the beauty of the new look of the world around. A changed sense of perception is what all one needs to keep moving .

I strived. I struggled. I desperately worked to move on. Slow was the pace. But things started falling in place. Kind enough was my heart. I cherished with zeal all the progress.

Some truths hold for a life-time. Active zeal raises hopes. Raised hopes make one work. Sincere work expects fruits. Expectations run one crazy. Crazy mind ruins things. Ruined things bring in hell. Altering this sequence is the actual game. Rules are tough. Results are not always predictable. But proper ascertainment of progress could help.

It was not until negative results started bumping me did I realize I've no pure knowledge of the rules. It was not too late yet. But a real fresh pain hurts and a lot. Surviving it is not totally easy and not being able to forget is a curse. A cursed individual can make no proper decisions. My experiences taught me well enough to stick to this lesson strong. And that's where I was - relinquishing all possible responsibilities, patronizing the silent path, and feigning genuine ignorance.

The only certainty about life is uncertainty. A self-made exception brought in a lot of change all of a sudden. The present is not extraordinary. It's not inspiring either. The final result is not yet known. Would the end result be refreshing? I've no idea. Do I have any hope? No! Why not? Because I know what hope ends me with.

26-Mar-04